I feel I have no real relationship with my own parents, what should I do about this?

Question

My whole life hase been filled with upsets and thrown away opportunities. I'm only a teenager and I'm wishing I was dead. I felt like everything that i've ever done has been nothing and that anyone could do it. Honestly, my parents scare me to the point that I have to lie to get things that I want. Nothing like drugs or anything, but things like spending time with friends or buying certain things that I want. I feel like the bad guy most days and I don't want to see another day because I think to myself that the dead are better off than the living. They don't have to go through these problems, they can sleep eternally with no one to bother them. I'm not the type of person who's going to do something detrimental to hurt anyone, I just want to live my life without looking over my shoulder. Why can't I do that!? I want to feel like I have something to wake up for and that I have some kind of future to look forward to, but I don't. I feel like nothing.

Anyway, about my parents. They're hard working people, but I feel like I have no connection with them because it's hard for me to talk to them. My Mom is a perfectionist and doesn't want me to make decisions on my own and my Dad just lays back and listens to her. I feel like I live with strangers sometimes and that my house is some kind of prison. Now i've picked up a bad habit of lying and it's catching up to me and i'm even cussing at my own Mother. I don't lie to hurt anyone, just to gain individuality. It doesn't make sense to some people, but if you lived under a household, you'd feel the same pressure I feel. I want to build a relationship with my family, but don't know how to do it. What do you think I should do about it because I don't to remember my parents from the words "**** you".

Answer 1

Whoa!!!

I can feel your pain. I grew up with an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive mother and a father who let her do whatever the hell she wanted to do to me.

If you have to lie to go out with friends, feel like the "bad guy most days", and feel fearful of your parents you are probably being abused in some way.

If your parents are behaving in a physically violent manner, getting law enforcement involved is your best bet. Calling the cops on your parents is embarrassing but your life is valuable and you don't deserve bad treatment. If your parents abuse is restricted to non-violent forms you still have options.

If you have good grades and can afford it, going off to college very far away is a good option. If not, getting a job and moving out when you are eighteen is another way of gaining more freedom.

Two, you seem very depressed. And maybe even a little suicidal. Please seek counseling.

Answer 2

It sounds like you have to lie to spend time with friends or buy certain things? Why don't you have a job? It sounds like you feel like your accomplishments are mediocre - well, you're a teenager and in the grand scheme of things, they probably are.
You parents are demanding. They probably are motivated to try to get you through high school at least to the next stage which would be college. Think about this - that is where most kids have a chance to either enjoy a great amount of freedom and coast through an academic career or they actually accomplish things BIG TIME in college that pay off for many years to come.
Grants, prizes, awards - you want to accomplish something that is not mediocre: there is a lot you can do in college that can be on a resume forever. Not to mention, if you always thought it would be cool to be x or to do x, college is the place to learn to be and to do.
It's not accident that once the ball gets rolling with some substantial goals in sight, it's easy to tack on 2 years of graduate school.
You need to lighten up, stop lying, get a girlfriend who means something to you and cut your parents some slack. The depressing talk is impressive but as problems go, yours aren't so different from the average complacent petulant adolescent. Your parents probably hope you will go to college, have a secure job future, enjoy yourself, make a good choice in marriage and have a happy life with comfort and children to love you. Gee, what could those awful parents be thinking!
You want a relationship with them. Make a relationship with them by talking to them. Argue with them but love them too!

Answer 3

You are 16 years old. Of course your mom don't want to turn you loose She loves you. and wants what is best for you.

If you are lieing to her she knows, which makes her wonder why you are lieing if you are doing nothing wrong then there is nothing to lie about.

Stop lieing and be honest with your parents talk to them every day. tell them what is going on in your world.
They have been teens before and no they may not have experieced every thing you are but I bet they went through some simmular stuff.

Trust and decission making go hand in hand. If you don't trust some one, how can you let them make decissions this is where so many kids get into feeling like they are prisoners you tell one lie then another then another then you live in fear of being caught you stop talking to your parents because what if you slip up.

Parents notice these things like I said they did it themselves.
They begin to snoop and pressure and use their power over you out of fear of the unknown. This is a very bad and dangerouse world there is so much crap out there we are litterally scared to death.

The more we know about you, your friends, your plans where you are the better we feel. Talk to your parents about the way you feel about drugs, school, teen pregnancy.

They are feeling the same way you are. they feel that they don't even know you. That is really hard for parents to.

Get a after school job, that will give you your own money. and show them that you are responsible enough to keep up your school work and hold a job. They will respect that and you wont have to ask them for money.

It will get you out of the house and keep you out of trouble, and safe in your parents eyes.

You have your whole life ahead of you what do you mean you have nothing to look forward to.

Prom Graduation college if that is a decission you make,
moving out getting your own place, falling in love and your first child. If you decide to have one.

Make a plan for your life what do you want to do in the future? where do want to go? What do you want to see?
Tell your parents theese things. Tell them how you plan on getting there.

You sound like a pretty good kid that has a lot to look forward to. Don't you think that your parents want to know that to?

By the way my boy is almost 22 years old. He felt the same way you do.

He moved out when he was 18 years old, he has a job he loves. he works in construction full time and part time as a trail guide. riding horses.

He comes over daily and we are as close as we can be. When he was sixteen it was a whole nother story.

I made mistakes and so did he. The best advice I can give you is to talk talk talk.

Your parents love you and want to know what the real you is all about. I am willing to bet they will be amazed at what an awsome kid they have.

Answer 4

I really wish you the best. The teen years are difficult at best and awful at times. I don't want to lecture you or sound trite, so please don't take it that way. The majority of parents really love their children, they would lay down their lives for their kids. They also generally parent their children similar to the way their own parents raised them. Have you ever thought about asking them what their childhoods were like? You might find out a lot you never even thought about, and it might help you understand why they act the way they do. Parents are pretty much like every one else. They have faults and difficulties they must deal with. Think about the responsibilities they have -- earning a living, bills, college fund, retirement needs, to say nothing of what they would LIKE to have or do. It's a lot of pressure for them too.

You say you don't lie to hurt someone, but to gain individually. Doesn't that sound awful to you? It says to me that you will lie to get what you want. How about WORKING for what you want? I have worked since I was 15 and am now 58. My parents never gave me anything -- no movie money, no car, no TV, no phone etc. If I wanted anything like that, I had to earn the money myself. The lying hurts your parents and makes them distrust you. You would feel the same way if someone you loved unconditionally lied to you. Try to put yourself in their places. You might start thinking differently.

You sound so depressed and maybe part of it is because you have too much time on your hands. If you got out and got a job, it would occupy your time, give you spending money, build character, and make you feel like you are accomplishing something.

Hang in there -- God, and your parents, have not given up on you so why should you? (Sounds like you are enjoying your "pity party".)

Answer 5

I have a similar situation my father and me don't get along most of the time.my mother has been in prison since i was 3 months old. I have been to over eighteen funerals. a huge portion of my family is rich but me and my dad are invisible to them because we have very little money. every friend i have ever had has turned their back on me. as you can see my life is absolute hell BUT i keep trying to make my life better i try to find ways to connect with my dad, and other members of my so called "family" and i have felt like giving up but i don't because i know if i do i will never have the happy life i have always wanted.so no matter what your mom and dad are like be thankful you have them because one day they won't be there and if you need anyone to talk to i would be happy to chat my email is [e-mail]

Answer 6

I recognize everybody thinks you need to love your father and mother however its now not continually feasible, I recognize considering the fact that I did not love my mom who was once a widow and she or he was once very sour and twisted. I had the reverse upbringing to you we have been very deficient and had not anything accordingly no treats in any respect, you need to consider approximately the well instances you had ago, don't forget you wont continually are living with them, you do not inform your age so I cant say whilst it is going to be that you are going to go away dwelling and get a brand new lifestyles. I am assuming you have been abused by means of your father and that's mainly what has prompted the rift among uor father and mother, try to positioned it in the back of you and make the first-rate of what you've till its time to transport on.

Answer 7

Being a teenager is one of the worst times or the best times in life. It toke me many years to realize I could only change me and not my parents. I love them, but there is still not much communication. It is sad, but I can live in it, or let it go. If you haven't reach out to them, I suggest you try, but one on one. Ask Dad to take you to the store and then try to talk to him. Start with with something that will not lead to an argument like tattooing Madonna on your back. LOL See how he reacts, and then take one step at a time, the same with your Mom. Ask her if you can help her cook a meal, and follow her instructions but aask questions such as why can't you use lemon instead of lime in this dish. In other words talk to them about somthing they are interested in. It should open a door for talks. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Well, the best thing you should do is talk it over with your parents try to show them some confidence. I recommend you to discuss this with them and it will make you feel better. Don't just stay quiet and don't say anything open your heart and tell them how you feel about the way you live and what things will make your life much happier.

Answer 9

i feel the same i still don't know wat 2 do.