In a sticky situation. Should I tell the priest??

Question

My fiance is in the Army and for financial and other reasons we got married civilly last Nov, but noone knows except my sister. We are having a Catholic ceremony and big reception this Oct. When we originally wanted to marry civilly, I wanted my family's ok, but my Dad blew up and would not condone it, he's very traditional. We did it anyway b/c it was the best for us and our situation. I'm afraid to tell the priest b/c I don't want to have just a renewing of the vows...if my Dad found out we're already married the whole day/night would be a disaster. However, I may have to tell the priest b/c he's going to ask to sign the license.....which we already have dated last Nov.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have a normal ceremony, how do I do it?? Please note, I really am a good Catholic, law-abiding, normal, kind person....just in a difficult situation!

Answer 1

My husband's in the Army too. And we got married by Justice of the Peace first, and several months later we got married through the Catholic church. Before you get married you will have to provide proof of a marriage license, and have to be married by JP. Because of this there's no way to keep the priest from knowing you have been married for awhile. Don't worry, priests know how to keep secrets, and he won't tell your parents. Relax, enjoy your day, and trust me, if you're as devout as you sound, the religious ceremony will be unique and special, and will not feel like your renewing your vows!

Answer 2

I understand that you are between a rock and a hard place, but as a Catholic myself, it would be a sin to omit the truth from your priest and pretend as though you have not civilly married. As far as the Catholic Church is concerned, you are still not married, so it isn't a big deal from that perspective and he will be performing the sacrament of matrimony (there isn't really a renewing of vows when the church doesn't recognize any marriage took place civilly). Plus, anything you say in confidence to the priest, cannot be told to anyone else, so you should be safe if you "confess".

As an aside, please don't take this the wrong way, but I wonder about your maturity if you are still worried about what your parents think. You are an adult who is allowed to live your life your own way. I know how hard it can be to go against your parents, but you need to grow up a bit and stop worrying about their concerns. Besides, I think your father would not be bothered by this as much if he knew you still planned to go through with the Catholic ceremony. He was probably just worried that the marriage would not be recognized by the Church if it was not performed in the Church (i.e., your children would technically be illegitimate, divorce wouldn't matter because you were never really "married," etc.). Knowing you are going to still take the sacrament in October should be of some comfort to him.

Answer 3

I would make an appointment with the priest and discuss the situation fully. Ask for his advice on how to approach your Dad. I would even ask for his help if it is necessary. You did the right thing and your fiance shows true love for you by doing this. You did the best with a difficult situation, you are a fine person. You Dad needs to step up and be a good forgiving Catholic and get over it.

Answer 4

I would just tell the priest that this is for the family to see kind of thing and not a renewing of the vows.. or just tell him you already have a license .... all you really have to do is tell him that you want it to be a normal wedding and it isn't needed to mention the date on the license... though I don't think he would anyway. You should be alright, but you will probably need to explain the priest your situation... he will understand i am sure.

Answer 5

Well, will your priest lie for you too? What, is your Dad gonna disown you or something? If you're an adult, then it's really no bodies business, (including Dear Old Dad) that you made the choice to get married. But then again, if your Dad is forking over a bunch of money because he expects you to walk down the isle like a good little Catholic girl, then you need to be honest with him. Why should you get away with lying to anyone? You made your bed, now lie in it.

Answer 6

I was married a year ago to a military man myself due to deployment, and we cant have our ceremony till next year. I am treating the ceremony as if we were not married. I dont know what to tell you about the priest. I am not catholic but I think that he will understand if you explain about the military. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Which country are you? The priest does not have to know. I don't think it matters whether you are married somewhere else or not. A lot of people gets married every year. To me marriage is affirmation of your love, whether you do it in front of a priest or not. Just enjoy your wedding and the rest will work out for you.

Answer 8

personnally i would explain the situation to the priest. I'am sure he'll be understanding. confessions private right? I in turn don't believe u did anything wrong either, but this will give u a relief. Planning weddings can be stressful in there self so going to confession will give u a release ( so no more guilt)

Answer 9

your obstacle isn't with the Priest or the ceremony...it's with your dad. Explain it to him, he may be able to help. And if you have the kind of relationship with him that makes this situation impossible, then why do you care in the first place??!!

Answer 10

idont think the preist would care as civil mariage isnt recognized by the church so he should be more than willing to "do it the right way in the eyes of the lord" and he isnt allowed to tell any one anything you tell him in confidence even if hes you dads best friend hope this helps you good luck