child custody?

Question

my son is 12. i was never married to his dad. his dad has denied him for 12 years. he wont have anything to do with him. im actually happy about that.he is not a nice guy. in and out of jail. he owes us 18,000 in back support.
my question, if i died, would he automatically go to his dad or can i go ahead and get him a guardian, in case of my demise.
there is friend of ours who loves him as a son and spends lots of time with him. can i appoint him (he is willing) as godparent to my son?
and yes., i know it was stupid to sleep with a loser guy. but thats the past, ive learned my lesson, and moved on to be a better person. my only concern right now is for my son. thanks in advance for the help.. :)

thanks everyone! im going to make a will out so i can help protect my child. my friend has been in his life since my son was 4 and acts as a dad to him. he helps with everything for my son. is always at school meetings, takes him all the time to spend quality time with him, even pays for football for my son!! i asked him today and he REALLY wants him in case i pass away. so im going to name him as guardian. hopfully the sperm donor (as he has been known as) wont want him. he doesnt even know his name and is always in trouble with the law. has alot of arrest warrents against him even now.
thank you ALL for the great advice.

to the idiot who said to give my child up for adoption so he could have real parents, what is wrong with you? are you bashing single parents? i am a REAL mother and i would never give up my child. as for support. thats not payment for a parent to buy time with a kid. thats so a kid he HELPED MAKE can have what he needs in life. no, i will not give my son to him. he is a monster and i will not subject my son to that. i might have spread my legs, but it takes 2. all im interested in is keeping my child safe. the man is in jail for CHILD ABUSE. he is not getting that opportunity to hurt my son. and nothing is being held over his head. my son isnt a thing. he is a real human being.
all i want is advice to keep him safe. he is a happy healthy well adjusted kid. and im blessed to have him in my life.
for all the people who offered advice to help my son, thank you. he may be a friend, but who cares. he loves my son. his real dad doesnt even know his name. he doesnt WANT him.

to the idiot who said to give my child up for adoption so he could have real parents, what is wrong with you? are you bashing single parents? i am a REAL mother and i would never give up my child. as for support. thats not payment for a parent to buy time with a kid. thats so a kid he HELPED MAKE can have what he needs in life. no, i will not give my son to him. he is a monster and i will not subject my son to that. i might have spread my legs, but it takes 2. all im interested in is keeping my child safe. the man is in jail for CHILD ABUSE. he is not getting that opportunity to hurt my son. and nothing is being held over his head. my son isnt a thing. he is a real human being.
all i want is advice to keep him safe. he is a happy healthy well adjusted kid. and im blessed to have him in my life.
for all the people who offered advice to help my son, thank you. he may be a friend, but who cares. he loves my son. his real dad doesnt even know his name. he doesnt WANT him.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, the birth father has every right to get your son in the case of your death. I am going through something very very similar also. My daughters "donor" (I affectionately named him this..lol.) hasn't had anything to do with her for ages. She herself, has said that under no circumstances will she go and live with him. According to the courts, the father can petition for custody and may be granted it, but if there is someone more suited to care for your son, they can take HIM to court. Chances are, since he hasn't been around and been in jail, etc, they WILL NOT grant him custody. Your son is old enough to state himself where he would like to live. If he does not want to live with his father, get him to state that when you make your will. That's what I had to do and I had advice of a lawyer. If anything happens to me, my daughter will go and live with my sister. I was told her "donor" didn't have a snowballs chance in hell in keeping custody.
Oh, if you don't have custody, get it now. Sole custody is important in these cases.
Good luck girl and don't back down!! Get that darn child support or put his sorry *** back in jail where it belongs!!

Answer 2

well sweet heart you obviously felt at one time he was an OK guy...he didn't rape you to make this child..... you made an eternal decision when you spread your legs, this means you don't get over it, you don't learn from it and move on!.....you had one other time that you were able to say this was not who you wanted to be responsible for this child should you not be there....that was the birth certificate and the child support..... so many females think that they can separate a man from his wallet and still owe him nothing....yes he owes but the very existence of that debt STILL says that you want him to care for this child....you owe him time with the child and the right to taking care of this child should you pass! the only way I can possibly see past that responsibility that you STILL owe this man...... is forgive now and forever child support and pay back any received payments. Have him sign an agreement that he will not seek contact etc. How ever when its all said and done if the child were turned over to the state,,,,the state regardless of your wishes would give the child to his BIO father..... father hood is FOREVER! that is why sweetie you have to make good decisions about spouses...and let me guess....your a single mom? hmmm it sounds as if maybe you should give up the child so that the child can have a REAL mom AND DAD,,,, any less is abuse! that's right be a woman! grab those ovaries and do the right thing...If you really cared about your son as you profess get this kid a good dad!! shame on you!!!!! good friends are not dads....

Answer 3

I'm thinking you'll need a will to designate your wishes as to who your son would live with if you passed on. You should consult an attorney about this. I'm thinking that without a will, your son would automatically go to his father, if his father is willing to take him. The only way this wouldn't happen if it was contested by someone else, in which case the other person would have to prove his father unfit in some way. I could be wrong, but I'd check it out with an attorney to be sure...

Answer 4

It's not stupid that you slept with a loser guy, just a mistake we make. Sadly, his birth father has first dibs. NOW, your parents can file for custody even the step parent can as well if the step parent has been in your sons life LONGER than, we'll just call him Sperm Donor, :-) has been and has helped support the child too. Anyone I guess can file for custody, you can file ANY legal paperwork in the court system, what the judge decides may have a different outcome.

Answer 5

there isn't any such ingredient as a militia divorce. All divorces are civil concerns. on the different hand, the quantity of youngster help is consistent with income. If there's a courtroom order in place that states how lots baby help he ought to pay, then that's what he needs to pay. the only way he ought to petition the courts to decrease the quantity is that if his situations replaced and he abruptly began making severely much less funds. As for sending extra funds each and every time his ex asks for it, he's not obligated to try this and he's in actuality a fool to realize this.

Answer 6

I have that problem with my exhusband. But its been 14 yrs friday he's not wanted nothing to do with my daughter but he does pay childsupport I make damn sure of that. If you were to die even if you appointed a guarden or godparent the father would get him unless it is written in your will. I am remarried and if I was to pass tomorrow without a will stating what is to happen to my daughter she'd go to a man she has never seen. As it is right now its in my will her stepfather is to gain full custody of her if my husband passes then she goes to her godmother

Answer 7

WHAT????? OMgosh women like you make me ashamed of my gender! You had a child with a bum/lowlife/scumbag and then you hold it over his head? DUMB! You are NOT a better person. You did NOT learn your lesson...you didn't give the child a home with two loving parents. How very, very selfish.

As for the back support. DUH! You have a better chance of defecating angels than collecting it...so why don't you make a deal to rescind his parental rights and forego child support.

Then, and only then you have a chance to give your boy to the friend.

Answer 8

you need to put that in a will and if the father is on the bith certificate you need to have papers sent to him telling him you want him to give up any rights. and i think if he doesnt respond by a certain amount of time his rights are terminated. check with the courts

Answer 9

You need to contact a lawyer about this. I see no reason why you couldn't but you need an attorney, there is probably more to it than just putting it in a will. Good luck.

Answer 10

glad to hear the good news