Dying family member...?

Question

I wrote this poem for a family member who is about to die of cancer... I would like some unbiased thoughts before giving it to him. Feedback?



Slipping, in quiet dignity,
Yielding to black river’s might;
Still many gripped by morbid awe,
For somebody has died tonight.

Hushed whispers, their motley circle,
On fear and infamy they thrive.
Strangers bound by others’ despair
But what mind, were he still alive?

Driving alone under gray sky,
Light fading on a one-way street;
My mind drowned in melancholy
For promise we shan’t again meet.

This agony of consciousness,
The tragic place in which we stay,
Consumes my fragile heart; and yet
I knew him, on a better day.

Answer 1

This is a really good poem in itself, but in my opinion it's not something I would want to give to a dying family member. The tone seems to be really depressing--I'm imagining myself about to die and reading this so that I can be unbiased. It makes me a little scared actually, with the "black river's might," and "for promise we shan't again meet." It makes me feel dark and alone, and I know I wouldn't want to die feeling like that.

However, like I said, in itself it is a very good poem. But I think it would bring more sorrow to your dying relative. If you still feel you need to express it, I would suggest you share it with a close friend after your relative has passed if he actually does.

Answer 2

Honestly, though a good poem, I don't think it's the right type of poem to give to someone who is about to die of cancer. Let them go in peace, not fear and sorrow! Remind them of how much you love them, or how life has been good (give reasons) or something like that?

The poem is very sad and gloomy. It made me somewhat shiver at the thought of death.

Answer 3

I wouldn't give this to a person about to die. It is too sad. It is good work, like maybe what you would read after the funeral. This person who is dying knows that death is like next door and I don't think your poem will generate peaceful thoughts, rather scary and worrying about the people that they will leave behind.

Answer 4

its a good poem but if they are dying of cancer i would give them something with more hope, reassurance, brightness your poem,like i said, is good but its too dark for someone who is already dying.

Answer 5

this is okay for you to use as an outlet for your fears and pain but i wouldn't recommend sharing w/ other members of your family-it will only hurt them more. sorry about your soon to be loss ♥

Answer 6

say something like ; let us rejoice and sing our songs for a angel has got his wings and on his way home.....

Answer 7

dark thoughts