What are some good blonde jokes?

Question

no offense to you blondes.

Answer 1

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Townsville were sitting on a bench talking...... And one blonde says to the other, "Which do You think is farther away..........Melbourne or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can You see Melbourne...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She Says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"



SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then Today you expect me to show i t to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and Shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an Am erican, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said The Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Answer 2

One day, I passed a blonde co-worker on the way to work.
I noticed she had a headlight out.
When I told her that one of her headlights was out, she asked, "Front or back?"
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke.
The three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.
About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up onto the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms."

Answer 3

A blonde driving to work in the morning had some car troubles, so sputtering and stalling, she drove it to a nearby service station for help. The mechanic popped the hood, peered at the engine, then suggested she come back in an hour to check on the progress.
She returned later to find her car parked out front. She found the mechanic busy at work, legs sticking out from under another vehicle. Uncertain about what to do, she asks, "What about my car?" The greasemonkey says, "Just **** in the carburator, Ma'am."
The blonde still seemed confused. "Only once in the morning, or every time I start it?"

Answer 4

Okay so there's two blondes and they go shopping. When they get back to the car the 1st blonde realizes she has locked the keys in the car. They both set their bags down on the ground and the 1st blonde gets out a hairpin and tries to get the car unlocked. About a ten minutes later the 2nd blonde says "Come on! Hurry up I want to go home." The first blonde says "Shut up I'm trying to hurry." Another ten minutes goes by and the 2nd blonde says "HURRY UP!!" the 1st blonde get's angry and yells at her. The 2nd blonde replies "Well it's starting to rain and the top is down!!"

Ahaha... Blondes and convertables...

Answer 5

Q. Why do blondes wear panties?

A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. How do you drown a blonde?

A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Answer 6

What does a blonde say after fornication?

Are all you guys on the same team?

Answer 7

How do you know a blond has been using your computer?
There is Tip-Ex on the screen

Answer 8

Q:Why did the blonde snort Nutra Sweet?
A:Because she thought it was Diet Coke.

Answer 9

kinda old but still cracks me up.

a blond goes to the barber shop with head phones on. the hairdresser says can you take off the headphones? she says no. he says okay then in the middle of the cut he notices that he has to take off the headphones. so he asks. shes bobbin' her head to whetever she's listening to and he thinks that she says yes so he takes them off. she turns blue then purple then falls to the ground unconcious. the hairdresser calls the police and they come a police officer listens to the headphones they say breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, breathe out.

Answer 10

three women were convicted of murder and sentenced to the death penalty,
the first of them, a brunette, was hauled out to be shot. just as they were aiming towards her, she pointed up and shouted "TORNADO!"
all the executioners ran into the building and she escaped.
the next was a redhead. they hauled her out, same as the brunette, and were preparing to shoot her when she pointed upward and shouted, "HURRICANE!"
all the executioners ran into the building and she ran away.
the final convict was a blonde. they hauled her out and prepared to shoot her as well. just as they were aiming the gun, the blonde pointed up and shouted, "FIRE!"