My husbands' grandfather died recently and the funeral is soon. The side of his family that is related to his grandfather dislike me becasue of my race, and they are very verbal about it.
I'm going to the funeral to support my husband, but I'm not sure how I should approach the situation, should anyone of them say something to me.
2007-03-28 18:28:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is so bad, they refused to attend our wedding.
2007-03-28 18:28:37 · update #1
Just remember, it will all be over soon! It's only a couple days out of your life and you will survive it. I'm sorry his family is so awful to you. Keep your head up and be the good wife you are!
2007-03-28 18:32:11 · answer #1 · answered by azjen77 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honour your husband an dsupport him but discuss these concerns with him before hand and ask him how HE would want you to handle it.
Honestly, if it were me and they said something at the funeral I would be polite and rise above their ignorance .If they insult you at this difficult and emotional time, then I truly feel sorry for them as human beings. That is just pathetic and ignorant and you can rise above and be the better person. Just be there for your husband. If he is a decent man, he won't allow them to trash you he will come to your defense.If he does not though, don't forget he is grieving and may not know how to handle the situation either without causeing a scene at an obviously inapropriate time.
Now...if your husband NEVER defends you when they trash you then you have a real problem. That is just wrong.
2007-03-29 01:37:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for your husbands sake. I would also go for yours because no matter how hard they make it, if you don't go, they win. If they see they are getting to you, they win. Try tricks I have learned for coping with difficult situations: picture them all in their underware when you have to see them...the idea being that you think something humorous to keep their comments tolerable. It takes a lot of focus to keep that visualization going which also helps keep your mind on other things than what they have to say (diverting your attention). Since it is a funeral and if you are really good at visualizations you might not wish to walk around with a smile on your face. But do keep in mind you are a better person than they are as they are showing their ignorance and intolerance of peoples differences. I feel for you about your wedding...that too shows their pettiness. It's like dealing with bullies... kill them with kindness often works. Even with slightly gritted teeth or with fingernails bitting into my palms I have forced myself to be really nice to people that are hateful. Eventually when they see they cannot get a rise or a reaction out of you, then lessen if not stop altogether. I hope this helps.
2007-03-29 01:47:11 · answer #3 · answered by Susan M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are there to support your husband. Concentrate on that, make small talk with those who do like you , offer you condolences to the other members of his family , but don't expect a big hug. Be ready to be cordial but short. If someone says something inappropriate ( it's a funeral, maybe they'll restrain themselves) pretend you didn't hear it and walk away. Arrange with your husband to leave the gathering after gram-pa has been put to rest so you can morn in peace.
2007-03-29 01:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by Georgie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the funeral to support your husband--as you said you wanted to do. If they are so low as to make an issue about you at the funeral. remember that you don't ever have to see them again. Stand tall, be proud, remain calm and dignified. DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF.....do not go expecting trouble--you will find it--go with the idea that it is a funeral and you are there to pay respects. good luck
2007-03-29 01:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be nice to them because this is a funeral just keep to yourself remember its only one day and getting angry at eachother well a funeral is just not the right place for it be the one to leave things in peace. If they make a rude remark ignore it just put through there crap remember once its all done and over with you (hopefully) wont see them for a loooooong while
2007-03-29 01:33:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore the insults if you can. If someone does insult you try not to talk back because they are just going to think worse of you. If the insult really gets to you just go outside or a private place and calm down and go back to the funeral. If the insult really really gets to you and you feel like your about to punch that person in the face, go and be with your husband. That might help reduce the number of insults because I don't think that any relative would insult another relative's wife in front of them.
2007-03-29 01:33:39 · answer #7 · answered by Crazyboi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're there for your husband and that's your main concern. Don't worry about them being petty! If they feel the need to bring this up at a funeral of all places then you can just be mature and turn the other way!
2007-03-29 01:32:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if they are to the point that they'll make a scene at a funeral about your race, then you should walk up to the microphone & tell them all to kiss your (insert assss color here) assss!! If they can't keep their emotions in check during a ceremony to honor the dead, then why the hell should you? Come on!!! You already know how to handle these people...you're just afraid to make the changes.
2007-03-29 01:37:52 · answer #9 · answered by ?karissa? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will be there to support your husband, not to deal with the "relatives". If any of them will be indecent enough to say something about it at the funeral, just stay above them.
2007-03-29 01:34:52 · answer #10 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you will have to go thru this.
Ignore them completely, the more things you say or do, the more the comments they will have. So just ignore them. But be mindful to have respect for them as well.
The love and support between your husband and you will help you overcome this...
Take care and good luck!
2007-03-29 13:57:28 · answer #11 · answered by curlyfries 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋