so tierd husband does not help me ???

Question

i have 3 kids one is a newborn the others are 2 toddlers ..i cant get my husband to help me all he wants to do is sleep which i dont think its fair cuz i dont get any sleep what so ever .. my husband gets really mean with me if i ask him to watch them i dont know what to do ..im so tierd i feel like im going nuts and very depressed i cant take it anymore what should i do ???
i dont have any family around to watch them and i cant afford a baby sitter and i dont have any friends do to my husband

Answer 1

I understand totally i have a 5 week old baby and a 3 yr old and my husband is the same way. explain to your husband that children are lots of responsibility and for him not to forget how they get here! dont get to emotional about the situation even though sometimes you feel overwhelmed with the kids. try loading them up in the car which is lots of work and maybe getting away from the house might work for you.

Answer 2

the same thing has happened to me... and it's been going on for 5 years now... Find some girlfriends. Seriously. My husband was in the Navy and we got stationed 1800 miles from my hometown a month after I had my first daughter. I had no one and felt alone. FINALLY, I got out and met other people. We had a play group in our neighborhood that I would take my kids to. It let me meet other women like me, stay at home, broke mom's who needed to be with other adults. I don't have any advice other than that I could offer. But if you figure out a solution, let me know. Mine is still sitting on his ar$e/sleeping even when I haven't slept because of the kids or work or housework. (Now I don't stay home. I work 40 hours and have to do all the junk I was doing when I stayed home with my kids... double standard, I think SO!)

Answer 3

i completely understand. i only have one toddler and a neborn.but i still know how you feel. it is hard work especially when you are so tired you could cry and you dont want to hear the sound of your crying kids one more time or youll pull out your hair. i understand your resentment at dad, who demands his sleep, but doesnt understand you cant even pee by yourself and you dont know what day you had a shower. yet he looks bright eyed and clean. i dont have friends or fam around either and recently went on zoloft because i was losing it. you need need need time for yourself, demand some sleep, get out for some air alone. take the kids to one of those play gyms for a day. some churches run a mommys day out program where they watch your kids for a bit and you go out, take a shower, eat or sleep. whatever you need. im sorry you feel this way. know that i am sitting here going through the same. your not alone, and this to shall pass good luck

Answer 4

Wow - what a bum!

Granted, we don't have his side of the story.
I assume that while you are working your tail off at home, he's out earning money to feed, clothe and shelter the family.
What does he do for a living?
If it's manual labor, I can appreciate his being tired.

On the other hand, you guys should get a snip job so there are no more kids.

Look, if you have the opportunity, seek professional guidance from a marriage councilor.
You BOTH need a little family priority "to-do" list.

Besides, let him know that some women (like Andrea Yates) can get into a funk and kill their children.
Tell him he's damn lucky you aren't one of those women but it could happen if he doesn't pull some weight around the house.

Answer 5

I don't know you, and I'm not a therapist, so I'm saying what I'm saying with a caution....

From what I've seen (in couples in my own life), what you're describing could be a sign that your marriage is closer to trouble than you realize. A lot of wives have the problem you do, and I don't know how many can just happily go with things until the children are bigger and things get easier; but I do know that what you describe can, at least, SOMETIMES be a sign that you need help with your marriage.

In a case like yours it is very possible for the wife to think, "Its not that bad. I just want some help with the work", but over time (at least sometimes) it becomes clear that the situation you have now is actually a sign that there's something going on underneath the surface. By the time that becomes clear it can be too late to save the marriage.

Obviously, its not for me to make doomful predictions about your particular marriage, but I think you need to talk to your husband about getting some couples therapy now, rather than letting things fester and get worse. I think you should tell him you're really tired, and since he gets mean when you ask for help you think he's probably tired and stressed out too. I think you say, "Its not about the marriage. Its about more happiness and less stress for both of us together." What struck me was the "getting really mean" thing. That's a sign he's not happy. He could be depressed, stressed out, or just not happy.

Unfortunately, there's the chance he'll say, "I'm not going. You go if you're unhappy." (and then you'll be forced to decide if you want to see a counselor yourself and risk having a "mental health" record that could be used against you later or not).

Other things you may try:

Make sure you're eating a diet that is healthy and gives you as much energy as possible.

Sleep when the children sleep. If you have to, put the baby in a bassinet next to your living room couch and take the other two onto the couch with you - and everyone can sleep.

Recognize that you will have to function as a "single mother", and find ways to reduce your own work load. For example, if the little ones get into stuff and make messes find a way to put that stuff where they can't get it. Try to turn shopping trips into "field trips" and try to make them more "time with the children" rather than "trying to shop while towing three babies".

Find things to sit down and play with the little ones. When you've played enough tell them its time for all of you to go take care of the laundry (or the toy picking up), and let them help with that. In other words, don't have it so you're working in spite of them. Have it so you and they are all working together. It takes a little more time, but it will result more in "steering into the skid" rather than trying to fight it.

You are, by no means, alone in this situation. The trouble is if he won't go with you to a couples therapist you are facing it alone and helpless because of his getting mean when you ask for help. Unfortunately, he may drive you into feeling as if you're a single mother with three babies; and there could come a point where you will begin to imagine life as a single mother in reality and imagine how maybe you'd be happier without the person sleeping on couch and being mean.

If you can't get him to go to a marriage therapist with you you'll have to just accept that this is how he is and remember that the children will not be babies forever, and do your best. The fact that he gets mean and that you have no friends because of him isn't a good sign when it comes to whether he's someone who makes for a good marriage partner, but I'm sure you've come around to realize that as long as you're married to him this is how things are going to be.

I know you must feel very alone and helpless, and I wish I had better answers to offer you - but without his willingness to try to make things better there's not much you can do other than deal with it on your own. Best wishes.

Answer 6

Strategize, he obviously doesn't have the patience for kids...
so make him do some of the home chores...

Tell him that you realize he doesn't enjoy watching the kids...and that you would like for him to help you get some rest.

When my little boy was born, I was there with my wife, when she was tired, i'd watch my little man. Now, I even help her with the chores.

I want for her to feel important, and for her to know that I am there for her and my son.

Sounds like your hubby needs parenting classes. Buy some parenting books and leave them in his car.

You have to talk to him and establish expectations...and share the responsibilities.

Answer 7

tell him that he's an example to his children. He needs to be more involved if he wants to be close to his children. Although he does work, but with or without kids, everyone has to work. Raising children is a privilage.
Try to get him more involved with baths and meal time even if he gets grumpy about it. I always make my husband do it so he can be more involved. He complains, but after awhile, he got used to it.

Answer 8

Can anyone tell me where i can find a anime abt girl - girl fall in love?

Answer 9

I like my friends girlfriend?

Answer 10

Poll: Which girl looks prettier?