I'm about to turn 18 and was my boy friend of 1 year & 4 months asked me to marry him. I do want to marry him and start a new life with him. He is going to study out of the state and asked me to go with him. We love each other so much but my parents don't even know about him. If I leave with him my parents will never forgive me but if I stay I'm afraid that I'll lose him and he is the best boy friend I have ever had I don't want another guy I just want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have about 4 months to decide if I go with him or not. I really do want to go with him but I feel bad leaving my house just like that my parents are expecting me to go to college and not get marry. They don't want me to date until I finish my carrer and my boy friend since the begingn asked me to take him home for my parents could meet him but I told him that I couldn't and I felt bad. I don't know what to do.
2007-03-28 13:59:43 · 23 answers · asked by J 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Be loyal to your family.
2007-03-28 14:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by ushoveit 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you could get engaged and then agree that you'll get married after you both finish college.
If you feel bad about leaving your house, I think that means what you're saying is that no, you're not quite there yet to get married to him. Because you have a lot of dreams and plans of your own. The going to college thing is not just because your parents want you to. It's also for you and for your relationship and for your own future family.
Why don't you apply for college too? Your boyfriend seems to love you and you seem to love him too. You could perhaps ask him to hold that thought and ask you again for marriage after a while?
But...follow your dreams. Really. Your OWN dreams. And when you love each other you can BOTH follow your dreams. It can all be done. People do it all the time. You can have a long-distance relationship for a while. People do that all the time too - it's very, very common these days. That way, both of you can have the peace of mind to finish college but you'll still be together. And then the "reward" will be getting married after both of you have their degrees and jobs.
And...if I may add one more thing: Especially for a woman, it is important that you have an education and can stand on your own feet. You need to make good money on your own. It's not a good idea to depend on a guy. You might even have the potential to make a whole lot of more money that he will. Many women do (well, I do...) - and it's a great feeling! [I can buy all the purses and shoes and clothes and have enough $$$ to buy my own house because it's my own hard-earned money... And STILL have a great guy in my life!]
P.S.: This is a great book on long-distance relationships, check it out. It's very nicely put together.
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Distance-Relationships/dp/1592574289/ref=pd_sim_b_4/102-0783119-9519302
2007-03-28 21:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by Nina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's been your b/f for over a year, why wouldn't your parents know about him? There must be a reason why you never told your parents. If you love and respect your parents, you would tell them about your b/f and how you feel about him - let them meet your b/f.
If you don't have any respect for parents, just leave with your b/f and take your chances. Theres no guarantee it'll work out with you and your b/f. Your parents only want whats best for you - you would want the same for your own kids.
But be careful whatever you decide honey ---- make the wrong decision - it can affect the rest of your life - for the better or worse. Good luck sweety.
2007-03-28 21:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by apache_lizz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only 18 you have a lot of time ahead of you. You need to develop your career and get yourself situated. Because now a days divorce rates are very high. And 1 year and a couple months is no time to get to know a person. If you really wanna know how it will be and if its real. Move in with him for about 6 months. Thats how you see a persons true colors. Its always great when you start off because both parties are putting on this roll to impress the other party. But when you live together thats when are person becomes lax and there true colors come out.
2007-03-28 21:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by rpcogic2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
18 is a very yound age to decide you want to be with some one the rest of your life, but it is possible. I dont think you should marry him. If i was in your situation i would go to collelge while he was out of state. I would get his cellphone # and call maybe once every few months. When he is done studying and you are done with college start a new life with him and live hapily ever after. If for some reason things dont work out then at least you will have a college degree and can live by yourself. Good lucky with your descing and remember God will love you no matter your choice.
2007-03-28 21:08:29 · answer #5 · answered by Willy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a really hard decision for you to make, but the best thing to do is try to think it out from a third person perspective. If it was your friend, what would you tell her? It's really hard to do that, because even when you know the right thing, it still sucks doing it.
Getting married that young with no source of income for the two of you would be extremely hard. Love will get you through alot of hard things in life, but it does not cover all. Love is not going to make rent money or food appear and once you get married, your parents and his will probably consider you independent and pull the $$. That means at least one of you will have to work full-time, putting your education on hold. Don't sacrifice your future for something that will still be there in a few years.
If he really truly loves you, he'd want the best for you, which means finishing your education and his so he can provide for his family. If he doesn't love you enough to want that for you, you deserve better--someone who will love you and appreciate you for the woman you are.
2007-03-28 21:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by Kaycie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've got four months to think about it, anything can happen. Trust your parents enough to explain the situation to them. They should understand, but it appears that you have pretty smart parents who want you to get a good education first. Don't throw away an opportunity. I do think that they are wrong to expect you not to date until you finish your career though. Dating is a essential part of finding the right person to share your life with. Invite your bf to meet your parents. I hope all goes well for you.
2007-03-28 21:06:32 · answer #7 · answered by Suzie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there has to be a reason you cant take him home ,you need to get that settled first of all.then you really need to think,ill tel you what i would tell my own kids if the guy loves you that much he wont go anywhere he will love you no matter what and he will wait for you to finish collage ,you know the old saying if its ment to be it will ,its the truth more than you know right now.im old now and i thought i had to have this and that and all of the things you are doing,but i found out the hard way i didnt know everthing.go to school and if the boy loves you he will wait or go where you are and get work.he will hold you up in your decissions and love you anyway.he will have respect for you,and he will help you.just as you would do for him right?? take care good luck and really think hard ,and have youtalked about all the little things that really matter like is there anything in his bloodline that could effect the kids,who takes the garbage out what do you expect of each other,who works who takes care of the kids,,how does he act around kids and animals,,look at that stuff really closely,who takes care of the money,have you thought about all that cause the funny thing is its that little stuff that you end up fighting about later!! talk to your parents!!! they love you more than anyone on earth!!
2007-03-28 21:16:01 · answer #8 · answered by raindovewmn41 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your Boy did the right thing wanting to meet your parents.
I think you should do that now, let them meet and let them know how serious you are about him. 18 is very young to be getting married and especially if you have so much on your plate right now. I personally would finish your education, if he really loves you and wants you around that much he wants to marry you then he wont be interested in dating anyone while you are apart, dont hold him back as this will only build resentment, but the distance will let you know how right you really are for each other...
My hubbie and I were apart for 2 yrs while dating, and it made our relationship more solid than I could have possably hoped for...distance is always a good indicatior to tell you if its ment to be...
2007-03-28 21:09:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anastasia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your parents are out of touch. Of course you can and should date. But marry at 18? That's nuts im sorry but you are way too young.
If you were 28 I would advise you not to marry him after dating only a little more than a year. Continue dating him and see where it goes. No point in marriage yet.
2007-03-28 21:04:04 · answer #10 · answered by Interested 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should do what your heart desires most. You could now let your parents know of him, and them meet one another. If you want you could for now accept the proposal and merry him him in 2 years or wait for the entire 4 years of college then merry him, its all up to you. But keep in my, he is your first love, you really haven't experienced, and if you don't wait, you might make a mistake and regret it all you life.
2007-03-28 21:05:50 · answer #11 · answered by jumba 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋