My Daughter is Horrible Sometimes?

Question

She's three; a spoiled bully and a brat. I know that's no way to describe a child but no one has seen this child! I love her, she's my elfin princess, so cute, but she has an attitude to rival the most demanding diva. I have no idea of how to discipline her. Her grandmothers get her everything she wants, I drop her off at daycare she wants none of it, they want to keep her... She throws tantrums and fights other children. She enjoys making other children cry, and she hits me. I have tried time outs, I have taken away toys, tv... nothing works.

No, she enjoys to make other children cry, she has told me herself that she likes to see other children cry.

Answer 1

I'm not sure where you're located, but many major cities have some kind of family & children services centers available. You might want to contact them to inquire about sliding scale family counseling. I understand your frustration because three-year-olds can be quite demanding. Seeking counseling doesn't mean anyone's to blame, just that you could use a lil' extra support in the mom department. (Please, whatever you do, don't follow the first answerer's advice - hitting a child is never a good solution.)

Answer 2

The fact that her grandmothers get her things isn't an issue because children can have things given to them without being bullies who like to make other children cry. I've known children who have very little who are very "spoiled" because their mothers don't tell them right from wrong from the time they're really, really, little.

If a little, tiny, girl of only three years old really likes to make other children cry and fight other children it is reason to be concerned because usually children that age really love other children. If "enjoys" is just a word you've used, and your daughter doesn't really "enjoy" making other kids cry and fight them then that's different again.

There's a chance she just hasn't learned how to play well with other children, so maybe she just takes stuff from other kids or pushes them out of the way if she wants to be somewhere. Naturally, that will start a fight among pre-schoolers.

There's also the chance she's in a daycare where a lot of the other kids are aggressive, and maybe her behavior is in response to their taking things from her or pushing her out of the way, etc. Maybe she's honestly upset about being with them.

Another possiblilty is that she's still in the "Terrible Two's" even if she's three. Children go through phases at different rates.

When you're just with your daughter (and not in the middle of a "crisis" after a fight with another kid) talk about how to be a good friend. Ask her if the other children are good friends daycare. Talk about how you don't hit other children or take things away from them.

Try not to surprise her with what's going on. Tell her ahead of time what you'll be doing that day. If you're bringing her to daycare talk about it.

If she hits you, take her hand in yours and hold it very firmly and still. Look right into her face and calmly say, "Do not ever, ever, hit me. I don't hit you, and we do not have hitting at all - EVER." Let her know you mean business.

I don't think its so much what a parent does (time-outs, etc) after a child has done something as it is a parent's knowing how to established a friendly, solid, kind, but authoritative presence so that children know their mother is a leader of the "mother/child team".

If you have real trouble with her maybe you could talk with someone (a professional) who could give you some tips on getting things on track with her. Whether you do that or not, watch SuperNanny on television (if she's on where you are) or go to the library and get her books. She's very good at helping parents who have "horrible" children.

Answer 3

Hello. I work with and advocate for children who have emotional disturbances and their families.

There is no simple answer to your question. You and your daughter would benefit from going to a local family therapist who can look at the situation, give you good suggestions and offer support as you work to change things.

Be sure to shop around. Don't think the first person you find you have to stick with if you feel like you don't "click" with them. If money is a big issue you can go through your local Catholic Family Services (you don't have to be Catholic) or look in the local yellow pages for places that offer sliding scale fees. You can also use your community department of mental health, but those can be overcrowded with long waiting lists, and I hear you wanting help now.

You need to do this as early as possible. If this goes beyond preschool, you daughter will be set up for failure in elementary school. And if it is determined that, after environmental factors are addressed, that your daughter also has a brain-based behavioral issue to boot - you'll need to seek services as soon as possible to ensure that she will learn appropriate social skills.

You are in for a long haul - be warned. She didn't get this way overnight, and you will need to be strong. Hopefully this is strictly an environmental thing. But if you find that she additionally has some sort of behavioral disorder - just know that this isn't the end of the world and there are a lot of good interventions for that as well.

Answer 4

Hi. I have a three year old boy.
I suggest you introduce your daughter to the real world. I think she is old enough. The real world is the one you and I live in; the grown-up world, where we would lose our jobs if we behaved like that, where we would have no friends and no social circle if we were bullies, where our own families would not want to speak with us if we threw tantrums. The thing is, in the real world, behaviour like that achieves nothing. Bring this home to your lovely little girl in simple ways. Tantrums = no tv., no dessert, and your favourite clothes are put away until tomorrow. You have to make sure she understands clearly that the consequences of inappropriate behaviour are the removal of her privileges. Things like beds, food, and plain clothing are rights. Things like toys, movies, sweets, cute dresses, and treats are privileges. Privileges are obtained by reasonably good behaviour. Stick with this very simple principle and make sure you and your daughter are listening to each other and things must improve, surely. Good luck.

Answer 5

At that age its hard to dicipline, the one thing you should deffinatly do, is make the grandmothers stop the spoiling, thats what got you where you are. She learned that she could get what she wants and throw tantrums and get away with it, so its going to take awhile to undo whats been done. Try a different approach. Teach her manerisms, they look to you for the right way so if she sees you doing something, she's bound to catch on. If she sees you getting upset and lashing out, she's going to copy what she sees, and since she saw mommy doing it, she'll think its right. So watch what you do infront of her cuz she'll pick up on it.

Answer 6

Sounds to me like she has seen alot of this kind of behavior either at home or from relatives where she is visiting. A 3 year old isn't born acting this way. You may want to talk to her doctor about it and rule out any medical reasons before you do anything else. Hitting is also a learned behavior. She has learned it somewhere.

Answer 7

Wow uhm.. first of all that is all fairly generic **** for a teenager to do.. so what in the adventure that your room is messy, in case you depart the lighting fixtures furnishings on.. that is **** you gotta artwork on as you become older and additionally confirm to look after yeah? i'm form of shocked your mom is performing so infantile in telling HER baby.. who isn't grown yet or come into herself yet, is asserting issues like this.. it would not sound precise.. has she constantly been verbally harsh? I do in simple terms no longer see how telling your baby something like that, in any way shape or type, helps them grow to be a miles better individual.. that's what moms and dads are meant to do. impact their baby for the greater advantageous, to no longer demean them or placed them down.. whether that is intentional or no longer. it is not precise. If she's executed this long in any respect.. or if it maintains and it truly hurts your emotions.. you need to the two seek for counseling. it may deliver you nearer at the same time and supply you of challenge to get a number of those little underlying themes off your chests and grant help to experience somewhat greater comfortable around one yet another. in simple terms supply it a attempt.. it would not advise you're the two nuts, each so often moms and dads and young infants in simple terms have a stressful time getting alongside and it by no ability hurts to have a impartial party to take heed to the two facets devoid of taking facets. supply it a attempt! i wish your themes are resolved quickly.. it would not sound like a exciting subject in any respect. :(

Answer 8

you need to teach her that your the boss and tell her grandmother that she needs to stop spoiling the child maybe you should consider punishment like not letting her play w/ her Friends or TV or toys or any leisure or luxury until her attitude straitens up

Answer 9

spank her!dont beat her but a spanking now and show her who the boss is you! the bible says spare the rod and spoil the child.get her under control now are you and she will always be unhappy.and nobody likes a bratty kid and she is wrong to be mean to you or anyone else.good luck.and then tell her why you spanked her so she will understand and will learn and change her behavior.

Answer 10

spank her. be consistent enough with all of your other punishments so you wont have to spank her again, use it only as a threat. and if she messes up, give her a good pow pow on the butt. sooner or later this behavior is not going to be allowed. what are you gonna do when she goes to school? they will not allow her to go back if she hits kids and stuff like that. and don't let her grandparents spoil her. she has to earn stuff, make her learn that.