OK, I just got a call from my cousin. She said her mom just found out that she is dating a black guy (they are white). Her mom is now saying she either give up this guy and any black guys in the future, or lose her family. She has also threatened to hurt herself (the mom). That side of the family was raised against blacks. Some were even in the KKK. (sad I know). Anyways, the daughter is 18 and her mom has kicked her out of the house. Of course she can always stay with me and my boyfriend but I would like them to talk about but her mom says she won't budge. How would you handle this situation as I really don't know what to do or say? I'm not going to talk trash to the mom as that's her opinion but I don't want my cousin to lose a major part of her family either.
2007-03-28 10:07:43 · 11 answers · asked by Les 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think after some time, the mom will start to accept it but if she goes ahead and stays the way she is now, she is going to lose her daughter. And my cousin is not going to stop dating her boyfriend, which I totally agree with her on that point. I just hate to see them like this and really in the middle since I've been the one talking to them back and forth. I've just never had to deal with this. I believe you can't choose who you wind up liking or loving and families should accept that. Obviously her family is stuck in their way. And I know for a fact that if her granddad found out, he'd go to jail for trying to kill them or hurt them. That's just the way he is, just to not have his name tarished with the fact that she (my cousin) is with a black man.
2007-03-28 10:24:40 · update #1
It's my cousin's choice to be with this guy. She acts, talks, dresses and so forth more like a black person than white but that's because of where she grew up. All of her friends are black and that is who she feels comfortable with.
2007-03-29 01:51:24 · update #2
You know in todays society that's not uncommon but I will say this what kind of parent would say they want nothing to do with their child because she likes black guys. What if she were gay? Plus as a mother the last thing you want is to not be involved in your childrens lives.
2007-03-28 10:13:38 · answer #1 · answered by KH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question really hits close to home. I was in this exact situation when I was 15. Parents found out that I was dating a black guy and did everything to stop it: pulled me out of school, sent me to live with relatives, etc. I moved out several times. Honestly, there is nothing anyone can do to change someone's mind. I tried reasoning with my parents, but they were just stuck in their ways. What happened in my case is that I got pregnant and had a baby at 16 by this guy. My parents finally let down their guard when they had a grandchild. They seen that she was half black and that she was perfect anyway. Now, they're the ones who are in my life, while the dad has hit the road. I'm not suggesting your cousin go have a baby or anything. She should just stick to what she believes, and hope and pray for a change of heart in her parents. But, before she gives up her family for this guy, she might evaluate him and see if he's really worth it (black, white, or whatever!)....mine wasn't....jerk....:)
2007-03-28 10:30:01 · answer #2 · answered by SouthernMommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, she's 18. She can date whomever she pleases. It's not her problem her parents are racist. On that note, if she is living under her parents' roof, then she should at least respect their stance and keep her boyfriend away. Secondly, you should stay the heck out of it, and not involve yourself. Talk to each, if you want, but don't be the go-between. I would offer your cousin a place to stay if she needs. She's family. But, I would lay down a few rules as to how you are going to not play the middleman between their war. Mom isn't going to hurt herself. She's just being a drama queen with an ignorant view of today's acceptable society. From your cousin's stand point, she should just look at it from her parents' point of view, and understand that their opinion will never change, and she shouldn't try. Just enjoy her life. If necessary, separately.
2007-03-28 11:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by sarlha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your cousin serious about dating outside of her race or is she just trying to defy her racist family? First of all she has to know the answer to that question. If she really wants a relationship with this man, people who really care for her will respect her decision and know that she is responsible enough to make her own choices. As for you, there is no need to "talk trash to the mom." The mom not liking blacks is not an "opinion", it is ignorance. Good luck to your cousin whatever she decides.
2007-03-28 10:27:52 · answer #4 · answered by Inspired 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends on how your cousin feels. Is it worth losing part of her family over? I was in the same situation, however it was not my immediate blood family, but my stepfather, and his side of the family. I did not stop dating my boyfriend, and my stepfather eventually came around and stopped with teh racism. His family unfortunately, did not, but my point of view is......."This is me and this is who I am....if you let something as trivial as race come between us, then you never loved me anyway, and I dont need you." Besides, maybe it will take losing her daughter to realize how stupid she is reacting. I am sure that after a few months or a year, she will come to her senses and realize that losing her daughter is not worth it. And if she doesnt, then the daughter is probably better off, mother or not. I mean, this is 2007, not 1807. Tell her to step into the modern age, nobody cares about interracial relationships anymore........lol......at least she wont have a waterhead grandchild.........(come on folks, you know all white babies have big old heads, i know i did when i was a baby) LOL Tell you cousin just to be herself and be happy, if her mother doesnt come around, then it is her loss. This racism thing has got to stop, and its gotta start somewhere. Good luck.
2007-03-28 10:20:15 · answer #5 · answered by da_trump_queen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure I will get bashed for this, but, I totally understand your aunt's beliefs because I was also raised that race mixing is not acceptable......in my family anyways. I know that times have changed and things are different, and I know that we are all the same inside, and we all bleed red when cut, but, I have parents who were raised in a different time and they taught me to believe what they believe. I don't treat anyone differently because of color, I just don't agree with race mixing myself. On the other hand, I don't think I could disown my children because of whom they love. Be there for your cousin and just give her advice but stay out of the big part of it, because you could lose family members also if they feel you are siding with her........good luck to you and her.
2007-03-28 10:38:53 · answer #6 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow I think we must be related - cause I would hate to think there are many more families like ours out there...
sometimes you have to make a choice and do what is right...her mother can choose ignorance and hate....
you would be surprised how many ppl learn a little acceptance when they have to, when it is their family...
tell your cousin to stay strong and not let other ppl's issues be her own...
2007-03-28 10:17:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should just be there for your cousin. Encourage her to do what is best for her and the family will eventually come around. And if the family chooses not to come around, it is their loss.
2007-03-28 10:14:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cherri 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Beastiality is perverse. Extreme perverts like race traitors, homo's, and christ insanity folks should be put to sleep.
1488
Rahowa
2007-03-28 13:18:58 · answer #9 · answered by Discriminator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's their problem anyway? We're all made from the same dirt.
2007-03-28 10:56:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋