Should I let my boyfriend do this?

Question

My boyfriend is planing on leaving for Iraq in December. He hasnt signed any papers yet because he hasnt turned 18 yet but his recruiter is already making him do all kinds of standard things like take a drug test and go up for a physical 4 hours away from home and hes only 17! ive tried everything and i cant change his mind. we used to have plans for him to go to a culinary school right next to the college i am going to attend so we could be together but now hes leaving me.The only interest he has is cooking so the minimum amount of years to sign up for in cooking is 4. how am i supposed to deal with him not being around for 4 years......

we have been together for the last 3 years and its not like a dumb high school relationship. i have already gotten pregnant once and had a miscarriage and he has lived with me since he was 15 years old because him step dad was abusive.i dont know how to deal with not having someone to hold everynight and someone to make me feel better when im sad.

i can trust him even though he cheated on me once in the first 3 months of our relationship but how can i be sure he will stay the same when hes in another country? also he is the only guy ive ever been with and i dont know how im supposed to deal with having no one there for me for 4 years. i am already dealing with depression and have other major things in my life like taking care of my mom because she is very sick from breast cancer and also my best friend is extremely epileptic and it is hard to even be around her because it seems like every time im with her she had one. i love them both to death but i have no one to deal with. how do i get over the fact that i cant change is mind and how do i convince myself that i can trust him?.

actually yes he is telling the truth because i had a one one one meeting with his recruiting officer today and he told me that bush would like to get 25,000 more soldiers recruited by december.i aksed him every question i had and all the doubts and it turns out everythign my boyfriend said was true. also he is going to leave in august because legally a 17 year old can leaving for boot camp as long his legal parent will sign for him. and im sorry what i meant to say is he leaves for basic training in august then 6 months later is getting shipped to Iraq and any one who is hust giving me smart *** answers please stay out of cuz its obvious that your to afraid to stand up for your country and be willing to die and thats fine but dont give me **** because my boyfriends is.

Answer 1

Right... My boyfriend was looking at the military himself, but he is not actively looking right now. Let me put it this way: you two are very young- don't try to prove that your relationship is "not some dumb high school relationship". Even if you are Christian, I hardly see anyone that says you should not date multiple people before you get married (sex is another issue, but dating is not). Anyway, if he really wants to, there is no way to stop this. Let me also suggest not doing anything that will dominate the rest of your life (marrying him, getting pregnant, etc.) You are going to change as you grow older, and he might not be right for you. At least wait till your mid twenties to get married, is my advice for you. As for him? Well, let me say this: the situation in the world (Iraq, Afghanistan) sucks for American soldiers. However, coming from that background, I am not surprised he wants to join the military. You see, many men who have had a troubled life feel the need for structure, to make their own life- and that is what the military provides- a way out. I might suggest talking to him, and asking him if he realizes that your relationship probably won't last. Believe me, you are young and there are many opportunities out there. Even if you plan to marry him but he goes off to Iraq, don't be afraid of dating others. You sound like you would benefit from seeing the world and experiencing it. I know it sounds scary, and you can't imagine yourself anywhere else but in his arms, but trust me, at least try to explore before you get married- marriage is something that will tie you down with responsibilities, and take away any ability to go out and explore. Additionally, it sounds like you two have troubled enough backgrounds that I am not sure that you have the strongest foundation for a relationship. It doesn't matter how you feel, but how the relationship works- and if you two both have such big problems in your lives, then it sounds like you could benefit from being single, dating others, and generally not being in a year or more longer relationship. Remember, life is good, you are young, and don't give up on your dreams! Maybe your boyfriend couldn't look up to his father because he is abusive: if you don't let your boyfriend do what he needs to do to find himself, he will grow up stunted, unable to give his love fully, angry, repressed, and perhaps mirror his father's behavior. Write to me if you wish; if this does not tell you my e-mail, respond back and I will privately send you mine.
Best Regards,
Marla

Answer 2

You Know I Joined The Marines A Week After My Seventeenth Birthday. Your Saying He Will Deploy In December? I Highly Doubt It But I Suppose It Could Be A Possibilty. Also Don't Let The Recruiter Lie To You. A Four Year Contract Is Not The Minimum. I Think You Need To Really Think About How Much You Care About Him. If You Decide You Want To Stay With Him Then You Will Support Him In His Decision. If He Goes, Support Him. If He Doesn't, Support Him. Also The Responsibliy Sounds Like It Would Be Good For Him Especially Considering You've Already Gotten Pregant Before And Hes Not Even Eighteen Yet..

I Have To Say That Even Though I Joined So Young I Believe I Made The Right Choice But Also The Military Isn't For Everyone.

Answer 3

Honey, you need to realize that this is his decision alone. You make it sound like the military is all bad. It's not. But if this decision isn't for him, he will find that out. A man can join at 17 if he is still in high school, sweetheart. MEPS is to see if he is physically qualified for the military. Also, the way it sounds, he will still be in training in December. He still has to go through Basic and AIT so depending on his MOS, he could still be training in December and not go. The recruiter can't make him do anything. This is all his choice. Does he state his reasons for joining? Is he deadset on this? If he is, you can't change his mind. You will be able to deal with him being gone. I promise. Just keep in mind, this is HIS decision but let him know how you feel about it. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

hes not going to iraq any time soon. he needs to do this first. 1) graduate highschool june time frame. 2) graduate basic, 9 weeks 3) graduate AIT. time depends on the job he chooses. 4) go to a unit , atleast 2 weeks to get his CIF issue.
after all of this he could be deployed but highly unlikely. talk to him and tell him to look for a post close to u. if he gets it then u can seem him just as u see him now. hell work from 6:30 am to about 4 pm with weekends off, holidays off, and summer vacation, christmas vacation and thanksgiving weekend off. being in the army does not end your life. hell if u marry him the army will pay for u to move down with him and pay for your house and food.
also crying and whining until he leaves is not gonna help u 2 stay together. it might drive him away. make the best of it, have fun with him, remind him why he dates u in the first place, and when he goes to basic wirte him letters, send him pictures. if u want it to work it will.

Answer 5

Well... if he hasn't yet joined, you don't know WHEN he might be deployed... so saying he's going to Iraq in December is WAY off base. Second, he'll be home on leave between deployments... so you WILL see him.

The military is a great place for young men to learn responsibility, to grow in character, and to learn marketable job skills.

You must let him go because this isn't about you, it's about him and a decision he is making for HIS life. If you want to stay his girlfriend, you'll become his biggest supporter... and stop trying to change his mind. Show him how proud you are of him. He will feel such pride in his military accomplishments, if you aren't fully supportive, he may just find someone who is.

Answer 6

He's not leaving for Iraq in December. There is ZERO possibility he would know this.

He hasn't even ENTERED the military yet... All he's done is talk to a recruiter! He still has basic training ahead of him (which he will not leave for immediately) and then AIT. He'll then move to a unit. (There's December or later right there.)

Once he's in a unit there's no guarantee that he'll leave right away (or at all depending on his MOS). He might get to a unit just as they're coming back.

If he's the one telling you he's going to Iraq in December, he's lying to you for some weird reason. Better to find out why he's lying and scaring you than worry about him entering the military.

Answer 7

I am a military wife and I can tell you first hand that if he does go into the military you will have to get used to him being gone anyway, no matter where he goes. You are young and you need to learn how to start to grow up, and that means being independent. The military will be good to help him do that. College is what your focus should be on. You are going to need to step up and take control of what you can, your own life. If he knows this is what he wants to do, he will need your support. ( If you want to make it work.) I hope that things work out well for you both.

Answer 8

Look honey. 3 years is a long time. I was with my guy for 4 years. We almost got married. He went to Iraq and he came home a diffenent person. He pretty much pushed me out of his life. If your guy goes to Iraq he may come home with PSTD like my guy. Can you two stick it out for 4 years. Sure. I spend most of my relationship far away. It work out for a long time. But be careful. The war is not a pretty thing. And who knows what he will be like when he comes back.

Answer 9

To begin with, he hasn't even finished BT yet, right? It's not conclusive that he'll go to Iraq before they pull out, so keep your fingers crossed on that score. In fact, you might want to tell him that so that he might think things through. However, if he still decides he wants to join up, and he does wind up in the Middle East, you can rest assured he'll be faithful because over there, if a man who isn't approved by a girl's parents to have a relationship has one anyway, he'll wind up in court and lose a very dear part of his anatomy at the LEAST. So I think he'll be faithful.

But ask yourself this: Is his heart really into the relationship? Because it sounds to me like he wants out, and that's usually a sign that he's not really happy with your relationship anymore. So maybe you might want to ask him if that's what he's really feeling, and ask him to be honest. If he doesn't want to stay, let him go; you'll find someone else. Really. So don't worry, keep a cool head, and start making your own decisions. I trust that you'll do better once you know the truth, and that you'll come out of this all right. Okay?

Answer 10

Start to live without him - NOW! Pretend he's gone
He is going to Iraq to escape the pressure at home, thinking a four year break will allow him to come back to a fresh start.
If he can see you moving away from him now, he may not feel the pressure to go.
You have his life planned for him, and he hasn't had a chance to be a teenager. I no it hurts and you get an ache in your stomach, but you have to back off. Give him his freedom to grow up.
Been there, done that, (UK to Canada)