My man and I have been together for a bit over four years. I never really questioned that we were together for so long without a "proposal" because I made it clear from the get go that I wanted to finish my MS and become established prior to marriage, which he was cool with.... Now I know why. He is still married to his "ex" which is for "financial reasons".... Cheaper to keep 'er. I am NOT okay with it in the least, and the pangs on conscious are striking hard. Even though I love him with all my heart, I can’t just look the other way on this one. And I think I deserve better than that. I know that if I were in her place, I would want to know, as much as it may hurt, but some people feel ignorance is bliss... So, ultimately survey says? Tell her? Or not tell her?
2007-03-28 11:32:58 · 40 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Break it down to him like this: Let her go, or I let you go. Good Luck
2007-03-28 11:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by J J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All these women are saying tell her because they would want to know. That is not true. If you were in her place how do you think it would make you feel to find out something like that. Think about that hard for a minute....I'll wait.....why would you want to do that to someone innocent.
The cheaper to keep'er is a load of crap. He has been Having his cake and eating it to for four years he is not going to leave her. So how long have you still been seeing him since you found out ? If it was a cheaper to keep her thing he would of told you about her 4 years ago, it would have made life allot easier for him. If you still want to be with him knowing he probably would do the same to you, tell him to come by with signed divorce papers from his wife and you can start over.
2007-03-28 11:43:24 · answer #2 · answered by D'Artagnan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do deserve better than that. If he lies to you for 4 years, what else is he capable of doing that is dishonest? You love him with all your heart? Your heart is focusing on being in love with love and what might have been if the relationship was healthy. Tell your heart the truth. That is the most important point here. Whether you tell the wife or not is based on how much trouble will it be for you. You deserve a clean break and a chance to heal. Staying involved is not in your best interest. Chances are she already knows.
2007-03-28 11:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it to yourself....if she has any brains she already knows or at least suspects. Your telling her will not make her feel any better and will probably cause a lot of anguish for all of you.
Your best bet......move on and let your fellow go. If he cheats on her, odds are that somewhere down the line he will do it to you.
In most cases when a mistress contacts the wife, it's the mistress that gets the short end of the stick.
2007-03-28 11:40:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jack 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that totally sucks to invest so much time in someone and find this kind of awful truth about them. I know you must feel hurt and betrayed, and yes, you absolutely deserve better than this. If I were you, I wouldn't tell her because I am not sure what good it would do her as she would feel awful and hateful and bitter. Leave her be and move on with your own life...without him. As hard as that may be, it will be for the best. Plus, if you move on on your own, she will at least respect you for moving on when you found out the truth about him.
She must have some kind of instinctual sense to know that he has been up to something; people can't hide this kind of deceit for long or forever. She will need to figure out on her own what to do with her life and if she can accept this kind of "man" in her life. Take good care of yourself.
2007-03-28 11:40:38 · answer #5 · answered by Jacinda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that she already knows. She may not know your name but she knows you exist. It may be a little lipstick on his shirt, your perfume, a receipt from a restaurant, or flowers from a florist. I would guess she knows and there is no need to tell her. Do they have children? If so, that may be why she had just kept quiet and ignored all the warning signs. (At least ignored them to her husband's knowledge). She may be in the process of talking with a lawyer or stashing money away every month. I don't think it would make you feel happier to tell her. In fact, I would guess you would be sad for her that he would treat her this way. Tell him good-bye forever. You don't need a cheat in your life. Dump him tonight. Tell him it is up to him to tell his wife and mean it.
2007-03-28 11:39:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh women...you do deserve so much better....I look at it this way...he is choosing money over you....thats not love...I,am staying with her for money reasons.....thats a good one....He is having his cake and eating it too.....would you like it if you were married to this guy and he was seeing some one else...? put yourself in her shoes.....I ,am sorry he is doing this to you hun...please be the bigger person and just tell him...Until he is clear of her you want nothing more to do with him...what happens if you got together married I mean with this guy you didnt have alot of money would he go affter a lady that does? If he can do this to her then he will do it to you....Just somthing to pray about hun...God Bless and hey let me know how you are doing from time to time...good luck babe...I think you know what needs to be done...It will be hard but you are worth it TAKE A STAND......YOUR WORTH IT
2007-03-28 11:42:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely tell her. You both have been played like the fiddle. He played you for over four years and lead you to believe that one day you will walk down that wedding day bliss with him. The question for him would be how dare you do that to me?
You have devoted your last four years to him. And he has done this to you. It is time for the whole truth to come out and I would go tell her. Why would he tell you? After all he was having his cake and eating it to with the icing. Well, time for that icing to melt. And let his wife know.
2007-03-28 11:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY are you still with him after finding out he is still married???
Don't lower youself to tell her, just walk away.....
Any man that makes an excuse that he can't afford to get a divorce, is not a mature man......he's just making excuses!!!!
If he loves you, he will take the leap and get out of his marriage.
I am in the situation now and it has been almost 2 years and I just told him that I am I am no longer going to stay and put up with it. If he cared enough about me, he would do whatever it takes to be with me.
I will NEVER get involved again with a loser like now..........
2007-03-28 11:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by Linda L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont really say if he is still living with this woman as his wife or if he is serparated from her. This is a big difference as if he is separated than he is entitled to see who he chooses. If he is still living with this woman then he is a very bad bad boy and I would first tell him that the relationship is over as you cannot trust this man. Then I would let his wife know what has been happening and she can then do as she sees fit.
2007-03-28 11:43:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her. She has a right to know. Whether she wants to know or not she really SHOULD know because the pain will eventually fade and I'm sure she - as well as you - deserves better. It may break your relationship with him but a guy who is too cheap to stay with one girl is not good enough for either of you.
2007-03-28 11:38:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋