Dealing with an autistic brother?

Question

*K-I know I posted this in F&R.I just know that there are different people with different views here that can help as well.Thanks.*
My little brother is 5,and autistic. i am 14,and lately I have been having a tough time,so I get irritated very easily.
Don't get me wrong, I love my brother to death,but I have to babysit him so often.
I can't get him to listen,settle down,lower his voice-anything. His mind is always set to one thing and if his goals are not achieved he has a major melt down. If anything is out of place he flips out. And plus added to that he just repeats over and over and over and over and over very loudly....its driving me crazy. I am trying to be really nice and considerate of his mental state but due to my mental state I do not know how to handle him right now with out cracking. It just gets worse. I'm trying to understand his little world but I have been brought to tears a few times.Please,parents what do I do?

Answer 1

Are you offering to babysit him or are your patents making you?

When I worked in the field, I dealt with many autistic individuals. These were generally the worst cases. They had to be cared for 24/7. There is not much you can do when they are in an irrational state. You can try and redirect them to something else or a different activity. You usually just had to let it pass.

Oh and he knows how to push your buttons and is probably doing it on purpose. Try not to let it effect you like it is. He feeds on that.

Also, I think that your parents are expecting too much out of you. It is a very difficult job.

Answer 2

to be quite honest, I feel that a 14 year old should not be babysitting an autistic child... brother or not... there are many adults that do not have the patience and skills to babysit an autistic child, much less a teen... nothing against you dear, but as you know, you have your own problems to deal with and teen years are rough...

One autistic child is so different from another, I cant really think of anything i can tell you to make him change his behavior ....it changes so much from person to person.. you can try making sure not to change anything in his environment.. i mean, just turning on the radio to listen to it can set off an autistic person into a fit...Heck, just a non-autistic 5 year old can be a handful and very trying much less dealing with autism. does he have one thing he likes to do? sometimes working with that is helpful, but the main thing with autism is not to change the routine or change the rules or change the consequences of breaking a rule and i dont know that you are able to do that being 14. i mean, a non-autistic 5 yr old ... lets say they know mom wont give them ice cream at 7 at night... when they get the babysitter they ask for ice cream at 7 oclock and they just eat the ice cream and think how smart they are for getting away with something... now, the autistic child if they ask for ice cream at 7 at night and they never get it, but then when the babysitter is there they get it... they dont just think "cool, i got away with it"... to them when something changes, its like "my whole world is totally unpredictable now and the world is crazy and now i am panicing because the rules changed and i dont know why!!!!!!"

Seriously though, if your parents are thinking you arent having a problem, sit them down and tell them. i can sort of understand the parents in a way... they are thinking that the autistic child wont have such a hard time because hes already used to you and wont give you such a hard time as someone new... or perhaps they might not be able to find a day care that will accept an autistic child.... but usually somewhere there is at least a respite care through social services or here where i live, there are 2 churches that offer free babysitting nights to parents of children with special needs.... ((((hugs)))) to you for trying your best sweetie...

Answer 3

my word! I know how you feel. I have a friend who has a 8 yr old autistic daughter and she left her with me to go do some shopping. My word I nearly had a panic attack, I couldn’t touch her, she doesn’t speak and wears a nappy. She walks around the place even paces some times. Its so stressful!

I know how you feel, all I could do is sit there and keep an eye on her as she walked around the house opening and closing cupboard doors, screeching and squeezing a coaster.

If you baby sit often I would recommend you get some specialised help in how to care for an autistic child there must be some centres who specialise in this kind of care.. You are too young to handle this.

And I commend your efforts, you are amazing for trying so hard.

Answer 4

I am the mother of an autistic three year old so I totally know where you are coming from. I agree with the other respondants that maybe it is too much responsibility for someone who is 14. There are many adults in my life that I would never leave my son with let alone a 14 yo teenager simply because I know they don't have the patience to take all that comes with taking care of an autistic child, That said, many of the things that are frustrating you are common behaviors of autistic children. First thing you need to do is tell your parents that you cannot handle it because if you are forced into this situation before you are ready, it can be very dangerous for your brother and for yourself as well. You may get so upset that his needs aren 't being met and he could wind up in a potentially dangerous situation. Also, it is dangerous for your state of mind. I was so stressed out from my son's situation that I am now on antidepressants and am being treated for depression and anxiety. Your next step is to find ways to relate to your brother. Find out as much as you can about the disorder. You will begin to understand why he acts the way he acts and this will help in your communication with him. You can reach him, it may just be in a way that is a bit unorthodox. Having an autistic child in your family can be very difficult and challenging, but there also many wonderful gifts and rewards that come with it too. As you begin to understand your brother you will come to appreciate those gifts and it will only strengthen your bond. I have a fifteen year old brother, and he had a hard time with my son at first, but once he began to learn more about my son, it helped him relate to him better and now my son is very attached to him and my brother loves his nephew very much and even is able to spend time with him without adult intervention. In fact he even enjoys it. I really feel that once you understand his behaviors everything else will fall into place.And above all else remember to have patience with him and understand that he cannot help the things he doesor the way he acts and that is not his fault. It is normal to be frustrated and angry, but it is also important that you find outlets for those feelings, like excercising or journaling. It really helps to be able to get your feelings out in a way that is helpful to you. And in response to Chuck G's answer, your brother is most certainly not pushing your buttons or trying to annoy you. If it were that simple, that that would indicate that he has some sort of control over his behavior which he does not. He is doing these things for many reasons that are his own, but pushing your buttons is definitely the least of them. Good luck

Answer 5

I have a 12 year old autistic son and I certainly don't think you should be having to watch your brother( at least not for more than an hour or so) I know your parents are probably desparate and know that you would never hurt him so they have you watch him...maybe if you tell them that at this particular time he's really trying your patience and you need a break?.....I know that eventually my 3 year old daughter will be in charge of my son and that's going to be a big burden for her and it makes me feel bad, but there's no other choice...in fact we're having another child for many wonderful reason, but also so she can have a (hopefully) 'normal' sibling, and someone to share the responsibility of his care when I die....I plan to outlive him, but I can only hope....

Answer 6

Ok I know from experiance that working with an altistic child is very hard. I personally wouldnt have a 14 year old watch an altistic child,but anyways. Also there is many kinds of altism. What i have learned that you have to get down to there level talk to them in a firm voice. or teach your brother that when he does the melt down tell him to count to 5 or 10, then ask me again nicely. Get his mind off the melt down. I hope this helped lil bit

Answer 7

i have an autistic son, no 14 y.o.should be babysitting him, tell your parents this is wrong, if they ignore you, please tell an authority, if there's anything i know about its autistic children. Thank God at 21 yrs. tall and handsome, he is doing so well he works and drives his own car! but from ages 2 -12--nobody but God knows what I endured. He is not 'pushing buttons ' on purpose-being compulsive or repetitive about things he does; is part of the package.