my soon to be mother in law is driving up the wall! she is a pack rat and loses everything! i need some advice

Question

1st she accidently threw away my wedding dress, then lost ALL of my addresses for the wedding invitations. and then went to my florist and changed my order! i am trying to be calm about all of this but i have literaly had enough! the reason she is like this is bcuz her only daughter got married and she would not let her have anything to do with planning it. and now she is going freaking crazy on mine. i have just about lost my last nerve! i really need advice!

Answer 1

First off pack rats save everything, not lose everything, hence the use of the word "pack"... they pack it away. Second, if your mother-in-law feels that she has the right to make certain decisions then she will. You must be clear with her that she does not have that right and as a safety net make sure that the services you employ for your wedding know it as well. Take the time to talk to your fiance and explain what is happening and how it is making you feel. Once you have done this, go and speak to his mother with him in tow. He should have no problem helping you set the boundaries for his mom. If he does then you have a whole other situation to deal with before you make this woman a relatively (no pun intended) permanent part of your life.

Answer 2

You lost me on the accidentally threw out your wedding dress? Does she want you in the family? Dear, its time to set some limits. How do you get yourself into this? Somewhere you are inviting her and the chaos.....call your florist and all your other vendors and make sure you have the final say (so long as you are pay ing). If you are not paying, then unfortunately you can't just run riot. I dont know how much time you have, but you need to figure this out, now. Has she clearly indicated what things she is willing to help with in the wedding? Did she offer you any gifts? If not, then the expense and the planning is on you. It is not mandatory for the parents to do anything. Maybe now y ou know why her daughter wouldnt let her plan.....she is well intentioned but doesnt really know how to organize and coordinate things. Take the cue from her own family. Ask your husband what to do, he has been handling her forever..... Good luck and god bless

Answer 3

the best advice i can give, because i have the same problem only its with my mother is this, stop involving her. become to busy to go wedding shopping with her. use your friends and your hubby to be as excuses. also lay it out on the line, you must tell her that all tho you appreciate her help she needs to back off and let you make all the decisions for your wedding. tell her to not buy anything with out talking to you first because you might have already bought it.

if you step in and stop her from taking over shell eventually understand that she cant control your wedding. after all its your wedding not your mother in laws.

another thing to do is to tell your venues that only your self and the groom are going to be the ones to make changes no other person. that's what i did and a lot of places already are that way. no one can make the changes but the bride and groom.

it helped a lot. now all i do is inform my mother whats going on, i haven't involved her in any of the decisions or shopping.

think positive, don't let other people grey your blue sky's. its a happy day after all. best of blessings to you both :D

Answer 4

Well, you should have handled things by yourself. I wouldn't have had my wedding gown at someone else's home, nor the master list for the guests. If you were the one dealing with the florist, and your name was on the deposit, etc. there is no way the florist would have changed the order if someone else came in to do it.

Answer 5

well now you see why her daughter did what she did and for one thing i would be really mad at a person who i hired to do something for my wedding and did not ask me for final OK before making any changes to something about my wedding so you need to make that clear with everyone who you hire also i would only give her simple jobs to do not things that are important and that you guys can do together such as go through a catalog and pick items to order she will feel like she helped but you do all the final ordering an delivery and payments so its not messed up and ask your fiancee to help if he sees trouble then he can step in and say oh mom i think we got that i really want to help pick it out with (you) so let me have that chance and the next one is yours!

Answer 6

I paid for my wedding so I made it clear that I have final say. If she's helping to pay for the wedding this is a tough predicament but also shows you what your future holds in store for you. You have to make it clear to all the vendors and the location that only you or your future husband will make changes.

Answer 7

Keep your stuff at your place of residence. If you are living with her, rent a small storage place or get a lock for your room/closet. Tell your vendors that your word is law, they should understand that. And relax! Remember, you are marrying the man, not the mother. Although, if he doesn't stand up for you and your wishes, perhaps you might want to rethink things..... Good luck sugar!

Answer 8

Have your future husband get involved and control his mother. Sit down and talk with her. If she wants to help ok but don't change your plans that you have already made and done. It's your wedding and your memories not her's.

Answer 9

Easily solution. Stop storing your things with your mother in law and don't tell her who your vendors are. You don't need to have your dress or invitations in her possession, and she doesn't need to know who your florist is.