Trouble with 3 almost 4 year old?

Question

I have a 3 almost 4 year old son. When it is time for dinner he says he is not hungry and sits at the table crying and yelling. around 7:00 is bedtime for him and his younger brother who is 2 (just turned 2) i put him to bed and he yells and screams that he is hungry (he has done this for almost a month now) I have then made him a sandwich which he does eat then he runs around and won't let his little brother go to sleep and if I tell him after he has eaten his sandwich that he needs to go to bed he then screams and yells that he isn't tired and he doesn't want to go bed. I have a seven year old who has to go to school the next day and it keeps him up so I end up letting him fall asleep in front of the tv. I don't know what to do how do I make him eat his dinner when it is dinner time and how do I get him to go bed when it is bed time with out him screaming and crying?
Also when I put him in his room I just let him scream and he had trashed the room and broke the fun in 3 pieces.

I meant fan not fun sorry.

the reason he goes to bed at 7 is he gets up about 8am and does not take a nap during the day do u think maybe i should change his bedtime?

Answer 1

Girl, he sure has you trained!!!

Rule number 1 - if he refuses to eat, don't feed him later. Tell him if he doesn't eat, then he will have to wait until tomorrow morning. He will not starve, Mom! He will learn to eat when it's time. Cut any snacking out during the afternoons, so he'll be hungry at dinner. Don't let him drink a lot before dinner either.

Rule number 2 - When he screams and screams and screams, and he will, do NOT give in. Tell him the rule is (see Rule 1). Rule 3 - Bedtime is bedtime. If he screams, you have to let him scream. Tell him he is not getting out of bed for any reason. If he gets out of bed, he loses his favorite bear, when he has a heart attack about losing the bear, he loses his favorite blankie, and keep on going. (I filled 2 garbage sacks one night!) Put them high up some where, and he has to earn them back with good behavior. (The next day, not that night). If he trashes is room, then he trashes it. But, reinforce the rules. Do NOT give in! Just keep putting him back into bed. Tell him you love him, and you know he doesn't want to go to bed, but these are the rules.

As long as you stand by it, within a short period of time, you will have him trained. Your 7 year old may have to sleep elsewhere for a little while, but within a week or two it should be okay. No matter what he pulls, no matter how angry and violent he becomes, just keep reinforcing the rules. He may keep trying you for hours because he knows you will give in eventually. And when you don't give in, and it finally sinks in that you won't give in, then he will stop.

I would suggest changing his bedtime to 730 or 800. My daughter doesn't nap either, but 700 is pushing it when she's only home for an hour or two. She goes to bed between 8 and 830, and wakes up just before 7.

Answer 2

My son is 4 now and he has always been a problem eater. If he doesn't eat at the table with us he has to go to bed. If he screams in his room he gets a smack on the butt. We leave his plate on the table for when he has calmed down and is ready to eat and that is what he has to eat, nothing else. He has to sit at the table and eat it too, not be in the other room with his siblings.

He has a 2 year old sister and she goes to bed about an hour before he does. We will usually let him sit and watch something with us on TV for that hour and the entire time we are counting down to his bedtime. Every 10-15 minutes. We have him repeat to us "no crying, no whining, no screaming" every time we remind him he has 20 minutes left, 10 minutes left and so on. Once it hits bedtime and he starts to whine we remind him that he said he wouldn't do that and it almost always stops it.

It sounds like he has got you wrapped around his finger and he knows how to get exactly what he wants. You really need to put your foot down with him and remind him who the boss is and it may mean the other kids have to go to bed later for a little while. My son used to go to bed at 7 but we moved it to 8 to make it a little easier and he takes a nap around 11 every day for 2 hours. Kids CAN get super hyper when they are really sleepy and if he is overtired it could be the root of some of your problems.

Also, make sure you don't let him snack on anything at least 3 hours before dinner. That one cut down on our dinner time hassles A LOT!

Answer 3

I've "been there done that" with this problem and know exactly how you feel. Your little guy is being the "lets-see-how-far-i-can-push-
mommy" monster and playing a game with you over attention.
Sit him down for dinner. Tell everyone at the table (don't single him out), "this is dinner time. If you don't eat now, then you don't get anything until breakfast." Put food onto his plate in front of him even if he says he doesn't want anything. When dinner is over, ask him again if he wants to eat and remind him that the next meal will be breakfast. If he says he's not hungry, even though he mostly likely is, it's your call. Some people have their kid sit there until they eat something. Others, like in my house, say that's it, times up. Anounce to all your kids once dinner is over, " The kitchen is now CLOSED."
At bedtime, if he tells you he's hungry, remind him of what you told EVERYONE at dinner: The kitchen is closed and if you didn't want to eat at dinner time, you would have to wait until breakfast. He'll be ok if he doesn't eat. Put him into bed, say good night and leave the room. If he gets up, put him back into his room and say that it's bed time. Be forceful and try to stay calm. He's going to get extremely mad that he's not getting his way and that he's no longer in control. You yelling will only make it worse. It's hard, i know, but trust me, the calmer you stay the better. Close the door but not all the way. Everytime he gets up, put him back into his bed. Don't break the pattern and don't give in. Take anything he can throw or use to break anything else out of his room before dinner that night. He most likely will try to trash the room again, knowing that it'll get him attention. If there's nothing in the room for him to destroy, he'll give up much quicker. Leave him alone in the room. Let him scream. Don't go back up there to say "Stop now or I'm going to take ____away." Coming back into his room is giving him attention. Young kids LOVE attention, bot good and bad. He'll stop when he realizes that you're not coming back to his room.
I would also suggest putting your 7 year old son downstairs to sleep until your 4 year old does. It may take a while to get him to sleep and you may have to go beyond what you're expecting to do to make this work, but he will learn that you're the mother and what you say goes. He will break, i promise =]
I don't know how much time there is between dinner and bed, but i would suggest pushing them both back a little. Try putting him down for a nap if possible or make his bedtime around 730, 8ish.
My middle son, Steven, who is almost 7, is the tester of the Mommy Rules in my family. This same exact situation happened in my house when he was about 4 1/2 years old. He would refuse to eat dinner when it was dinner time, no matter what time we sat down. I knew he was hungry, but he simply didn't want to eat when everyone else was. After a week of this nonsense, i got tired of making him something later. Bedtime came and he wanted something to eat. I told him that dinner was over, He went to sleep without anything to eat, through a fit and refused to go to sleep. It was a long night. My husband and i moved toys and furniture out of his room because he was being such a monster. After that night, he never ONCE didn't eat dinner when it was served. All my kids know, once dinner and dessert is cleaned up, the kitchen is closed.
Best wishes to you and good luck! =]

Answer 4

Get a good mantra. Something like "We will all survive this eventually". Keep saying that over and over outloud until shortly before his 5th birthday. Don't give him a sandwich! Give him his congealed plate of cold dinner at bedtime and then just go to bed and leave him screaming with his cold dinner and broken furniture. Do Not respond. So far he is winning every night.

Answer 5

7 PM seems an awfully early bedtime for a 4 yr old. He has learned that if I dont eat at the table I get what I want later and is using it to his advantage. I would tell him he can either a) eat the meal you prepared or b)go to bed hungry. It wont kill him to miss a meal trust me. As for goign to bed set up a bedtime routine you follow nightly. Something simple such as bath, brush teeth, get on pj's red a book and lights out. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Don't feed him at night. He will yell for a day or two and then learn he better eat at dinner.

Answer 7

this kid is very bad spoiled i bet when you correct him you say your not going to watch tv buy you allow him to do it anyway.if he does not eat dinner then he eats nothing he will learn quick.as far as trashing the room let him. give him no attention at all when he is bad sounds cruel but it will work .and always if you say hes not doing or getting something cause he is being bad then stick to it every single time . kids will see what they can get away with every time

Answer 8

sounds like he has you in a routine instead of you having him in a routine.........think about it!