I Feel Crazy....?

Question

Alot of times I feel disconnected from everyone, and sort of like I'm floating around in a skin body bag,none of the nerves connecting. I cut myself, esp. when I am angry or stressed or when I just feel nothing. Alot of times I just want to die. Or I want to just slice open a vein, not in a suicidal way...but in a curious way.
I feel like I CAN'T talk about it with people. I don't want to make them uncomfortable or disrupt their lives. I have this big thing about not wanting to bug people or make them worried about me. I don't want to go to therapy because I think of this as my problem and it doesn't matter if their paid to do it, I still don't want to bug them. I want to push my boyfriend away because I don't want to put added stress on him and I feel like I should have to deal with this alone. I also feel like I just want to crawl into bed and ignore everyone and just float around in my skin.
I think I sound prettycrazy, in fact I think I am. I'm just not sure how. Whatshould I do?

I also don't want to be put on meds because I'm afraid they will change me as a person, the good things and that th people who love me now wont love me anymore because I've changed.

Answer 1

Please reconsider seeing a therapist as you are describing some symptoms associated with dissociation. It is not all that uncommon and it doesn't make you "crazy" at all, but I think a professional could help you a great deal to learn some different ways of managing what you are experiencing. The dissociation is directly connected to your need to maintain interpersonal distance and you really need to reframe your concept of sharing how you feel with others as something other than a burden. In fact, I see it as a gift myself when clients as well as friends share their feelings with me.

Oftentimes other people may interpret your desire to handle things alone as distancing and they may feel both rejected and unimportant in your life, or at the least, left out. The ability to share our vulnerabilities with others is an essential ingredient for establishing intimacy in our relationships and for feeling connected to other people. Otherwise we seem unapproachable to others. Not to mention the fact that you yourself are denied the opportunity to really connect with people which contributes to your sense of detachment.

If you have had experiences with people who became overly involved in your life or a parent or person who easily became distraught and overwhelmed, you may have learned to keep your feelings and needs to yourself in order to protect you or them. Therapy can help you learn to set limits that allow closeness with others without feeling smothered or and to choose partners and friends who can be supportive without being burdened and without becoming controlling.

Therapy can also help you learn to cope with your own feelings more effectively without the need to cut in order to connect to your emotions or dissociate and detach from them. Dissociating your feelings isn't an effective or healthy way to manage them and it does have the eventual effect of disconnecting you from feeling altogether, a result that often becomes almost as painful as the feelings were originally.

Therapists don't become burdened by their clients; we are able to maintain our own boundaries in order to help people cope more effectively with their problems without taking responsibility for solving them.

Answer 2

Would it help at all to know that there are many counselors and therapists who really do want to talk to you? You aren't bugging them at all. They are sad you are not feeling so great - but they are really happy to be there for you. They chose to do this job because they wanted to do it.

In fact, many people will just tell you if you are bugging them. You can't do their thinking for them or dictate to them whether or not they are bugged by you.

And if you are bugging them - what's realistically the worse thing that's going to happen?

You're not crazy. You are just caught up in a cycle of thinking and behavior that isn't healthy.

If you decide you'd like to try breaking out of it, there are plenty of people who care about you as well as professionals who will be more than happy (who work for free even) to help you out.

Answer 3

well sounds to me that if you truley feel that way then your hurting the ones you love more by repressing your feelings and not giving them the chance to help you and they will feel ESPECIALLY bad if they found out you hurt yourself and would nt give them a chance..its not bothering them they love you and if you love them and DONT want to hurt them then go talk to them...you might have a chemical disorder and just need some type of medication no big deal millions of people do everyday...the only part i think your crazy about is your crazy not to let your loved ones help you..go talk to them about this "freind" you have and see what they say makes it easier sometimes and good luck

Answer 4

You don't have to go to a therapist if you don't want to, they can't prescribe medication anyway.. Go to a medical doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, and tell him or her how you feel; it sounds like you need to be on medication. Forget about "bugging people", if you need help, you need help.

I used to hate the idea of going to a psychiatrist, I thought they were going to ask me a million questions about my childhood and so on. It wasn't like that at all.

Answer 5

pull ur self up by the boot strap--get professional help--sounds like u might become a pedophile or worse