what else can you do besides spanking your child?

Question

okay i asked aquestion about my 3 almost 4 year old son earlier here is a second part.

I spanked my 7 year old when he was 6 and he went to school and told his teacher that I had spanked him and I had social services investigating and all that had to go through counseling and write him a letter since then I try not to spank my children. So here is my question if I can't spank my children and time-out and taking toys, etc don't work what else can I do?

okay social services are no longer they closed the case saying not enough evidence but I was cleared I just don't want to go through that again. never nowing if social services were going to pop up in my home again.

Answer 1

You can spank him, just don't leave bruises. That way, the social service people have no proof.

Sucks in the world today. You got anti spankers butting in your business, and social services running your life for you. Bet you they don't even have kids themselves.

What can you do besides spanking? Grounding and time out. That's basically it. They claim there are "THOUSANDS" of other ways to discipline a child. Yet, i'm still waiting to hear at least a thousand of them.

You're the parent. No one should tell you how to raise your kid, as long as you aren't abusing and leaving bruises.

Answer 2

Are you being consistent in your limit setting? Do you give empty threats and not follow through each and every time? I am a parent educator/family development specialist and unfortunately there are too many families in your situation. Here's my suggestions...
If you are consistent your child will gradually learn his actions have concourses. I wish I knew why he was spanked, because that would illustrate my point better. If a child hits his sibling and you say "Don't hit" as you hit them, what message is this portraying. I don't know if this is your situation...nevertheless, when your child exerts a certain behavior give him an "if...then" statement. Example: If you keep throwing blocks, then you will get a time out. (Rule for time out: 1 minute for every year the child is. Example: 7 years old- 7 minute time out.)
You can also use "when...then" statements. Example: when you clean your room, then you can have some ice cream.
Try to keep in the positive tense when talking to your child. Instead of telling them what you DON'T want them to do, tell them what you DO want them to do. Examples: don't run vs. walk or don't fight over the toy vs. take turns with the car.
You can do this! Don't let him get away with things sometimes, because his behavior will not stop. Think of it this way- if you sometimes get what you want when you act out, you will continue to act out because you just might get away with it. But if you NEVER get away will unacceptable behavior you'll give up and not do those behaviors, either because you don't get what you want (rewarded) or you will be punished.
You can do this! Don't let your child get out of control or rather in control of you! Be strong, patient, and consistent!

Answer 3

I dont know who told u that u couldnt spank your children, but u absolutely can. The spanking has to be non bruising or considered abusive.
A friend of mine went through the same thing. Social services investigated for months and found no abusive behavior. The child used the circumstances to attempt to get out of doing anythng she didnt want to, knowing the parents were afraid to spank her, which was the only thing that was effective with her.
They informed social services of her attitude when told to do chores, homework etc. Social services then realized what she was doing and made it quite clear that her parents could spank her if she didnt do what she was told and misbehaved.
However, social services did suggest that the mother spank the daughter, as the father was stronger and did leave a nearly bruised spot on her behind. So, from then on, when a spanking was necessary, the mom did it.
U need to talk to your social worker and see exactly what the deal is. Nobody can tell u not to spank your kid, if thats what works. They can however, make suggestions to prevent a raging spanking when u r too upset or mad.
Good luck to u.

Answer 4

Well, the term 'spanking' is relative. To ME...if you swat them with your hand a couple of times, that is a spanking. If you get out the strap...that is a beating. Totally different.

I swatted my son 3 times on the behind with my hand...in his whole life. He's 25 now. The key to getting control is consistency. There are a million other things you can do besides spanking. My son HATED to weed the back porch. I made him pull out all the weeds between the bricks, and you would have thought I was killing him. Wash all the windows in the house. Scrub down the bathroom...tub, toilet etc...

For your almost 4 year old...he can be given chores. He may not do them the same way YOU would...but to him, it's still work that he doesn't want to do. Make up a reward chart for good behaviour. That always helps. When they do something good...give them a reward and mark it on the chart. When they mess up...remove the reward and place their name in the 'dog house'.

In Scandinavian countries, it is ILLEGAL to spank your kids. Even so, they have a lower crime rate. Spanking is just what we're used to. It isn't the only form of discipline, and it annoys me when people encourage others to use the most violent means of discipline first. We CAN be smarter than that.

Answer 5

That's a pretty general question. In my opinion you have to take it " case by case". Try to find age appropriate ways to make your child understand why he shouldn't do the things you have asked him to. Spanking and taking toys/privelages won't work every time and after a while they will lose their potency. Get creative. Recruit the help of your pediatrician. Maybe he can recommend a book or certain tactics for helping you.

Good luck!
M.

Answer 6

Try talking to him and put him in the corner for a little time out and it is ok to spank your child if you do not leave a mark or bruise for 24 hours you may also try to tell him that you are going to take away his favorite toy for a while and see if this improves the situation or tell him that he can't stay all night anywhere this weekend just little things like that to show him this will happen if you don't stop and then follow through on it good luck...

Answer 7

There are several things you can do that will help - even if current time outs and taking away toys doesn't help. This is why - if your child is living in a day to day of things remaining the same they often will get an "I don't care" attitude about having toys taken away. But if each day they are being rewarded for behavior and then they lose, they will care more:

(1) set up a rewards system for your child; on a daily basis when they do well give them a reward - whether its a sticker or a quarter. Break the day down into parts such as school, homework, getting ready for bed etc. and reward each part seperately giving them an opportunity to earn a dollar or 4 stickers. When they do bad dont' give them a quarter or the sticker. If they lose all the stickers / quarters (they earn none) for the day then take away something big --see next. If they only earn a few leave it alone! Kids won't be perfect. Tell them good job for the 2 they did earn and tell them that you hope they do better tomorrow.

(2) set up play dates for when they do well. if they are bad take the play date away.

(3) take away privileges such as tv, movies, desert, or whatever you privilege they have, depending on how bad it is.

(4) continue to spank your child only under limited conditions - after you have warned them they will be spanked if they do XYZ. And then do not hut them while you are angry; calmly say, "I told you that you would be spanked if you did XYZ and now you are going to be spanked. pull your pants down and turn around" and then spank them, firmly, 3 times. Then it's over and you need to move on.

The key is to not react with anger. This will only encourage them to continue acting this way and will also teach them it's ok to hit when they are angry. By rewarding them you will encourage good behavior which, in many children, is the only way to discourage bad behavior.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Teach them. Find out how they learn, what makes them understand the *reasons* behind your rules & expectations, then teach them those reasons. Once they understand the rules & why they are the best way to be, then all you need to do is to politely remind them, when they forget.

Parenting with Love & Logic is a great book to understand teaching your kids through the use of natural consequences.

Answer 9

I recommend you do what you think is right as a parent. If you believe in spanking, then use it!! Don't ever allow anyone to dictate how you raise your children. As long as your not leaving permanent marks, your NOT abusing your children. Spanking is legal in all 50 states, and in Canada, so don't fall victim to the "lefts" scare tactics regarding spanking. They will clam the method is illegal among other things, in a weak attempt to get you to use their "enlightened" new methods.
STAY STRONG, for your kids sake

Good Luck

Answer 10

first of all, do you want them to grow up to be just like you when they have kids? i know, becasue as a child i was spanked, and that made me really insecure about myself, and nowadays with three girls i try not too be like my parents but it's hard you have learn thats the only way to make them listen or scared. but so far i believe spanking is not working, because they'd do it again, and in this society, spanking could be against the law considering what you spank them with.