How can my sister and I see eye to eye?

Question

My little sister goes through my room and takes things without permission when I'm not home. My room was converted from a second living room so I have no door, only curtains. She trashes my room whenever I do give her permission. She even came in my room looking to take something while she thought I was asleep! I've done everything I can think of to teach her how to respect other people's things and their privacy. I've sat down and talked to her, I yelled at her (which obviously doesn't work), I've banned her from my room, I've even cancelled special sister trips to the mall because she invaded my room the day before. We have different mothers, and I tried explaining to her mother that I'm tired of my little sister invading my space. She doesn't do anything!!! She yells at me for 'picking a fight'. I'm 19 and its pretty sad when my 11 year old sister can do whatever she wants! How can I make her see that what she's doing is wrong and disrespectful and make her stop?

Answer 1

You've already done lots of positive things. I can see why you're frustrated. Try asking your sister the same question as you have in your post: "How can we see eye to eye?" As unbelievable as it may seem, she may not think there's a problem! Ask her how she feels about invading your privacy. She may be acting out on something completely different. You've obviously told her that her behavior is unacceptable. Try to find out why she does it, and when you talk, maybe something will come out that you can help her with.

Are you going to college? Can you live in the dorms? I would imagine she would really not like it if you moved out. Ask her honestly how she would feel if you moved out.

Answer 2

Talk to your Dad about installing a door....they are really not that hard to do, but do take two people....and iterior doors are not that expensive from Lowe's or Home Depot. While what she's doing is very disrespectful...and her mother's actions are disrespectful to you as well by not training her better...she's acting normal for her age by being messy. I have a 10 1/2 yr old who I make clean her room every night....and it somehow finds it's way back to disaster within the day! Just stay consistent with what you're doing...no big sister trips to the mall. Tell her the rules...and when she follows even one of them...thank her and reward good behavior with something positive.

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my sister growing up... but we had the same mom.

My sister would take new shoes or clothes i just bought and wear them before i even had the chance! So i know what you mean.

My mother didn't talk with her, either, and pretty much ignored it.

I lived through it....

Perhaps you could have a "sister night" one day a week? Promise to do something special with her one night a week as a reward for respecting the property of others. If she will leave your things alone, you and her can do whatever she likes together. Perhaps she as a favorite game or you two can have popcorn and watch a movie? You might take her out for ice cream or go to a park? Just some ideas.

Your sister is probably trying to get your attention. She's much younger and maybe she feels "left out" in certain ways? And maybe she would like it if you could be more a part of her life?

Just some suggestions... take care!

Answer 4

As someone around your sister's age I know whys she' s doing this. Dude, your sister has a crappy life. I really if you think you have it bad than think about how aweful it was to be 11. See? Now your seeing her perspective. She probably wants attention from you. You can always count on sisters to be there forever. Friends at the pre-teen age will just dump their friends whenever they feel like it so your a secure bet for her. Why invade youjr space? She probably is curious about you, your life, and how the world is to someone your age age. You actually REMEMBER the 90's! What you should do, is to satisfy her curiosity and let her into your room WHILE YOU ARE THERE, and then you can renew your friendship and she can learn more about what the heck 19 year olds do.

Answer 5

You need to talk with both the parents together, I know you said that you have different moms, so I am not sure which mom you are living with. If you live with mom and step-dad or step-mom and dad, you need to try to get everyone together and discuss punishment from the parents. I have a 15 year son and a 12 year step-son, and we have a lot of those types of problems when the step-son comes over. Part of it of course being that the older brother has a lot more "stuff" and of course it is more fun to go through the older brother's belongings. We as parents had to put our foot down before the younger sibling would listen. My son also tries everything from yelling to offereing to hang out wiht him more if he would stop going throuh his things. It wasn't until we stepped in that things changed.

Answer 6

Well comeing from a family of 10. When all else fails you do it to her go in her room and mess it up when she has something of your give her a lot of tough love and stand firm even though she will go tail on you continue to let her mother know that she is acting out and you won't toerate it. NOTE: you could also try puting your dresser or something heavy in front of your curtains at night so when she try's to come in in the morning you could have a good laugh at her expense. Hope this helps you. LATER

Answer 7

have you ever thought of invading her space a little to set an example. i applaud you for not rewarding her bad behavior. i think it is your father you need to talk too because he is a parent to both of you. explain that you tried to talk you your step mother but she gets mad at you. your 19 and she is 11 and should respect your privacy. if she has a door on her room then maybe you should switch. lock your things away where she can not get to them and your room will be less interesting to her. get one of those tall filing cabinets with a lock.

Answer 8

It seems to me that your sister is trying to get your attention, thru very negative ways of course... DO NOT pay attention to anything she does to your room, even if you are around. Instead if she dosent "invade", PRAISE her for it. Tells her how much it means to you and how respectful she is, EVEN if the good behavior is only for a day. She will soon realise that to gain your attention, she has to respect you and your belongings...
Why would she choose this to get your attention? Cos you are always showering her with attention everytimes she does it, rite?
Good Luck!

Answer 9

IF she is your step mother you go to your father and vica versa and tell the problem then if they do not fix it then you ask you blood parent for a lock on your bedroom door..she has NO rights in your things or your room! AND you are 19...if that doesn't happen then move out.

Answer 10

Act like you do not care, hide your belongings that you don't want her to have in a special place, then just let her think she's wasting her time trying to make you mad. Little sisters sometimes envy big sisters, and so they try to aggrivate them. Just act to her as if she does not bother you, you could even tell her shes more than welcome to come in anytime, and invite her to clean it up with you often.