I need help. I am avoiding my life?

Question

Ok. I think I have serious issues. I had an eating disorder (bulimia) for 5 years, a pretty severe case of it, and I am just now over that...the behavior parts anyway. I still think the same way. ANyway, I'm back i college. But I feel so lost. I live alone, haven't met people yet, have a bf who holds me back (because I let him). It's like I purposely like holding myself back because the pressure of who I could be and actually enjoying my life is too much for me. I used to be an ultra perfectionist and didn't make that many friends or figure out who I was before my ED. I have 2 parents who are a bit different..neither was a very strong example of going out and getting your dreams accomplished. But today for example..I'm just getting over a cold...I slept from 2am-5:30pm...and totally missed my classes. It's not like I just decided not to go...I overslept by 8 hours!!! Didn't hear my alarms or anything! Am I just avoiding my life? I am going to call a therapist...but any suggestions?

I really want to be a competent person. I used to want to be a doctor, but I never in my mind let myself have goals. It's like I'm more concerned with what's wrong with me..it's so consuming that I can't think of anything else. So now I'm going for nursing. But that bf...it's like I KNOW I could do so much better but I stay with him because I secretly don't want to be better and the thought of it scares the **** out of me! I don't like social situations that much. It's not that I'm shy...it's that I just assume people don't like me and so I stay to myself. I mean I wasted a whole day..and part of me wants to do that everyday...just avoid my life..becuase I don't know what I'm doing. Please help me. I want to cry. I spend like hours and hours a day mentally criticizng myself. What gives? I can't hold a job...barely school (and I'm very very smart!!!!) Why do I get something out of keeping myself back???

And I pretend that I'm just peachy now with my parents because I put them through Helll with my eating disorder. ANd for simple things like going to work out (which I used to be an overexerciser) now I can't even make myself go do that..not because I don't want to...but I can't stand not being able to go hard...do the maximum..I could never just jog..I have to go all out...that's just an example of how avoidant I am. Maybe I just feel like I totally let myself down with my ED and now I'm a wasted case...since I could have been so much more had I had all my shi t together from the beginning. AHHHHHHHH!

Answer 1

i think you should try to talk to a psychologist or therepist. you may simply have a brain chemical disfunction which may cause you to think this way. and everyone is self-consious about tthemselves and hwo they feel in different situations. i think you should also tlak t your boyfriend about this... event he parts about how you htink he is holding you back (or you making it that way). if he understands and listens to you, then keep him. if he cant accept you for who you are htne i think you should let him go. you now what kind of life you want, but your just too afraid ot take the steps to amke it that way. try waking up in the morning (or whenever) and say to yourself "okay this is gona be a good day!" yea i know it sounds cheesy but if yiu keep tellning yourself htat throught the day, then who knwos what will happen. talk to a therepist... honestly, they really really help

Answer 2

ED's seldom travel alone, usually it pretty much has the symptoms you describe along for the ride (depression). I'm also recovering from an ED and still struggle with goals and social situations. It's great that you are able to contol the physical actions of bulimia and you need to give yourself a lot of credit for that. The head stuff takes time and you have to realize that what is done is done. You cannot go back to change a damn thing. What you have though is today and it's what you do now that counts. You can have your dreams and more but you may need to work a little harder to take care of yourself. It's too easy to get into the blahs and get stuck. It's great that you are going to call a Therapist... thats something else you need to give yourself a lot of credit for. See... you've done/doing some good things to get beyond this, be patient and don't beat yourself up so much. hang in there.... joe

Answer 3

You really need to see a therapist. they will help you. And don't hold the bar so high. If it is easier to get up on some days and not others. Try getting a job that will only have you work the days you want. As for school if it is too hard get training for something easy and get started there get your feet wet and try setting small goals that you can reach and when you reach them give yourself a pat on the back. Try to stay positive.

Answer 4

get a threapist