I have a very painful family sit....?

Question

My mother and father were substance abusers, heroin the substance of choice. 1st mom dead at age 42, me 13. Then dad died of same thing at age 54, me 18. My sociopath brother found him overdosed. My brother has been tormenting physically and emotionally for 95% of my life, and continues that to this day: lies, rumors, he even stole all of the money from me from the sale of the house after my dad died. He has deeply traumatized me, on top of everything else. I do have a grandpa that I care about, but no one to confide in. I am so full of anger and hurt because of my brother; he is a sociopath. Would should I do? And he has two kids by a nineteen yr. old girl, who put a dirty tampon in my mailbox thanksgiving nite and dog doo-doo on my door and I know my brother was the mastermind....Would you get even, what would you do? I am so f'n mad. ABOUT THE WHOLE F'D UP SITUATION.

Isn't there a legal avenue I can take to get my money back?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about how your parents died. Substance abuse is avoidable but once you're in the grips of a habit like that, it can easily kill. I wish people were more afraid of drugs than they are.
Now you are in this situation. Your brother's girlfriend is horrible by herself - anyone who would put a dirty tampon in your mailbox doesn't need a mastermind to help her. She doesn't have self-control to manage her own behavior. Your brother isn't forcing her to do things like that. Let's just say about those two: they deserve each other.
If your own life is in order somewhat, any therapist would tell you to minimize contact with them. You may feel deeply traumatized but counseling would provide the person you need to confide in.
Getting even is only going to escalate a battle. It is two against one and if you care about his two kids being eventually witnesses to this battle, maybe you can spare THEM this sight. Use that as your reason if you can't think of any other reason.
People continue to torment relatives, friends and exes when they think they can keep performing for a reaction: do this bad thing, get a reaction, do that bad thing, get a reaction. It is a dead end if they can't get a reaction. It doesn't change them, doesn't make them want to do good things instead - it just isn't so rewarding an activity if there is NO reaction at all!
If you are effing fed up with the whole situation, minimize contact with your brother (he knows what he's doing is malicious) but don't disown him - meet him on neutral ground when you have to meet him at all. Stay out of his business and make it clear that you will stay miles away from being involved in his life's problems - not through arguing about it but just by refusing to be involved. Then don't react at all to the attacks - unless they are dangerous (in which case, call the police).
Don't react means act as if these things never happened. Refuse to acknowledge that there was anything in your mailbox, for example, if you are even asked.
Your 'sociopathic' brother may be just that. He is also the guy who found your dad overdosed. Without knowing facts, I will bet any amount of money that you're the older sibling. Your brother, sociopath that he is, may seek some parenting from you that you cannot give him but he perceives that you 'will not' give him as if you made a decision about it!
He needs therapy. So do you because that is where you find the person to confide in, at least for awhile. You can make something great of your life, so different from your parents'. I hope you find better things in your future. God bless.

Answer 2

Sometimes you just have to leave your family members behind. You are 18 and no longer have to spend time with your brother - it's your choice.

I wouldn't retaliate to his antics but I would cut him out of my life as being around him or talking to him only hurt you at this time. You wouldn't be wrong to let him go - if you had a friend like this, you'd drop him. Same with family.

Tell your grandfather what is going on and your decision to stop having contact with your brother.

As for the money - let it go. You will make money as you work and will acquire things - it's not worth the argument. An attorney would just suck you dry with a lawsuit that would take YEARS and by the time it was over - your share would only be enough to cover their bill. Plus, you prolong your anger. Let it go now and move forward. You can't change your brother or the past. The future is yours, though. Choose wisely.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for the painful life that has been brought to you.

First of all, don't bother with the legal system. The lawyers and judges have worked in the system together for so long that all they do is work the criminals and the victims through the proceedures as long as they possibly can to drain their bank accounts. Lawyers charge about $385 to $500 per hour. They charge you for an hour if they talk to you for six minutes. They charge you for every phone call, every letter that they write. They charge you if they leave you a message on your answering machine. They deliberately get continuances to yet another court date, just so they can charge another day to your account.

Get your brother out of your life. You are not obligated to him in any way. You are not responsible for him or anything that happens to him. You can go to the courts and get an order of protection filed against your brother and the nasty 19 year old, but then you will be in the court system and they will eventually take all your money.

Mentally and emotionally disconnect from your brother and all the pain that he has caused you. Put your past with your brother and parents emotionally in the past. Consider this the first day of your new life. Today, begins the life that you will choose and create for yourself. If that means moving out of town, do it. Do whatever you can to separate yourself from this brother and the trouble he will continue to bring to you. Your choice now. What will you do for yourself, by yourself. Make them good, wise, wonderful for you choices. Don't carry the miserable choices that your parents and brother made for themselves into your new life.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Sick stuff they're doing, but, no, don't seek revenge.

They'll just get back at you worse, and the whole thing will keep escalating.

You'd be bringing more grief to yourself, not less.

Would it help you to reflect on how infantile the "pranks" were?

I mean, grow up, bro! Gross? Yes. Two-year-old? Definitely.

Try not to let them bother you -- that's all they're after. Letting them get to you is giving them WAY too much power.

Now that you don't have to live together, you should escape the power he used to have over the quality of your life.

You'd have to consult with a lawyer about trying to get your share of the money, but it's probably better to let that go, too, given his history of harassment of you.

Don't deal with him in any way.

You might consider counseling, as that's some bunch of burdens you've had. Talking to people who know what you're talking about can really help you truly put things behind you in a way just saying "I'm moving on." can't.

A counselor or self-help group would provide someone to confide in, which is essential in life, and something you seem to wish for.

Ten years from now, all that hell will be an increasingly dimming memory.

Answer 5

You know what I think is best? Just cut your losses and get the hell out of there. I'm talking new town, new state, disappear and stay gone so you can enjoy your life for a change. Get counseling from a good therapist before you go completely wacky too. Sounds as though your brother and little buddy may be druggies. Pull out ASAP

Answer 6

First of all, brother or not, you need to report anything like this to the police. Stay away from him and his idiot girlfriend/wife and get a restraining order on the both of them. Document everything. As far as the money he stole from you goes, I don't think you can do anything about it unless you have absolute proof that he did it. Cut your ties with him. It sounds like he's a lost cause. Jail or prison would be the best thing that could happen to him.

Answer 7

Yes I have. My mom died of melanoma and I have not ever been the equal given that. That correct there used to be what began me wondering faith, having long gone notion that. That is among the foremost explanations I misplaced all religion in any gods. I've misplaced many family (a few in alternatively awful approaches) however she's the one one that I misplaced to melanoma. I used to be there the day she died. Not an afternoon is going through that I do not omit her and want I would nonetheless speak to her. She wasn't simply my mom, she used to be my exceptional buddy. The simplest factor that did alleviation me used to be that she used to be not in anguish. You do not understand how terrible it used to be to observe one of the crucial lovely woman I'd even recognized waste away and die this kind of painful and merciless demise. She used to be a lot, a lot to younger to die. I suppose the purple ribbon is for breast melanoma. (Which is not what my mother died of.)

Answer 8

Cut your brother out of your life. If you have to, change your number and move. Call the cops, get a restraining order. Make bold moves to know you don't want him around and to leave you the heck alone!

Answer 9

Honestly if I were you I would just move away and forget that I even have a brother.. I would just start over somewhere else and make my life with friends and to better myself. (I know tons of people that go to friends houses to celebrate christmas and stuff instead of spending it with family.. but if you move away and he can't find you then you won't have to put up with his stupid life anymore. Just a thought

Answer 10

You can get a lawyer and see what steps you can take to file legal recourse against your brother. Without representation you won't get far.

As far as everything else goes, I would move or tell them you've changed addresses and don't talk to him ever again. What a jerk