Mentor a boy, 15 (Big Brother Big Sisters) and we have been matched for 2 years. The last couple of months have been very trying,lots of attitude and litttle real conversations. Recently he took a computer game home with him without asking (he hid it in his sweatshirt), which is stealing. This is the second time he has done this, the first time we talked about it and i just chalked it up to him making a simple mistake. So once i realized the game was gone, I went to his house and confronted him and he admitted it. We had a talk and he was not respectful and was unapologetic and also did not say sorry or apologize in any way. I am really upset about this. I've been with him 2 years and it seems he has little respect for me (or anything). I think there is something bigger going on and I asked him and tried to get him to open up, but he said "wasn't any of my business". Obviously, that really hurt to hear. What should I do?
2007-03-28 10:25:52 · 3 answers · asked by benjamin p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't know if I should start to close our match or not. He doesn't seem to value our friendship much and most of the time I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I really don't want to give up on him . Trust me...its the last thing I want to do. It has been a very hard road so far and most of the time it seems like he doesn't care. After 2yrs you would think he would be a litttle more open (he never calls or makes contact unless I initiate it)…..any suggestions on moving forward. Should I wait for him to make contact etc….In many ways I feel that he needs to step up and show this friendship means something to him and he should call or at least apologize. Am I expecting too much? Suggestions????
2007-03-28 10:26:05 · update #1
Does Big Brothers, Big Sisters offer any sort of support for you? I've never worked with the program but it makes sense that they might have some recommendations that might help you.
15 is a tough age for anyone but if you're feeling something more is going on it's likely there is. Personally, I'd say if you don't want to give up on the kid keep seeing him. Make an appointment every other week to go out together. The myth that time spent with children must be quality time can be harmful. Sometimes it's during the down times when you're driving down the road to the "big" event that a kid will open up to you and not at the planned "quality" time. Regardless, this kid may need you to be the one person that doesn't quit on him and may be testing that right now.
2007-03-29 03:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know much about this program.. do you have contact with the parents? Anyways..... it seems kids these days act like this more and more.... they don't have respect or morals for anything!! In our community, it seems like the kids who live out in the country and have to work on the farms and the kids who get jobs to earn money are more respectful than some of the other kids who rely on their parents (or stealing) for things. So, I am wondering if you were to take this young man out on a "ruffing it" camping trip, or get him to help you go around cleaning up yards (or some kind of work) if he will become a little more respectful when he has to start working for things..... and when he finds out he can earn money, which should make him feel better about himself.... then he can buy his own things.. Is this a possibility? Keep him busy doing positive things....... and teach him about earning a dollar......... don't let him near your things, and tell him you aren't going to give up on him. Giving up on a kid always send a bad message to them. He may then really believe he is no good. I think, also, there is something more going on... maybe he isn't being invited into a certain group because he isn't "bad" enough... he feels some pressure. Anyways... good luck.... and don't give up.
2007-03-28 17:45:11 · answer #2 · answered by sushihen2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not expecting too much with an apology. i think he must recognize the consequences of his actions. no more playing computer games at your place for instance and let him know why.
after 2 years, he may never open up, but 15 is a tough age. talk to the BBBS folks. they may have some suggestions about how to improve your relationship. i'm sure they've probably seen it all. let them know you are about at your wit's end and could use their help. perhaps they could even put you in touch with another current/former BB for some support. kudos to you for helping a troubled kid. good luck.
2007-03-28 21:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by rainyday 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋