My girlfriend's parents' views of Africans is preventing us from deepening our relationship. What should I do?

Question

I moved to the US from Africa to continue my studies and have been dating a woman for 6 months. Her parents don't approve of our relationship and seem to regard blacks as inferior. What should I do to win them over, or barring that, insulate our relationship from their views - or is that even possible?

Answer 1

There will always be adversity to your relationship, whether it's from a source as close as her parents to strangers who scowl at you on the street. You will never be able to change their opinions about an entire race, but you can try to prove your self worth to the parents, just don't expect revolutionary results. I am in a mixed relationship, and I take pride and satisfaction that our relationship is built on a solid foundation of trust, honesty, and integrity, and anyone who thinks our relationship isn't appropriate because of our skin colours simply doesn't know how smoothly our relationship runs. My father doesn't speak to me anymore, and to be honest, if parental love has limitations like that, I will take the unconditional love of my spouse over it any day. It gets easier with time, I've been with my sweetie for over 2 years now and the stares we get slip right past me now.
A good motto I use is, "if they have an issue with our relationship, it's their problem, not ours."

Answer 2

Well, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks. Her parents disapprove of you b/c they just don't understand your culture. People usually fear and hate what they don't understand, so try to take them out or prepare an authentic meal from your country to try to broaden their views on the African culture. Try to explain the different ceremonies that your people may perform and give them an insight to the significance as to why things are done a certain way for that occasion. It's a start, but just remember that it's your g/f that has the final say in whether she wants to deepen your relationship, not her parents'. If all else fails, just explain to them that in your culture it's important to get the approval of the parents of your love before continuing on. But again, you're dating your g/f, not the parents.

Answer 3

It's a real shame that in the 21st century, people are still so close-minded. Unfortunately there may never be a way to change their minds or win them over. But it's certainly worth a try if you really care for this girl. Hopefully they'll know how great you are by how their daughter talks about you and tells them how great you treat her. Maybe after some time they'll come around and realize that you really are a good guy (of course I'm assuming that you are). And if they never come around, hopefully your relationship will be strong enough for it not to matter. Your girlfriend shouldn't want her parents in her life if they are not willing to respect her decisions and her choices in life. I wish you luck though - miracles do happen!

Answer 4

I wouldn't put too much hope into having her parents approve of your relationship.If you stay together for any length of time, maybe. Keep a polite distance from them and try to steer the relationship with your girlfriend in ways that give you very little contact with the parents. Keep your dating outside their home
as much as possible, that would insulate.

Answer 5

There are some people that will never approve. And, it's their loss truly. Just keep dating girlfriend and grow together and hopefully you and she will be together for a long time. If it's necessary for her to choose you or her parents, if she really loves you, then she will choose you. Her parents should respect her enough to know her own mind. Not all people in the US are as ignorant as her parents.

Answer 6

Of course it's possible! My best friend has been married to a black man for .... almost 20 years! They have five beautiful children. His is a state trooper in Ohio and her family told her if she married him, they would never speak to her again. Her brother doesn't talk to her, but her mother is very close with the family. I don't know if you can ever "win them over", but if you two love each other, I say go for it, you just won't be able to have a close extended family, but hey, they may come around when they realize how much you two love each other, and how happy you make her.

Answer 7

Prove to them in any way that you can that you are a decent,resposible,respectable human being.It may take some doing but you can.

Don't insulate your relationship with their daughter from them.It never works.She has to help you out in this matter also.

I can never understand why the color of someone's skin takes away from who they are.We're all God's children no matter the color.

Try to get together with them for dinner or coffee and let them get to know you and who you are.Good Luck.

Answer 8

well how old is she if she is an adult then she needs to think for herself and the fact that her parents have that much control over her and there views are so messed up and sick is a HUGE RED FLAG
they will always feel this way and she needs to get a spine and think on her own i mean what if you have kids will they not see them as there grand kids cus there are half black

they have alot of control over her and they are really messed up so if she is OK with you being black then i would try it
but if she isn't then go find some one that loves you for you color

Answer 9

I don't think you can insulate your relationship from other peoples views. You just have to keep being yourself and treating your woman the way she deserves to be treated. Because at the end of the day it's going to be you and her anyway...nobody else.

Answer 10

well i am also with a boyfriend who is from africa....but fortunately, my parents have no problem with our relationship. one thing you can do tho is to sit with them and ask them exactly what their fears are for their daughter. it takes a lot of guts to do that, but they will probably respect you more. in the talk try to ease their fears and whatever african stereotypes they may have. when you're with your girl in front of them, treat her with the upmost respect and don't do anything, even in joking, that will dissaprove their parents. best of luck to you!