My BIL (as I'll call him in "short form") has been kind of a jerk from the moment I met him. He's a victim. Just ask him! Everyone's out to get him. The banks, his creditors (oh, and he's not responsible for his bad credit -- his ex-girlfriend is, or so he claims), people in general in the community... It got real old, real fast. He exaggerates everything, almost to the point of out-and-out lying about things or events he has no real knowledge of, just to make himself feel important (I think he has a serious self-esteem problem). Now he's married a good-hearted, albeit naive young girl, and he's got her totally suckered in to his little web (bad credit, persecution, etc.) He completely mooches off his parents, and doesn't have a real job (his parents pay him to do odd jobs around the house!). My husband is so sick of him that they rarely speak anymore. My issue: I quite like my sister-in-law, but hate seeing her get sucked in by my BIL. How can I help her out?
2007-03-28 16:25:23 · 8 answers · asked by jeffs_wife_ali _&_adams_mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
BIL has a long history of being an a**. He's verbally abusive toward my SIL (Hubby has had a serious talk about him with this, but BIL, naturally, resented him saying anything). BIL claims he can't work due to a bad back, and while he has had back surgery, how can he do odd jobs around his parents's place for money, and not be able to work a real job? His parents are always struggling for cash, and he's got them suckered, too. He's gotten his hands on SIL's RSPs, and cashed them in to pay off his debts. He brags about high-paying jobs he's been offered (yeah, right), but he never accepts them (bad back, you know). My SIL came to me for advice, and it was all I could do not to tell her that he needs a good, swift kick in the b*lls to smarten him up. I don't want to be the one to break up their marriage; I think she sees that he's a jerk, but for some reason, she loves him. No accounting for taste. So when she comes to me for advice, what do I tell her? Dump his butt? Or stay?
2007-03-28 16:32:08 · update #1
Be as good of a friend as you can be without over stepping your boundaries. You can tell her until you are blue in the face how bad this guy is, but she will have to see it for herself.... It may take a while, (hopefully sooner rather than later), but when she finally realizes everything you said is true, she will need you to help her pick up the pieces. Be there for her, because she will really need you later on :)
2007-03-28 18:00:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be an grownup, when you get invited to a occasion, GO. That will rationale her plan to backfire. And once more be the Bigger individual and act like an grownup. Play satisfactory and smile to her face. Then ***** and moan the entire means dwelling while they're properly out of listening to. Edit: Heartson, honestly learn the query earlier than answering. IT IS HER BROTHERS WIFE NOT HER HUSBANDS SISTER. People who don't pay concentration annoy me, sorry.
2016-09-05 19:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by picone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as the family keeps him afloat he has no need to change his behavior. Your husband should talk to his parents about this since they are the ones preventing him from growing up.
Don't give sil advise unless asked. She should not support him under these circumstances. Hope she doesn't start having kids with him. Then her life will really be hell.
2007-03-28 17:06:04 · answer #3 · answered by joker_32605 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She already knows that he is a loser. If you tell her it will only bring resentment. Just be a great listener and be there for her. Good friends are Good listeners. Be there for her. Try and get her to go places with you. Do fun things together. Just you and her. Try to get her to see a better side of life without ever saying anything negative.
2007-03-28 16:58:27 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There seems to be one in every family. I have almost the same issue going on in my family...
However, I have learned when it comes to in-laws, you as an in-law need to tread carefully. Even the best of intentions in this situation can backfire on you. So, in private with your husband, you can probably express your opinions, but never to his parents, the brother-in-law, OR his wife. You may just be seen as a trouble maker in the family as backwards as that sounds!
So support your husband and be there for him, but don't go any further. Your sister-in-law will have to learn on her own, no matter how much it kills you to watch it.
2007-03-28 16:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by Smooch The Pooch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are between a rock and a hard place.
just be her friend but watch your back as she is still
his wife and sometime the messenger of bad news gets into trouble..it can backfire on you...so watch yourself
2007-03-28 16:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay out of it she will find out eventually what a creep he is, she will get tired of his old song and dance.
2007-03-28 16:32:58 · answer #7 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be nice for a while get him to do some work for you whan he wants patment show him all his ious thatshoud get rid of him
2007-03-28 16:33:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋