My brother and his girlfriend??

Question

My brother is 23 and his girl is 25, they have been going out for 5 yrs.
The problem is that my brother has a very good job with a great income and works dam hard for his money.....the girl however has never had a job since they met and spends her days shopping and buying crap that she doesn't need with his money. She is lazy and doesn't even clean up or cook for him whilst he is at work.
'She' has now decided that they are getting married and is intent on booking a 'castle' for the venue and all the trimmings! Although my brother has a good income but to the nature of his career it could end at any time and they would be broke, but she doesn't seem to think of this and is not happy unless she is in town shopping or jetting off on holiday!
My mum and my other 3 brothers all feel the same about her and think he is making a big mistake as she will be entitled to half of everything he has (houses etc). He just seems to beswept along by her demands.

Do we voice our concerns??

Answer 1

First off, have you and your family talked to him privately about this. When people are in love they don't realize and see what is happening to them so if you point it out he might open his eyes and see how things really are and from their he'll make a decision, but if he chooses to still marry her even with her spending habbits you'll have to support his decision because if you don't he'll probably turn against you and your family.

I've also had an older brother and his wife was the same way too...even though they had 5 children she still wanted to spend money like crazy and if she bought clothing or perfume it all had to have designer names on them. She never had to work and didn't at least clean up the house or cook either and she didn't take care of their kids, she had her mother move in with them all to take care of the kids. So my poor brother not only had to make money to support him, his wife and children he also had to make money to take care of his mother in law. My family always was talking to him about his situation but he just loved his wife so much none of if made any difference....in fact she got tired of the family pointing things out to him that "she" decided none of us would ever get to see the kids again and because that didn't work very effectively "she" decided they'd move to a different state to ensure we'd never see the kids again.

Answer 2

Hi chick - I know just where youre coming from with this! My bro married someone 7 years older than him when he was 18. He doesnt earn a good wage as hes only just passed his apprentiship at the MOD but his wife has never had a job, only when they were first going out and she was sacked for taking too much time off sick. My bro works hard and sis in law spends all the money on newTVs, clothes for my 2 young nephews and again, never lifts a finger to help. ALL my family dislike her as shes rude and a complete downer (think Eeyore!) but bro seems happy, and theyve been married for 5 years so something must work.

I think your bro must know what hes getting into, as they have been together for a while. HOwever, if youre worried about him (and quite right you should be as hes your bro) then you and he could go out for a drink and a meal, just you 2, and you can ask him if hes happy and voice your concerns. Whatever you decide to do, good luck xxxx

Answer 3

I would. He is probably aware of it and may even annoy him, but he obviously loves her and wants to provide for her. She just sounds a bit selfish. I think you should encourage him to speak to her and ask her to help with housework while she looks for a job. He could also mention that due to his temporary contract, an extravagant wedding may not be the best idea unless she can help out with the cost. I'm getting married in June, we're not spending lots of money as all the fancy trimmings aren't important to us. I feel expensive weddings detract from the true meaning of getting married.

Sorry to digress, but the main point is, voice your concerns and make sure he eliminates all his concerns with her and his family before the wedding goes ahead. He may be planning a prenup anyway.

Answer 4

This is quite a problem, I would have a gentle word with your brother,, or maybe get a good friend of his to have a talk to him, you really need to know whether he wants to get married. However you must remember that at the end of the day that it is his decision and maybe his mistake to make, just make sure that you are all there for him if ever that time should come.

Answer 5

Hi!

Firstly, how do you know she doesn't cook or clean up for him during the day? Is it because he's told you? If so, he seems to be aware of it already!

It's a difficult situation because families can form an opinion of someone without knowing all the details. If your boyfriend has been together with her for 5 years, maybe their relationship works for them. Maybe he enjoys spoiling her and maybe some of these decisions are down to both of them, but it just seems like they are all her doing.

If it helps to look at it from a different perspective, I am a student and my boyfriend is older and earns a decent amount of money. He takes me on holidays and always pays for things because I can't afford to. He tells me to pick our holidays and wanted me to find a load of furniture for his house to redecorate it. He jokes in front of his parents that I don't do the washing up, etc (even though I do!). For all I know, his family think I am persuading him to do up his house, take me on holidays and spoil me. But that isn't the case.

However, you know her way better than I do and she sounds a bit like a wannabe-WAG to me! If she comes across as spoilt and bossy and if your brother has complained about it to you, then you've probably formed the correct opinion. But if they've been together for five whole years, maybe he likes spoiling her?

Either way, I actually think you should have a quiet word with him. Whatever you do, don't confront him together and don't say 'we all think the same thing'. Get him on his own, take him for a few drinks, and ask him how it's all going. Then just come out with it, maybe make a light joke of it in case you've got the complete wrong end of the stick, and just say something like "so has she spent all your money yet then, eh!" Then tell him your problem. All you can do is voice your opinion - but if he is happy with her, he'll obviously have to make his own mistakes (if things are indeed as they seem to be). Then perhaps separately, at different times, your other brothers can mention something to him, to let him know that you're all thinking it - without him thinking that you've all been gossiping behind his back.

xx Emmie

Answer 6

I truly understand your concern but if you interfere your brother will choose her and there will then be a family rift.

It is a shame you and her are not friends because then maybe you could make a joke of it but suggest she gets a job???? Could you be friends?

She does sound lazy but if your brother is happy then all you can do is sit back and let them get along with it.
i am sure you are tempted to have a word in her ear!? but if you do then if will cause trouble.
You now need to decide whether you risk your relationship with your brother by having it out with her?
OR
You leave things alone and keep your nose out (no offence meant)

Answer 7

Nope, you don't say a word. He's been with her for five years and is going to marry her. Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he does have an idea of the person he's marrying. Apparently he is content with their lives and arrangements. If he isn't, then he's a big boy now and needs to speak up himself.

Basically, you aren't going to tell him anything he doesn't already know. He is well aware of how she spends her days. All that you'll succeed in saying is that his family, his nearest and dearest, do not approve of the woman he loves and do not respect his decisions.

Say nothing.

Answer 8

Ur brother must be knowing all this. Who will be spending all the expenses of marriage ?
If u people will try to explain him, then he may think that u r becoming unsecrued that after marriage he will not take of his parents and may be this will create misunderstandings.
Try to explain him in such a way that he should see what type of girl is his girlfriend. If she continue like this after marriage, he will be definitly no where.
Love is blind. U try ur best to make him worry about his future, moreover he is not a child. He will do what he thinks right. But u can atleast try.
Best of Luck.

Answer 9

If you were talking about your brother being with her for 6 months or something but they have been together 5 yrs, your brother is 23 he is old enough to make his own decisions, he must be happy with her so why not just be happy for them, no siblings are totally happy with the partners their siblings pick but the key is just be there for them.

Answer 10

If they're serious enough to be getting married, your brother will only be hurt if you tell him what you really think. He might hold it against you that you don't like the girl he's marrying and fall out with you.

I think the best thing you can do is to let them get on with it, and be there for him when it all falls to pieces