I've been seeing my bf for over a year now. We have problems definitely..one of them being we come from two totally different worlds. I am from an upper middle class family and never have had a problem needing money (I'm very very thankful for that). He has no one. He lives with his momma still and she's very sick. When I met him he was a loser..he admits it too. Didn't work, smoked weed too much. He has had this job for almost a year now and he got fired for being written up for something very petty. He worked at a hotel and made barely any money. He's always saying he doesn't have enough money. He worked hard, he wants to go to school but can't afford it. He told me he got fired today...and it sounded like he wanted me to throw him a pity party. I don't really feel like doing that. I have my own problems..and he never feels like being extra ooey gooey to me when I tell him about them. I know it sucks for him but maybe I'm just looking to the future..and how we could never make it...
2007-03-28 14:43:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
like this if he can't hold a job and doesn't go to school. I'm in college now. Should I find someone who is better? Becuase although I like him a lot, I don't want to live on nothing forever. I don't want to be a spoiled stuck up *****. But am I wrong for wanting for from someone? I don't know..maybe I'll just not worry about it.
2007-03-28 14:45:30 · update #1
Don't throw a pity party for him.
Let him know what it is you're expecting or looking for in a guy and let him know he has to shape up - or he might get shipped out!
Your options are:
(1) As you are thinking of trading up - just do it. Tell him he's a loser and needs to shape up for his next gf, and dump him. Harder the better. No contact. Break it clean and start afresh.
(2) Give him an opportunity. Set the goals high, break it down into smaller goals. Show him how it can be done. If he REALLY loves you and cares about you, he'll initiate change. On the other hand, he might really love you and care about you but be an insufficiently flexible, adaptable, or capable man. I don't think you want that for the rest of your life. See if he passes the test and you either have a great man who loves you or you have found out his dweeby loserishness pervades and so give him the flick.
2007-03-28 14:48:10 · answer #1 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! When I read this I hear you wanting to be acknowledged for taking in a "loser" making him a "winner". I also hear that you are tired of who you are being in the relationship. Tired of being the provider? Tired of not being heard? Tired from the efforts to encourage and support? Is it possible no pity party will happen because who you've been being in the relationship has exhausted you? Is it possible you made his job loss MEAN something about yourself? No pity party because it means all that exhausts you has left you feeling as if your efforts have failed? Being responsible for a winner feels different than being responsible for a loser?
What keeps you in the relationship is fear of being on your own until you find another that will again exhaust you. What makes you want to go it alone is the courage building in you to take action and be fearless to express yourself fully with another.
2007-03-28 23:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by nmyopinion 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself a new man, if he doesn't have it in himself you can't change him. Don't have any kids because you will be stuck. And if he doesn't care about your problems why should you care about his. Besides losing a job, especially a low paying one, is not the end of the world. There are billions of hotels he can get a new job tomorrow. Let his actions regarding thsi situation bea sign for how he will handle things in the future. If he is going to moap over it, chances are he doesn't have the same drive that you do and it is time to move on.
2007-03-28 21:50:43 · answer #3 · answered by sweetdreams_0423 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong for wanting more or better. Your boyfriend knows your lifestyle and if he planned to make you his wife, he planned to accommodate that lifestyle. If you don't see him as responsible with his job or money, I suggest moving on before you get in too deep. You said you really like him, you didn't mention love so I think it would be easier for you to leave him now. A relationship like this would not work. You're in college to do something better with yourself, he's not and had a low paying job at that. He will always resent the fact that you make more than him, either that or he will become a mooch, and you don't need either one.
2007-03-28 21:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I am sure you heard this before but you can do better, much better. You will make yourself sick trying to motivate him, the problem is work ethic and career drive can not be taught it is innate and taught at young age. You can't make an old dog learn new tricks sorry to say.
2007-03-28 21:50:08 · answer #5 · answered by ACTS 4:12 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he can go back to high school and get a scholarship
2007-03-28 21:49:30 · answer #6 · answered by I love Beatriz...GOT A PROB? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋