My son will not talk to me ever since he got married. MY DIL has made numerous comments about me and my family. I have said nothing. It is obviuos when they did come and visit last year she did not want to be here, and they fought. I told him we wouls come over there for Xmas as I thought it would be easier for them w/ the new baby. My som informed me that if I want to see him, I have to ask his wife. My husband and I refused to ask wife wofe for permission to see him. They are now fighting with out other son. This is such a family mess. He will not talk to me and my heart is broken b/c I only see my grandson through pictures on the internet. I could really use help getting into a grandparent support group with ours who can;t see their grandchildren. It stinks to be the in-laws.
2007-03-28 15:49:43 · 5 answers · asked by sharon w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi Sharon!
I'm sorry you are having this problem. It must be so hard for you as a grandparent to not see your grandbaby.
However, while you say it stinks to be the in-law, you should remember that she is the in-law also. I don't see why she would be upset for no reason at all. Being a daughter in law myself (kind of, my boyfriend and I have a 4 year old together) and talking to others who are daughters in law, we get a little annoyed at certain "quirks", as another poster stated, that it seems mothers in law don't realize they are portraying. Is there anyway you might have done or said anything to offend her? Given her your opinion about how to raise your grandchild? Many mothers are sensitive about being given advice, however innocent, as they feel someone is pointing out they are doing something wrong when they are trying so hard to be perfect. She should politely tell you herself if there is a problem, but she could be feeling shy, intimidated by your authority as your son's mother, or just unsure of how to express her feelings.
The important thing here is to find out the reason your daughter in law is upset in the first place. She may have taken a comment out of context, or may have been overly sensitive to something that wasn't meant to be taken badly. If your son is standing by and agreeing with her, this must be something serious and that he feels strongly about too.
That is the only first step I can see in this situation. What comments exactly has she made about the family? You should pay attention to these--you may need to look at your family to see if they are true. If they are not true, you need to address the specific topics and emphasize they are false. If your son won't talk to you, maybe he would read a letter? An e-mail? Or ask your other son to talk to him? In any case, you need to get to the bottom of why your DIL feels the way she does. I don't see any other way--I don't think simply joining a grandparent support group will help at all *unless* you are actively doing something to improve the situation. Like another poster said, if you are only there to "rant" about the situation, that might only lead to more anger and hurt, which won't help in coming to a peaceful resolution. I hope you are all able to resolve this and your family finds peace =) Best wishes, and sorry this post is so long! I genuinely want to be of help!
Added after original posting of my answer:
I just came across another question you asked about not being appreciated by your husband. Is there anyway the tension in your marriage is showing, and your DIL is uncomfortable with it? This may be why she does not want to be around your family. (just a thought)
2007-03-28 16:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by anothernickname 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't have to stink to be the inlaws honey. You just need to take a different approach. Everyone has their weird quirks and without even knowing it, you may have done something to disrespect her over the years. It could be anything. However, life is short and you can spend it in some grandparent support group ranting about how unfair this is, or you can take the bull by the horns and show up un-announced to have a heart to heart with this daughter in law to clear the air.
I have to caution you though, that based on how your son is refusing to get caught up in the middle, it's something serious and you should be the one to make the first move.
2007-03-28 16:02:54 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there something you are not telling us? Seems strange that your DIL would act that way for no reason at all. If she is acting that way for no reason, your son needs to get himself and his son far, far, far away from her. Because she is a "nut case".
2007-03-28 16:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son keeps this up and he'll be asking his wife permission just to go pee. He needs to knock that crap off and stand up to his wife.
2007-03-28 16:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
So what did you do to pi$$ her off? There has to be SOMETHING else going on.
2007-03-28 15:57:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋