Why is it so easy to help others but can't return the same favor to ourselves?

Question

Why is it that we often times, love and enjoy helpinh others that we forget to help and pamper ourselves? Why is it so easy to make others happy, but can't pinpoint what makes us happy, why do we we feel we need to please a man, and we can't even please ourselves, you have to asnwer all the questions lol,

Please don't rude I am just getting into your heads.

Answer 1

An excellent thought provoking question.

I have been in clinical practice for 30+ years and have often though of this. A partial answer is, I think we know ourselves so well, all the warts, "bad" thoughts and behaviors, and impulses that ... we end up not liking ourselves very well. We see the flaws. So we feel better when we help other and that helps us for a while... then the emptiness and self-knowledge and doubt come back. And again we dance the dance of dislike with ourselves. It is this self-doubt and self-dislike that pull people to religions that end up being the opiate to the feelings.

It is difficult to love yourself. It is difficult to accept yourself, but that is the ultimate goal. As I get older and closer to my death, I realize that this dance is overly self involved and rather void of true meaning. I am slowly learning to love me, warts and all. And I am slowly learning to be me.

My favorite quote is: It is difficult to find happiness within yourself. It is impossible to find it elsewhere. So start your quest for self-love now. Don't wait. Forgive yourself. Enjoy life. Have fun. Enjoy the depth of your soul and thanks for sharing it with me. Like an old teddy bear, it brings me comfort.
Jerry

Answer 2

What I have learned over the years is that those of us who always feel that we have to do for others is sometimes due to what we think about ourselves.
A good question to ask is, your reason for feeling you have to help others. Is it that you want them to like you or be your friend?
Now, if that is just your nature, Cool, so long as you don't look for something in return.
Another question is, what do you think of you? Often times when we continuously bend over backwards to do for others, they take it for granted. Not saying that you shouldn't be a loving and giving person, but draw the line when you see that your being taken advantage of.
You sound like a great person and for as much as you do for others, they should do for you.
As far as pleasing a man, from my point of view, it is just as important for him to please me as me him. Some people go out their way to please so that they won't be alone.
What is you reason for feeling this way?
We need to learn how to enjoy our own company because when we feel that we must be a certain way for someone else, we are not being who we truly are.
I think that if you take the time to find out who you are then you will be able to answer the above questions yourself.
I hope that your question has been answered satisfactorily. Just responded to the message taken from what you wrote. When a person is kindhearted, they tend to neglect themselves so your not alone.

Answer 3

Because its easier to please someone else when you know how to do it. We aren't as atune to ourselves all the time. You can start by keeping a journal or making small lists of what you think you like. Then look back at them and get to know who you are.

Answer 4

because most people are raised in a religion and we are taught and burned into our brains to give to others first...and then we sink into a depression later in life because we have no personal accompishments or we haven't taken time to help ourselves..and then if we do..we feel guilty.

Answer 5

if you are making your man or someone else happy then surly by doing so we are making ourselves happy also. if we didnt like what were doing would we continue to do so if it made us really sad or mad for some reason.we may be to pre ocupied to remember to pamper ourselves.

Answer 6

Habit .... Its what society has taught us to do.... what are parents told us.... what we feel is "right"