When there is no explanation....what then?

Question

After I met my bf, when we were just fooling around, not exclusive and "officially" a couple I went on a binge drinking episode with my best girlfriend. I ended up doing some things with another guy that I wouldn't have done had I been sober and in my right mind. I don't even remember what really happened. I am not making an excuse, but I can't explain why I did what I did nor can I justify it. He is looking for an explanation. I have apologized numerous times and told him that because I was under the influence, it was not the real me. I am ashamed and know what I did was hurtful and wrong. He doesn't think I am being honest and I don't know what else I can say. I am commited to him and our relationship. I show and tell him of my love. He is the only one I desire. Nothing like that has happened since and I am not putting myself in the position for it to ever happen again. What else can I say or do?

Answer 1

Break up with him. You don't need to be punished forever and he can't seem to get over it. He's going to use this to keep you down for as long as you're together- very cruel and manipulative. Tell him that since he can't let it go, you'll let him go. Stop living in shame! You did something dumb, and regret it-- come on, even God forgives you-- what's your bf's problem?

Answer 2

Right now, your bf is probably going through a really hard time. He probably lost some trust in you and thinks that you can be a little irresponsible because of that little situation that happened when you were drunk. That's what I would think he would be feeling if I were in his shoes.

So just tell him that you will be more responsible and that you don't just want this accident to ruin their great relationship. Tell him you love him and that you had no intention of any way to hurt him, and that given the second chance, you will be more careful consuming alcohol because you love him. Explain what had happened very slowly and patiently so he'd listen, and tell him that you will never do such a thing again.

It's going to be hard to apologize and you may get aggrevated, but your bf is in the place to have the right to get annoyed, not you. Be patient and considerate when you are talking to him, and keep saying you love him because you really do. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

Nothing! You have done enough already and this is good. Before u married the man he is not forgiving u. You forgive yourself and this experience is showing that u are not ready for a serious relation. Take a break for him, and see how much he really love U. A man can do those things and we woman forgive, but when a woman does it something else. Depends on the mature man. A man that loves u does not want to know u kiss another man let alone--

God keep u in perfect peace who's mind is stay on HIM!

Answer 4

Well I had a similar relationship with my BF too -- we were like friends with benifits and not exclusive -- I didn't expect him to be with only me even though thats what I preferred, and he wasn't with anyone else or so I am told! lol and but I did sleep with someone else during the time before we became official and I told him because I don't want there to be any secrets -- he wasn't mad at me cause he couldn't be. Now its was months before I decided that he was the only one I wanted to be with so I don't know if that counts or anything but that's my story.

I don't think he should be upset with you as long as you and he knows it wouldn't happen again even while your under the influence.

Answer 5

It seems like you've done all you can do, and certainly learned your lesson. Tell him that there is nothing that can explain why you did it - you were drunk and out of control, so there was no *why,* there was just action, just animal impulses.
Tell him everything you told us, and ask that try to forgive you and put this terrible thing behind (the two of) you. There are only so many times you can apologize or beat yourself up before he has to make a decision - is this something he can live with, or not.

Answer 6

nothing if he cant accept you telling him everything you know then let him be you were so wrong how can you say you love him after what you did that's so bad you could have gotten pregnant then what or an std as a girl you need to take care yourself more and be careful don't drink if your not around someone that you can count on to look out for you. you have to understand where he is coming from he loved or loves you and then he had to hear you were with someone else hurt him he wont trust you anymore but you learn from your mistakes so all you can do is tell him your sorry good luck.

Answer 7

You can't say or do anything else then that. I think he is having trouble accepting what happened so he keeps digging for meaning....it may take him a while to get over this, or he may never be able to get over it. You made a mistake, copped to it and tried to make ammends. Time will tell whether this will work out or not.

Answer 8

If you have already told him it was a mistake, it won't happen again than honestly there isn't much more for YOU to do. In a relationship one must learn to trust each other so if he doesn't trust you the relationship won't go much further. If you don't like that reply try teasing him a bit...give him play...trust me...he won't hold it against you that long when you do.

Answer 9

Try talking to him again, tell him you really care about him and that it won't happen again. I know you already did that, but repeating can't hurt? Then give him some time, 3-5 days and then call again. Maybe he'll forgive you if he has some time to think.

Answer 10

Sorry to heard about your trouble. You can't 'make' someone forgive you. Just keep showing him that you love him and that you can be trusted. If that's not enough, then there is nothing else you can do. You sound genuine. I hope everything works out for you.