dealing with death?

Question

My aunt died a little more tan a month ago. I know that seems stupid but she was a really big part of my life and i just can't seem to get over it. I lived with her for about seven months and I used to go over to her house every weekend. She had cancer a few different times. I was there just a few days before she died. she was so close to death. I am only 12 and have had more than 7 relitives die that i remember. She hid her pain and even though she could barley move her leg because of the fluid on it she still did everything with me. O yeah her left hand and whole arm was the same way. I odn't know what to do she just was so special to me and I don't want to earse the memories of happiness just the ones like seeing her dead. I know that can never really happen so just give any advice you can anyways please help.

Answer 1

I'm a cancer nurse and I see this stuff daily. You just have to remember her smile and her hugs,That thing you saw in the coffin was just her shell. Her spirit and everything that was her
was gone that's why it seemed so empty. Your aunt is still with you and you just have to reach out to her with your heart and memories. Everytime you think of her she is gonna be happy. Just don't forget her. She is always gonna be with you,no matter what you just can't touch her or talk to her physically. You shouldn't expect to get over her death so soon,she was so special to you..It may be a long time before
you feel alright but just pray about it(if you are even a little bit religious) Your aunt is not in pain anymore.When she was here she was ina world of pain.Now she is at peace. You are just feeling her loss which is normal..

Answer 2

Hi,

I’m 19 and my dad died on Christmas three years ago. Only now am I coming to terms with it. Grief is a long process and is different for each person. There is nothing stupid about grieving for your loved ones. I spent many sleepless nights at my window, pondering all the worlds’ problems and during the day my mind could focus on nothing else. My life seemed to fall apart for a while and I went through a faze where I threw things out, things that related to him in some small way. I’m not suggesting you do that at all because you will regret it but one thing that did help me was taking the time to go through all the things we shared and all the memories we had. Don’t get exasperated with yourself, doing this may take up to a year. Another good way to deal with the pain of losing a loved one is to talk to them. There has got to be something after death, I don’t know what but I believe that there is something and in some way I am sure they can hear us. So talk to her in your head during the day. Tell her about stuff and most of all remember that you still carry her in your heart.

Answer 3

Not to sound psychological (or like an asshole) pain is what makes everything else so sweet. The memories u had with her would get dulled if u did not remember the pain u felt when she left. Since u want the good without the bad, we can't help u change ur situation because u either have to ignore them both or focus on them both. Selective memory only happens when u lie, and u still know the truth.

Answer 4

i am so sorry!! and i know that get old..
my dad died when i was 4 years old and i never really knew him but at times i think that is harder on me you know..
iam 18 and at times it still gets to me, out of no where the other day i popped off some thing about him and his death.
you just have to keep your chin up and think about the good times and be thank full that you had her in your life, even if it was for a short time. i have been through a lot in my life and you just got to tell your sell that stuff happens and people die for a reason. every thing happens for a reason even if you don't agree with it, just live your life the best you can and learn from it. pass on the happiness to other people you know and keep it going... sorry and hang in there k i know how you feel..

Answer 5

The first close relative I lost was my mom almost 2 years ago. It is the single worst thing that has happened in my life. The only thing that helped was taling to a grief counselor. It also helped to know that she was not in pain anymore. Talk to your parents and get a qualified grief counselor to deal with how you are feeling. Being angry, mad, sad, etc is normal. Try to remember the good times like the weekends you visited her and the time you lived with her. She wouldn't want you to remember her in pain, that is why she tried to hide it from you. I am sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age. I have a daughter your age and one that is 7. They have both had a hard time dealing with my mom's death b/c she was they only grandparent they really saw. Please email me if you need to at [e-mail]. maybe you could email my daughter and share some things b/c she is having a difficult time and she really doesn't talk about it.

Answer 6

You don't need to forget anything. You can cry as long as you want. Grieve as long as you wish. Time will help you heal eventually. My five year old daughter passed away last August 2006. I've never gotten over it. And I know I never will. But I know in time, it'll be better. It will be the same thing for you. Things will get better as time passes by. Keep her in your heart forever and cherish all the memories you had when she was still alive.

Answer 7

My brother past away last Dec..he too from illness, I knew it was coming sooner than later but his passing is a hard thing to deal with, I find alot of comfort having a group of pictures hanging on my wall of the good times we shared and it allows me to remember him when he was so full of life.

Answer 8

rember the pain she was in, now she is free of it.

my dad died of cancer when i was 10, i was sad, but at the same time i was happy that he was no longer in pain. plus the added bonus of knowing i will see him again helps.

Answer 9

I understand about dealing with death, I am sure that she knew that you loved her. don't look on her death as a bad thing just look at it like this, she is at peace and not suffering any more. she has gone to a different plane of existence.

Answer 10

I don't think she'd appreciate it if you dwelled on the bad things, to be honest. After all, she was strong enough to do things with you, even when it got really bad; and she was the one who was dying, right? So make her proud by being strong about all this, and you'll be okay.