My Mother-in-law says I don't take good care of her son?

Question

My Mother in law is driving me crazy at present,
she says I don't iron her son's clothes well enough and he is looking too thin,
She makes comments like, "Don't you feed him good meals, etc".
She used to be fairly tolerable but seems to pick on me more now since I started working
What is the best way of dealing with this or her,
thanks!

Answer 1

Hand her all the ironing to do and tell her she can send over meals anytime. (since you work it might be nice to lighten your load.).

Answer 2

You could make this work to your advantage. She's probably dying to still use those mothering skills that she's had for most of her life. You'll be doing her, and you, a great service by filling the void that was left when you married her son. She really needs something to do so give it to her! Have her do all of the ironing and cooking for you both. Tell her that with your busy schedule you can use all the help you can get and you just aren't able to do it alone. What you have here is one vast reservoir of untapped energy at you disposal! She sounds like she is desperate to be apart of a family so make her see how important and indispensable she is and let her see that not only does she have a son but she has gained a daughter as well! Just wait and see; she'll be tickled pink!

Answer 3

Easy for your MIL: picking on others.
She's got an issue, because she can't release her baby and she can't accept he's a man with his own life.

Do's and don'ts:
Don't get upset. Don't argue. Really Do Not Argue with her! Ever!
Don't try the emotional approach, where she should be nice because she's hurting your feelings. Oh sob, sob, that does NOT work because her son's life is at stake (that's the way she sees it).

Do's:
When somebody, anybody, is not happy with the way you do things, the first step is to realize that it's really easy to criticise.
As the answerer above me said: Hand her the iron and point her to the stack of clothes. Ask her to fold them up as well. Socks go in the drawers, sorted to colour, and hang the shirts please.
Meals: We're happy you want to cook for us. We eat at 18:30 so please have it ready then.

So the trick is to go with her, and show her that you won't accept half-hearted work! That will quickly stop all her arguments, because you counter them with: You are RIGHT! You do it much better! Come here and do it yourself!

You can't argue against someone who agrees with you :)
And by showing you have standards too, you make it impossible for her to actually come over and do this, because she has to do it by your rules.

Answer 4

There are two ways to deal with it...either let it build up inside you and save it for the divorce, or let her comments go straight over your head and learn to not let those comments bother you since to accept the son means to also accept and be nice to his family. Seems that any comeback you could have would start a row which is exactly what you want to avoid. Maybe she has nothing else to talk about.

Answer 5

You are not supposed to take care of her son.....thats what moms are for. You are his partner. That being said, you need to develop some tephlon skin...and let it just roll off. Compliment her whenever you can. Say things like, he really does love your spaghetti...there is no way I could ever compete with it. (Only say things that are true...she will see through it....so sit down and make a list of things that you are willing to concede to her). Use your sense of humor. When she says dont you feed him, say I can't seem to make him eat. Or better yet, if its not a question, dont give it an answer. She may think she is helping you. Remember her values and yours are very different. My mom was a lot like this....and when it finally came to blows she said something profound...she said is was her job to make my dad happy and she thought I was taking on way too much with my ideas about going back to college and having a career. In some way she was concerned for me too and afraid for me. Picture your MIL with an orange t-shirt that says "I LOVE JOHNNY BOY AND STILL WANT TO BABY HIM" or whatever her truth is. Maybe its "I SAY WHATEVER POPS INTO MY HEAD..I AM A NILLY". Drop your baggage....the things she said last time, your history, your knowledge of how hard you are working and converse with her like you would with someone in an orange t-shirt on the busline.....keep it cordial but dont let her push your buttons. If she can push your buttons its because you are wearing them on the wrong side of your jacket.... he's yours now. by the way....send him over to mom once in a while...and remind him to tell her he loves her.

Answer 6

We have five...grown adult sons. I have listened to all the drama and been accused of concocted scenerios from the bottom up from not all but some...have to be honest about it. I find that some young ladies of today are on a quest to accomplish a goal to seek and destroy. They manipulate and contemplate because they haven't a clue what the role of a wife is...any excuse they can come up with to destroy relationships that strangely enough they have responsibility in also. His parents are her parents..the couple is as one...her parents are his parents and so on....that is a support system. Learning to deal with your role instead of wasting time in business of other family relationships such as siblings, parents, grandparents etc that both also exist is just an excuse a gal uses not to have to concentrate on her own place in her own marriage. Where on earth would she find the time if a gal is not minding her own business which includes getting along with extended family. Sugar is sweet not sour consider this a picture of love vs hatred and kick the "sides" to the curb...marriage does not =war. It is also the role of a husband not to allow this type of turmoil and some men end up being caught red handed encouraging their wife to do wrong...others are just plain beat down by their unsubmissive wives who forcefully expect to wear the pants. Those are both accidents waiting to happen and how much do young couples of today think parents approve of their married sons and daughters using them as an excuse to run their marriage into the ground?

As a mother I am spoiled or have gotten use to fact that I no longer am responsible for physically providing for my son...in fact, some guys are much more independent then their wives have a clue. They can actually pour their own milk and know how to start a washer. My sons were taught to iron by their teens and I am homemaker - not a maid. As it is true that a man needs to learn to function for himself before he can accomplish headship. Try they might some of the young ladies of the "me generation" in our family seem to think they can plague me with their own fiction-based movie concerning nothing that is there business in the first place nor really has nothing to do with this family. Which is there own destrought thought and entirely their own making a fool of themselves as it isn't a role of a wife to submit to a man who is encouraging them to do wrong either. That's why they say marriage is for adults.

My advice is BIG IF this woman is doing this learn to love anyways and if your husband isn't telling you to do so then possibly you'd better take some advice from women/wives of wisdom because he's suppose to be your better half as well as you being his. Married in the eyes of the Lord means your married...a marriage should never represent family destruction or the end result will be the same for that marriage.

Answer 7

It is your husbands responsibility to defend you. Also she will not continue doing this if you stop defending yourself. Just look at her and smile. Say "oh you think so huh?" Bullies like to make you mad or make you cry. Don't reinforce her behavior. If you just say "I am done talking with you about this" over and over, that is setting a boundary. If it is too much, too often, your husband should put you first. His mom should not be welcome in your home until she straightens up. The bible says leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife/husband. You will never win no matter what you do or say. She must be a miserable person. Hope helps!

Answer 8

I guess all MIL are like that or another. Give her some respect and don't argue with her. Once you accomplish this, you are half way there. If she give comments or remarks about how you should do things, then take note of it and just do what you seem fit. After all, you are wife and you know better. Remember, try not to talk back at her as it will lead to further misunderstandings. Instead try just keep silent and do what you deem fit. Take care.

Answer 9

Tell your mother-in-law that you give something more important than these things she complaining about. What you give to your husband is pure love and dedication to your marriage. Explain to her that you join union with him not to be his maid, but his devoted wife. Explain to her that if these things, such as good meals, ironing his clothes is not satisfactory to him, and then you'll listen to only what your husband says.

Tell her you married her son, not you! and what you says don't have any say so, because he is your family.

Tell her:

"If you don't like his clothes, don't look at it! If he is thin, it's because I don't want him to be fat. It is unhealthy"

God Bless

Answer 10

Stand up to her. Tell her she wouldn't have been happy with any woman that married her son and that if she wants to come be your maid, you will pay her $8 and hour minus the family discount and the stress that she puts you through which equals her paying you to be your maid. If you do not stand up to her in the beginning it will be like this forever!!!

Answer 11

I would have not a clue. I hated my mother in law. I told her to stay out of it, her son is a big boy now. Eventually he had to tell her himself. Then we ignored her.