Why does my mother in law never appreciates and blames me for everything?

Question

I've been married for 2 yrs, been living with my husband's family (of 9 plp!) since. My husband is the eldest and have always been looking after the whole family from sorting out everyone's car insurances to sorting out mortgages. My MIF reckons my husband's changed a lot since our marriage beacuse my husband is asking everyone to share the house work, and that he's thinking more about me and our baby's welfare more than their's. Whenever an arguement arised between my MIF and husband, my MIF would blame everything on me. She would say 'He's changed a lot since he married you, I don't know who's been saying things to him and who's been directing him to change'. But I've always treated my MIF politely, I've always asked if she needed help with anything, helped her cook, doing household jobs, helped revising with my younger bro in laws, always obeyed her, never said no to anything, never raised my voice when speaking to anyone in the family.
WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG???????????HELP!!!!!

Answer 1

Nothing. You have done nothing wrong and neither has your husband. He sounds like a mature and caring individual who is putting his wife and child ahead of his mother. His mother,your MIL, is having a hard time adjusting to the change, she sounds a little immature. Just keep on being respectful and helpful. When a man marries, his devotion should go to his wife & child. He's also shouldering a lot of responsibility to his family, but it sounds like your man is on the right track. Save your money and get out of there.

Answer 2

MILs will always secretly or openly hate you. No matter how sweet or polite you are. Fact of the matter is that you "stole" their baby away. My advice to you is to move far far far away. I would suggest minimum two states away. It's time for your husband to let his family work on their own stuff and let his parents deal with this own situations. When he got married to you, both of you formed your own union and family. Mixing so many people in your union will only cause frustration, hurt and anger. It could also possibly lead to a break-up(which secretly is what sometimes MILs desire). Now that you have a baby time to think about your own family, stop being so polite, put your foot down and speak seriously to your husband.

Answer 3

OMG 9ppl! As long as you're there with HIS family you're always going to feel like you're being ganged up on!!! I was you for 5yrs! I lived with my mom in law as well. You and your husband and the baby need your own space. You guys NEED to move or they NEED to move. That is way too much ppl living in 1 house...too many other responsibilities beside your own. You should talk to your MIL and tell her how you feel (make sure your husband is present also). Let's see how she reacts to your concern. Hopefully it works for the best. BUT I still say, someone has got to go! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

do you reallly need to live in her house?

she will always think she is the matriarch of that home, and that everyone else must follow her "orders". plus, she sounds like somewhat of a control freak.

while your husband is a nice guy in doing things for others, i am a firm believer in letting other adults deal with their own stuff... your husband is over doing it! Other adults are perfectly capable of "sorting out" their own insurance and other things... they aren't mentally handicapped, are they?

why do you have to "obey" her? aren't you an adult? i think you have the sense to help around the house, and take care of adult responsibilities, just like everyone else on earth.

You asked "what have i done wrong?".... moving in with your husband's family was the first mistake. you and your husband need your own home.

take care.

Answer 5

You married her son and the first born at that, thats what you did wrong. Trust me, you will never be good enough, nor do anything right when it comes to him. What you guys need to do is MOVE OUT! IF not, there is not much you can do, esp. if you are in her house. You can seat her down and talk to her about it and if she does not respect you afterwards, you need to talk with your husband about finding your own home....

Good Luck..

Answer 6

You know what you did wrong? Moved in with thoes people! You will end up divorced if you do not get out of there...take your husband and if you have children take them too..........you should NEVER live with another family...it will never work...and INLAWS? Go or you will end up an unhappy person...and divorced..which may be the sest thing for it sounds like he can't take care of you the right way!

Answer 7

You have done nothing wrong, she might think you are taking her son from her. You and your husband NEED to move out and start your own life together.

Answer 8

Sweety it is what mother in laws do
remember you took her son and she don't like that
in time i hope that you get along with her
however most of the time we women have to deal with the other women in our mans life
just try to get along with her and remember you tried your best to get along with her and some day she will see that and figure out you are not a bad person

Answer 9

You took her boy. Sounds like she has alway depended on him and now that he is taking care of HIS FAMILY she has no one to take care of her. She needs to grow up and b an adult. U sound like a good person and i admire u for helping but sometimes u just have to cut and run and take care or ur family.

Answer 10

it's just a mother upset because her son isn't her little boy anymore. now he's a grown man and she's not the #1 woman in his life anymore. the first thing you need to do is move out as soon as possible!