Request to mother in law out of line?

Question

Do you think i was out of line?
I am very adamant about not having alcohol around my children...i really just despise the stuff and don't want it around them, especially at a young age and in a family setting.
Well last weekend i was with my MIL at her house. She doesn't drink, but her bf does and he was drinking some beer with dinner. He isn't a raging alcoholic by any means, just likes to have a couple of beers or glasses of wine at night to relax. The next day, i talked to her about it and just requested that when me and my DH bring our children around that we would appreciate it if he doesn't drink, especially in a family setting....It was a polite request and suggestion that he just didn't drink around them...was that out of line? Please no smart remarks-just want honest opinions, maybe from those of you who don't drink or may be in a similiar situation?

More info- He does not live there and lets just say hubby doesn't ask much of his mother, i talk to her nearly every day and he talks to her about once a week....i know alot of people drink, but it is something due to personal reasons we don't want around our children(previous alcohol related abuse). Thanks---

More details--I only requested it of her, I'm not sure if the bf even knows about--it was a polite request--she left it unanswered, but i could tell she was a little upset. Unfortunetly we visit there occasionally for a couple of hours and would just not like alcohol to be present with the kids there....it's not like we would be there a week or anything, just a few hours....

Answer 1

I think its ok to make these rules in your own house but to demand it in someone elses house is out of line. You cant expect people to change their environment for you kids everywhere you go. You cannot hide the world from them. If this man was abusive or an alcoholic it might be more understandable, but I think youre going too far.

Your other option is to not take them over there however I think that would be going too far as I said the man isnt a bad drinker.

Answer 2

I think you are out of line. In your own home, you can set the
rules, but when you are a guest you don't have the right to
force your opinions on others. As you said, the bf isn't an
alcoholic, he just enjoyed a beer or two, and since its their
home, their rules apply. Just from experience, you can't shield your children from every little thing, and seeing a guy
have a beer isn't going to doom them to alcoholism. But
making a big deal about it will make your kids curious,
after all the forbidden is appealing to kids. As a parent, you
can teach your kids that drinking alcohol is something some
adults do, and that some people have serious problems with
drinking, but that if it is done in moderation, an adult has the
right to make that decision. After all, the medical experts have pr oven that a glass of wine is good for the heart, even
the Bible says that God gave man wine to make the heart
happy, but that drunkenness is disapproved by God.
So the bottom line, your rules in your house, in other people's homes, keep your mouth shut....

Answer 3

It’s HER house. You don’t have any right to dictate what she or her guests do in her house. You have the right to leave if you don’t like it. The way to resolve it--invite her to visit at YOUR house, where you make the rules.

EDITED TO ADD THIS AFTER YOU ADDED ADDITIONAL DETAILS:

Yes, I suspected there was a ‘history’ regarding alcohol. I grew up with an alcohol stepfather who was abusive when he was drunk, which was A LOT. But despite that, I know that I cannot ‘protect’ my children from the knowledge that alcohol exists. I protect them by arming them with information about the effects of alcohol. I don’t have a problem with my kids being around someone who drinks an occasional beer and does not drink to excess, because there is a difference between drinking alcohol and abusing alcohol.

I know you view this as a ‘request’ but the bottom line is you’re trying to tell her what should and shouldn’t be allowed in her home. I’d be upset if someone did that to me too.

Answer 4

Well I hardly ever drink, but am not about to tell others what they can or cannot do. By making the consumption of alcohol such a big deal, it could become a big deal to your kids. In the real world they will see people drink. Gasping or making a to do about it could make it alluring. Trust me I have teenagers! It is great to share your views with your kids, careful not to lecture or go on and on. They will learn more from watching their parents as role models. I think it was over the top to say something about it in her house. If he was a drunk that would be different. I would be very matter of fact about people who have the occasional drink, and relax a little. You should probably apologize to your mom in law. You have put her in a hard position.

Answer 5

I am no fan of alcohol. However, there is never a good excuse for bad behavior. As long as he was well behaved and drinking responsibly then you should be quiet. I understand your not wanting drunks around your children but sometimes those of us who were affected by alcohol as children and saw the worst that it can do are over cautious. I think you need to remember that even though it was your mother-in-law it was not your home and you have no right to dictate standards. If it bothered you that much you should have politely left without making a scene.

Answer 6

You were at her house, yes? Then yes you were out of line. You don't go over to someones house and tell or even ask them to be have differently than they normally would. If you don't like what may happen at her house, don't go there.

If this situation were at your house your request would STILL not be appropriate. A polite hostess would not tell her guests what to do or suggest how they might better live their life. A hostess would wrap the party up early and then not invite people they feel are uncouth to their house again.

I know, that sounds terrible...but I was reading a Miss Manners archived article just the other day about this. I was thinking, "Geez, when can I tell someone to stop it?" Apparently, not very often. It's just not the polite thing to do.

Answer 7

If you say he is,nt a raging alcoholic, & he did,nt do anything stupid, due to the fact he drank beer, would you not think that was ok, it,s better children see the good effects of a few beer, than to have to by chance see a violent alchol rage, get them used to the fact that people will & do drink alchol & that it can be a good thing as a way of just relaxing after a long day at work. when they go out on there own, they will unfornunatly see it, you won,t always be there to protect them. only my opinion.

Answer 8

It is OK to request people not drink at your house only, not any one else's house. The children will be exposed some time when you are not with them some place else any how. the best thing to say that it an adult drink and let it go at that for the time being.

Answer 9

I understand how you feel but it was out of line.You can request no alcohol in your home..There is nothing wrong with having a couple of drinks or a glass of wine.Some hospitals here have it on their menu because it is good for the heart.

Answer 10

well heres the thing, if you are in her house you really cant control what he drink especially if he lives there too. if you are in your own house you can request that they not drink in your house and not have it any where around your house(including backyard), what you should have done was tell your hubby to tell his mom , then it would have come out alot better.i have learned that if i want something from my in laws i have to go thru my hubby. it will come easier if it comes from him and not me. so for future refrence have your hubby tell them.good luck.