I love my boyfriend so much, but I'm impossible to be with. I can't help myself, I find it so difficult to trust him and I'm constantly questioning him about ridiculous things, its driving him up the wall. He only has to mention a girl's name and I start; 'So do you think she's attractive?', 'is she as pretty as me?' I can see how annoying it is- it not only winds my boyfriend up but me aswell, but no matter how much I try to stop being so jealous and insecure something always brings it back up. My boyfriend has never given me any reason not to trust him and he doesn't have a sketchy past, and I've been like this in my previous relationship, which ended on my terms, but it has gotten a lot worse with my current boyfriend.If ever my boyfriend has said no to sex in the past I've also got incredibly upset so i think this all ties together.This is pulling us apart my boyfriend feels I dont trust him at all and this causes all of our arguments. How can I stop?
2007-03-28 11:33:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You seem to understand the undercurrents that are going on, thats usually the hardest step, once u can analyse things and see where changes need to be made, your half way home...you know what to do, JUST DO IT!
2007-03-28 11:39:10 · answer #1 · answered by cindy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way to just stop.....You will have to do a great deal of looking inward and try to find the exact root of the situation, the exact root of the problem. And then you must find out why that root makes you act the way you do. Then, and only then, can you begin to calm it down. You must then proceed to continually remind yourself to just chill, calm down, and that all is well.....If he wanted to be with that other girl, he would not be with you........(meaning stay with you)......but he is, so that should tell you something.
Also, talk to him and tell him that you really would like to change and that you feel like you need his help.......Tell him about this "thing" that causes you to be that way, explain that you would just like him to help you overcome it because you love him so much, and try and work it out as a couple as well as on your own. Also, ask him to tell you when you are acting insecure in his eyes so that you can stop yourself before you get too deep, or before an argument ensues. All of this should help.
2007-03-28 18:44:15 · answer #2 · answered by pilotmanitalia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. You sound just like my girlfriend! (that would be weird). Ok here it is: he will leave you if this carries on. You will feel even worse and never forgive yourself. I am currently thinking about going with my gf to a counsellor to show her that I support and love her more than anything in the world. I have to do this as its killing me to see all the love I have being whittled away. It will only make me more bitter in time...
The good news: You are a sound person as you are facing up to it. Well done! Amazing, really brave and now use all that 'negative energy', channel it into filling your world with happiness. Spoil yourself, pamper yourself. Take yourself into situations with your bf where you are not assessing other girls as threats. Its classic- so many people meet in bars, then continue to go out together to bars... think about how that feeds insecurity... Anyway, good luck!
2007-03-31 05:24:05 · answer #3 · answered by Dex 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has a boyfriend ever been insecure and acted in the same way towards you before? My ex was really insecure and acted like that and in the end it made me start doing the same. In the end it drove me mad and i broke up with him. I sympathize with you coz i know how horrible it feels to be insecure with a boyfriend. You have to look at yourself and discover what it is that your insecure about e.g do you think your ugly (im sure your not!) When you realise what it is that gives you low self confidence you can fix it by learning to love that part of yourself. Explain to your boyfriend that you dont want to be like this and get him to help you learn to love yourself. Hope this helps!
2007-03-28 18:53:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been cheated on in the past? Or have you not resolved your self confidence/ self image issues? You could do with talking to somone about this. And tell your boyfriend how you feel too. He sounds like a very patient guy, you're very lucky. Take a deep breath and tell yourself to calm down before getting into an arguement. Even if he did find other girls attractive - it's YOU who he wants to be with, and that point is worth remembering.
2007-03-28 18:45:44 · answer #5 · answered by beausbreeches 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this issue comes up often in your life it is likely you have a fear of abandonment. I would recommend speaking to a counselor or a psychologist about this issue, because even if you two do end up breaking up over it the issue will follow you into your next relationship. I think a lot of us deal with this issue on some level but your case seems a little extreme.
2007-03-28 18:40:57 · answer #6 · answered by ...that´s what she said. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel - it's tough when you feel like this.
Understanding yourself and where all this comes from is the key, so maybe it's time to see a counsellor of some description. Keeping a diary might also help - start to recognise the triggers for those feelings, then maybe you can head them off when they start.
But you are not alone, lots of people feel like this. Do be honest with your boyfriend though - give him the opportunity to help.
2007-03-28 18:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im the EXACT same way! i was in a previous relationship for 3 years and found out he cheated on me with his ex and was calling other girls and all that kinda stuff. when i finally got the courage to leave him i got with my boyfriend now! He works with girls and i check his wallet when he goes to sleep at night to see if he got ne of their numbers. I smell his Penis when he goes out drinking with his friends then comes home. when i go to his truck i check for girls hair that aint mine! i was even thinking about checking his millage! im a real jelous person. its not so much taht im insecure! adn u prlly aint either its just hard to trust ne one or let go of the past. Im getting alot better now that we have baby on the way. It'll take some time though. he tells me all the time how he loves me and would never cheat on me ot even think about cheating on me, but thats what my ex said, and i was in the same position! You will realize that when you stop its alot easier on you too!
2007-03-28 18:41:58 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember that evry insecure question you ask- 'do you think she's attractive? Do you like her?' etc. is one step closer to him ending the relationship. each time you are about to ask a question or say an insecure statment like that, remember that it will only lead to your bf being LESs attracted to you, less interested in you, and respect you less. how can he like a girl who doesn't even like herself? You need to work on your confidence girl. is there any reason you are so underconfidant? the more confidant you are, the more he will like you, ..just know that.
2007-03-28 18:44:23 · answer #9 · answered by katie colmes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is it just him you dont trust or you dont trust anybody? if its just him then you need to think about why and consider letting him go. if its everybody then you need to find someone to help you deal with your trust issues.
in the mean time, whenever i get jealous i just remember that my boyfriend is with me for a reason... because he wants to be. if he wanted to be with someone else then he would be.
2007-03-28 18:41:54 · answer #10 · answered by socal_rachel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋