My husband was rough with my son today?

Question

have a 16 year old son who is very rebellious. Which i am to understand is perfectly normal. My husband keeps confronting me about it saying that its out of hand and that his attitude needs to be handled. I'm a bit more laid back about this but my husband comes from a strict family. When I got home from work a couple hours ago my son had a black eye and he wouldnt tell me what happened. My husband felt it was appropriate to whip him and punch him which i strongly disagree with. Apparently the school called about him failing his english class and my husband lost all control. I didnt find that to be a exscuse for what he did. He has never punished Corey before without discussing it with me first. What am i suppose to do about all this?

Answer 1

Your family needs to get into counselling - pronto!

If your husband can not learn (or just doesn't want to) to control his temper and reactions he should not be around your son. As you just found out, you can not be there to protect him all the time - actually, you should not need to protect him at all in his own home!

Something like this can affect your family forever. It could also affect your son and entire future. You need to let it be known to all involved that the behaviour is completely unacceptable. You need to stick by your son. You need to support his father in making the right decisions in the future, but your son is the priority.

I agree, you could lose your son - and I don't mean to Child Services.

Answer 2

This is a very serious issue that will only get worse and not better after time. The violence and rebelliousness in your family will escalate if unchecked.

There are many factors at play here. The ideal would be to attend family counseling sessions to help you all break the patterns that you're in.

You're husband is acing out his damaged childhood through using excessive uncontrolled force. Your son will seek to vent his frustrations and pain either on himself or onto others.

Here's my advice:

1. Talk to your husband when he is in a good mood and in a conducive environment to talk (take a walk in the park). Ask him to consider whether he felt he may have stepped to far. Ask him how he felt afterwards seeing his son with a black eye? Try and root out his compassion and empathy for his son and let him know that you feel it was unfair that your husband went through violence as a child (not sarcastically! Be genuinely empathetic).

2. Work out a plan with your husband for dealing with your son and stick to it - both of you 100%. This could be that if your son does something wrong that you have a 'cooling off' period in the house where everyone reflects on the situation but doesn't react. After a couple of hours or even the next day once emotions are calm, then agree to discuss the issues as a family.

3. Family discussion. During this it's really important that you all let each other speak without interrupting and that you and your husband and your son agree to fully listen and compromise. Your Son is 16 now, telling him to do things because 'I say so' just won't work he needs to know WHY things are done the way they are and he needs to be given opportunities to have a say in his treatment.

4. Please talk to your son and tell him that you know what is happening and that you are trying to resolve it. Try and get him board to understand why your husband acts the way he does - but don't excuse it. Let your son know that you think it's wrong. So he knows that there may be hope to fix things. If your son thinks you will 'turn a blind eye' then you will lose him completely because he'll feel that he can't trust you to respect or protect him anymore - he'll look for solace elsewhere.

You've been brave to post on here and I really hope that things work out. You're the mum and wife and you play a really valuable role in the family. You have a voice and your opinion deserves to be heard.

Good luck!

Answer 3

In no way should you hit a child like that. A black eye? That's not right. Maybe instead of getting mad at your son he should try to find out the underlying reason your son is failing.....Is he not getting the help he needs? Is he rebelling for not getting enough attention or one on one time with parents?

Answer 4

Girl you nip that crap in the bud asap. There is no excuse for hurting a child like that as a matter of fact it is against the law!!! Him hurting your son like that will only make matters worse,( your son might run away). Is this your husbands son? Just wondering cause maybe thats what made him go over board. Put your foot down woman, hopefully your not next.

Answer 5

He gave your son a black eye!
You know exactly what you have to do..
Tell your husband he went too far, you do realise that your son can be taken away from you if he goes back to school with a black eye and others find out?
... That's not too good ...

Answer 6

I know nithing about parenting . But thats not acceptable to hurt your children . Im 11 and i would rather be grounded for 6 months then take a beating from my dad . no offence to your husband but that was very wrong

Answer 7

your husband is way to strict and he went to far. honey you need to have a talk with him, and with your son. i feel so bad for him. 1st of all, not to scary you, your husband can get into a lot of trouble with the school if they find out what your husband did to Corey. I suggest you talk to them both and straghten things out. Good Luck ;/

Answer 8

Tell him that he doesn't have the right to punish him anymore if he is going to be violent about it. And tell him that he better hope the school doesn't get involved otherwise he will get nailed for it.

Answer 9

Call the police and report the assault! Get your son to the doctor.

Tell you husband if he ever touches your son again you will leave him immediately!

Answer 10

Blacken your husband's eye.