I tell him I love him, text him and call him several times a day, go out with him and fawn all over him every chance I get (which isn't enough because of our schedules). Still, if I get busy in the day with my job or my kids and he texts me, I might not be able to get back to him within a few minutes. If there's ever so much as a few hours (or even half an hour sometimes) that I don't get back to him, he gets all offended or hurt. He writes things like, "Are you tired of my texts or just busy?" Or even, "I thought things were going well." Today I must have been on the phone with him at least 2 hours (he was wonderful in helping me with a problem, and I expressed a ton of gratitude), plus at least a dozen texts exchanged between us, but when my cell phone cut out and then I went to a restaurant where there was no signal and he couldn't reach me, he texted "Touche," as in, "you win" (like I'm trying to hurt him!). I love him, but he has no faith in my love for him.
2007-03-28 16:02:05 · 17 answers · asked by nondescript 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would never dump him. I'm deeply in love (and lust). He brightens my day and stirs my loins (when he's not acting all hurt).
2007-03-28 16:05:48 · update #1
His ex-wife was a cheater.
2007-03-28 16:15:23 · update #2
You should talk to him about how you feel about him. His ex-wife was a cheater, its quite normal for him to be a little paranoid, and insecure after a failed relationship. Continue to allay his fears by repeatiedly telling him that you love him, but sincrely or he might think that it is only a routine. All the best (:
2007-03-28 17:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by dahhlingg 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you won't like this but this letter does not give the ages--so I have to assume you are both young people--may be teens?? I say this because you have no idea how dangerous this guy is---he isn't inscure--he is a control addict that has found a girl that will endure his manipulation tactics. He is a classic case and a future abuser--because as time goes on he will start physically making his displeasure known to you--he will grab and smack you for not calling. You will have no life of your own. He will probably move you far from home and hold you captive...controlling your every move and thought. This is a fact--you have got to admit that you are with a strange bird here. they are all good at sex and attention that seems loving and caring---then the little experiments start--just to see if you are the girl he wants for his abusive future. The girls have low self esteem, and are mommy types--like they can change or take care of him---"he needs me" types.
You admit that he is hot and you are hooked--he is good at all this stuff---you need to get away while you can...you don't have a relationship---you have a part in a dangerous play---but this is no game--it is life--you better watch out. If you don't believe me--get some books about battered women--how they all were taken by the exact same type of guy. So unless you are ready to see the light---you better at least straighten this guy out. I will bet that in a week he will have another girl ready to be just like you are now. This is a game they play. REAL MEN DO NO DO THIS. Go get yourself ready to find a mature, self confident man who shows respect and courtesy--has an education and is not smothering or demanding. The whole problem with this insecure guy is a childhood that lacked any structure or education that offered rewarding self confidence to this guy. He has low self esteem and has the need for attention and affection. He needs to show power, and control...he needs to have dominance. Does he hate or hurt little animals.?? have a warped sense of what is fair---can't stand to lose?? Hates women in his family?? Is his mother overbearing or is she a drunk or a druggie?? These are a small sample of what leads these guys to be control freaks. Remember Jeffrey Dahmer who killed and ate gays?? mass murderers that killed only women??? Hey, they all had trouble with mom. You have a serious decision here--you can't stay for lust---that is just silly----anybody can make good love---you better wake up and get away.
2007-03-28 23:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Texasrose: This sounds like he was cheated on before. I don't think his insecurities come from you but from himself. You can't fix this. He has to fix it. You have a job, and Kids and you have time for all these texts and nonsense? I'm betting that if he can't stop being such a "nudge" that you aren't going to be able to take this long term. I give it less than a year at its present pace. It isn't love without trust. It is simply obsession. If he can't trust you -- he can't love you. This guy needs some counseling. Either he cheated on his last GF or she cheated on him but either way he is a mess right now and not someone I would want being around my children. You need to think about what you are teaching your kids with this relationship and rest assured everything we do is teaching a kid something. -k-
2007-03-28 23:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by kbama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he is so insecure. Maybe he was in a past relationship where things ended seemingly out of the blue or maybe he was cheated on. Whatever it is, I think the best way to solve a problem like this is to get to figure out what the cause of it is. And the only way to do that is to sit down and have an open and honest discussion about it.
2007-03-28 23:07:58 · answer #4 · answered by Hippie Chick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His problems go beyond insecurities, he's a control freak. You love him but if you stay and your relationship progresses your life will become a living hell. Men/women with these issues eventually try to cut you off from your friends and family and many end up abusive one way or another. Cut your losses before you get deeper into this mess or your life will never be normal. Don't be surprised if you do try to leave he'll threaten suicide (don't fall for it, it's just more control) or become a nightmarish stalker doing irreparable damage. You know something is wrong, don't be an enabler to his insanity, you can't fix this one.
2007-03-28 23:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by lindalousmile 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There isn't a lot you can do. Sounds like he's had a bad past with other girls in his past. To make you feel better. If you got notting to hid you live your life like an open window. If your true and faitful. Then there should be notting for him to worry about. If he still doesn't trust you. Then you need to go on and find a new guy. And if he thinks your cheatend on him. You know the truth and your friends and faimly knows the truth. I hope you the best and I hope he can trust you.
2007-03-28 23:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by Hot asain mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He have to know that he is not the only person in your life and that you cannot just stop what you are doing everytime he call. He must have trust are there is nothing. You have kids and if they are young then you have to give them time to. He must also realize that most of the problem is with him. He need to probably just heal from a past relationship. You may start by explaining to him that you love him and want to be with him but he have to decide to be with you and not his past.
2007-03-28 23:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by kool aid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy and low self esteem are the worst character traits ever. It leads to violence and even death.
It's one of those emotions that is destructive in a relationship.
He needs to either stop or he'll have a self fulfilling prophecy that you want to leave him.
Stop coddling him and live like a normal person. YOU CAN'T make him secure no matter what you do, it's all up to him.
I know from experience, it only gets worse.
2007-03-28 23:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by SemperFi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
honey it's not about the faith he has self esteem issues. someone he cared for in the past really hurt him and now he's clinging on to you because he feels deeply for you and is just on guard. he's not secure with himself. there's not much you can do but help him build his self esteem because in the long run you are going to wear yourself out trying to keep him pacified!
2007-03-28 23:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by Snickerlicious 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he sounds super insecure. trying to help him deal with that is a full time job and it sounds like you've got enough on your plate as it is. move on. find someone who doesn't demand every single second of your time. someone who understands that your kids, yourself, your job (in that order) are way more important and demanding than his text messages.
2007-03-28 23:08:05 · answer #10 · answered by ?karissa? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋