My best friend works as a conference services manager at a prestigious hotel/resort. From the get go she has said that she likely will not be able to attend the wedding or be the maid of honor because she has to work that weekend. I'm thinking that this is the last nail in the coffin of our relationship. We have been friends since grade 1. Am I overreacting?
2007-03-28 10:27:02 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
In my personal opinion, you seem to be over-reacting. How would you feel if you had to work on a certain day that was really important to her, and she just up and ended the friendship?
But it also depends on whether or not she really seems upset. If you two have been friends since grade 1, I would think she'd truely be upset to miss it.
I don't think this is something you should end your friendship over. She's probably just as upset as you are :). Try and talk it out calmly with her and be vulnerable. Tell her if you're hurt and try to be as loving and calm as possible :).
Hope it all works out
Congrats on getting married :D
2007-03-28 10:36:47 · answer #1 · answered by beahiscool 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she were simply an employee, this excuse might not hold as much water...being a manager however, she's the key to how things run for the conference services division and very possibly that particular weekend is something she's known for awhile now is an important booking that she must be there to ensure all goes correctly.
I'd look for another Maid of honor, express your disappointment that she won't be able to attend but add in there that you know that she wouldn't miss your wedding if it just couldn't be helped and that you will miss her presence there.
Keep the friendship...good close friends are really tough to find and you go back a long way...try to over look this because I think she just may have a very viable reason.
2007-03-28 10:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's been telling you from the start that she can't be there, accept it and find someone else. This said, if she's a true friend, she'll find a way to be there. It also depends on the cost to her and the distance - are you miles from each other? If she can't afford it, accept it. If she has to travel too great a distance, accept that, too. All in all, a good friendship needn't be shattered just because she's not there. Life does get in the way .. have you discussed it with her properly? Find out her other reasons. Also, does she want the responsibility of being a maid of honour at all? It seems like she was honest enough to tell you months ago she wouldn't make it, unless you think she'd got other motives for not being there .. if you have the energy, find out what these motives might be. If not, move on and enjoy the wedding. You're not, after all, marrying her are you? get hitched, get happy, get on with it.
2007-03-28 10:52:42 · answer #3 · answered by sid 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I think you are over reacting. She told you up-front she would have to work. Do you know how strict her boss is about taking off? It could be that she really can't miss work without causing serious harm to her work situation. It could also just be an excuse to miss the wedding. You do not say what the other "nails" are. You would have to put all the pieces together and decide if you want to end or cool the friendship. Give her the benefit of the doubt and see if she could make it to part of the reception.
2007-03-28 11:34:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mary S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is this the last nail in the coffin? Has she done other things that have set you off? Has she not proven herself to be a good friend? Do you just call her your best friend because you've been friends since 1st grade?
If she's not willing to take time off your work for your wedding, which I'm sure you told her about in advance, then she's probably not that good of a friend.
I don't know that I'd write her off completely, but I'd certainly stop referring to her as "my best friend," because clearly she is not anymore.
You have two options--take her for what she is or let her go.
2007-03-28 11:37:57 · answer #5 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well it depends.... has she been unreliable before? Would she have to travel a great distance to attend your wedding?
As a bride-to-be, Yes, I would absolutely be hurt if my best friend were to miss my wedding because she had to work. But I don't think I would end the friendship b/c of it....
It sounds like she knew about your wedding date well in advance...why couldn't she request to use a personal or vacation day?? I'm sure you had your wedding day booked before she found out that she had to work that day.
I'm sorry but I would think as a best friend, she would do what she had to in order to make sure she didn't miss your wedding.
2007-03-28 12:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are overreacting. She never told you that she would be there so don't act surprised now. I understand that its your wedding and you expect your best friend to share it with you, but sometimes life doesn't happen the way we want. This is definately a sucky situation, but don't be bothered by it and just enjoy planning your day. Even though she can't commit to being your MOH, she may be able to show up at the last minute.
2007-03-28 10:35:42 · answer #7 · answered by kapy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if this is the last nail what were the other ones that have driven u this far. if this is the only problem u really have. than ending the friendship would be childish. it sounds like she has one of those very high important jobs. sometimes its hard to get off work. im sure she has tried and is still trying and maybe shes trying not to make a promise she might not be able to keep.
2007-03-28 10:35:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a really long-standing friendship to just throw away, and during the first year of marriage, you are probably going to want somebody to lean on when things are rough (and be honest with yourself, sometimes it will be rough).
Sometimes when people get married, they let friendships dissolve because they think their new spouse will be all they need, but you absolutely need friendships, remember, the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
It is disappointing that she cannot get away from her work to be at your wedding, especially since you decided to make her your maid of honor, but sometimes people really can't get away from those commitments, especially when they are building their career.
This is obviously bothering you, and you need to discuss this with her openly, but it would be a rash move to terminate the friendship becuase of this.
2007-03-28 10:36:30 · answer #9 · answered by The Graduate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 21:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by riopel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋