HELP!!! My dad who has been out of my life since I was 7 thinks he has every right to walk me down the aisle!!

Question

I am now 21 and getting married in JUNE. Almost every part of me says NO WAY! and why should you have the privilage. But I would like to know who thinks i should give him a chance and why....And if not how is the best way to tell him NO!?!?

I am actually considering walking myself. My father and I are not close even to this day, he is an alcoholic and is not easy to talk to because he is pretty much always drunk. And unfortunatly i dont think there is another person to have this honor.

I am actually considering walking myself. My father and I are not close even to this day, he is an alcoholic and is not easy to talk to because he is pretty much always drunk. And unfortunatly i dont think there is another person to have this honor.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but biology does not grant a man the honor of walking his daughter down the aisle if he has had nothing to do with the woman she's become.

If you have someone else in mind, such as a special uncle or a brother or grandfather, by all means they should be the one that walks you down the aisle. Or have your mom walk you down the aisle. If not, there's absolutely nothing wrong with walking by yourself.

Escorting a bride is an honor reserved for someone special in her life. You don't have to be blunt with your father, but I would be honest. "Dad, it's nice that you want to be involved in my wedding and thank you for offering, but I am having Mom / Uncle Joe / my brother James walk me down the aisle (or I'm walking myself)."

Answer 2

This may be one of the hardest things you will have to decide. What is your relationship with your father like now? This is your day and no matter what anyone tells you, your choice needs to come from your heart.

I am also getting married in June and I have decided to have my mother walk me down the aisle. Now granted my father passed away when I was 16, but some of my family members said that my stepfather or brother should walk me down the aisle. My mother and I have not always had the best relationship and if my wedding was 7 years ago, I wouldn't have even considered my mother. But the relationship we have now is greater than its ever been. Yes, its unconventional, but this is my day.

If you decide you do not want him to walk you down the aisle. Tell him the truth. Perhaps letting him know how you feel may bring you to closer. In a relationship, people have to work together. Though it may hurt its always best to be honest.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you wedding is everyhting YOU want it to be!

Answer 3

Walking you down the aisle should be someone to whom you feel very very close. Before your dad started insisiting to walk you down the aisle and apparently came back to your life, who had YOU imagined walking down the aisle with you? Did you picture going at it alone (which is a popular choice)? Don't just say yes to only appease him or because you think its tradition. Do you think he is going to be a bigger part of your life in the future? If so, maybe this will mend your relationship with him. Weddings can often times be a way to start over, new & fresh. But if you dont want to give him that, then just tell him that you'd rather walk alone down the aisle and you dont need anyone 'giving you away', esp since he hasn't been there for you to technically 'give you away'.

Answer 4

Wow. Do you have someone else you were considering walking you down? Like a step-dad or uncle perhaps?

If you're not close with your father at all--it wouldn't make sense to have him walking you down if only to fill the traditional role of a "father giving his daughter away".

Perhaps, having a conversation with him (which would be incredibly awkward and hard) about how you feel like he shouldn't have the priviledge might actually bring you guys closer. Maybe it's time he's realized how you've felt since you were seven.. and he can't just pop in and play the "father" role all of a sudden. Good Luck : )

Answer 5

I totally understand your frustration... First, this is YOUR day, not his..Do you have someone to walk you down the aisle? Even if you don't and you have strong feeling against him walking you down the aisle I would suggest calmly talking with your father about your thoughts and feelings. Did he all of a sudden just pop back into your life? My dad hasn't been in my life for a long time too, my godfather, whom I am very close to is walking me down the aisle. personally, if I were you, I wouldn't want him walking me down. Especially if he has caused you pain when he left. I don't think he has any right to walk you down the aisle. It all depends on you and your feelings honey. If you want to give him a chance, go for it, but don't do something just to please others. This is YOUR special day, not his. I would suggest having your mother, uncle, bother, or your father in law to be walk you down. Who ever you feel most comfortable with I think. Happy Wedding Day..Don't stress over this, everything will be fine

Answer 6

I completely understand your situation, I am in it myself. I know its hard to say outloud to him that he doesnt have the right to walk you down the aisle. I in a round about way kind of told him by not including him in the details. Send him an invitation to the wedding which gives him the hint, dad's dont get invitations they know the details. Guests get invitations. He is a guest. I think its great to walk down alone and actually there is a minister that I found who believes women arent to be given away like property and doesnt include that part in his ceremony. I'll give you the link to his ceremony examples. I'm lucky enough to have an incredible step dad who raised me but I know what you are going through. Just dont include him and he'll get the hint. The best way is just to be honest with him but I cant do that myself so I wont give you that advice. Good luck and hang in there! Make this your day and dont worry about dead beat dads!

http://www.greatohioweddings.com/Ceremonies.html

Answer 7

It's funny how men can neglect their families/children for years & then suddenly spring to attention when they think this privilege is being snatched from them. Many think this is their RIGHT. But note, I said privilege. This is not a birthright; it is an honor, something you EARN the right to do. The mere fact that you created a child doesn't give you carte blanche.

It's up to you to decide whether you want this man in your wedding or in your life. Sounds to me like you've gotten along well so far. I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive this man. Forgivess is for you, not him.

If you decide to not have him, then if you can't tell him face to face, write him a letter. Expect A LOT of fireworks over this, as you will be a horrible daughter for this. Also might want to clue your officiant & ushers of this in case your father decides to raise a stink at the wedding.
It is still your decison.

Answer 8

I am with you on this one my father will not be walking me down the aisle since he's been out of my life since I was 4 years old. I told him personally he will not be invited to my wedding since I can do without him trying to start crap with my mom and out of respect to her he's not going to be present at all and doing that will disrespect my grandfather's memory since he was the one who raised me and my sister since we were kids.

I don't care what anyone thinks if daddy's been out of the pic and had nothing to do with you since the day he left he will not walk back in and think he can have the honor and privilege of walking me down the aisle.

Answer 9

This is your special day and the only people who should participate are special people. If you feel that there is someone who is more suitable to walk you down the aisle just have them do it. Explain to your father that you do love him but there have been people in your life more than he has.

Answer 10

I say give him a chance. Especially since he hasn't been out of your life since you were 7 (if he's truly been out of your life, how would you know that he wants to walk you down the aisle)?