Does my boyfriend have OCPD?

Question

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_personality_disorder

Here is some info from that website, and my explanation of things... I really think he needs

to be diagnosed!!!

The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines that for a

patient to be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, they must exhibit at

least four of the following traits:

1) Preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, bodily functions, or

schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost
2) Showing perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a

project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
3)Excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and

friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)
4)Being overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or

values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
5)Inability to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental

value
6)Reluctance to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or

her way of doing things
7)Adopting a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as

something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
8)Showing rigidity and stubbornness
9)Urge to perfect every little thing

It is important to note that while a person may exhibit any or all of the characteristics of

a personality disorder, it is not diagnosed as a disorder unless the person has trouble

leading a normal life due to these issues.

As for my boyfriend, and the things that make me think he has OCPD, numbers coinciding with

the numbers above for the traits......

#1 Preoccupation... If you try to change any chain of events that he has scheduled for

himself... durring any part of the day, or are going somewhere with him, he will start a

fight being pushy about your timing, or be stubborn to changes others want to make in the

schedule ,even if it's me staying up an extra 10 minutes to spend time with him! It effects

his own personal schedule that he makes for himself down to the minute. He would rather

fight for an hour instead of enjoying the extra 10 minutes! As for rules, they have to be

his. As for details, he explained to me the way he likes to salt his food at least 3 times,

before I had to tell him I don't care how you salt your food, it's your food, I just don't

want to hear about it. I've heard it enough! He hates it when he can't seem to poop at the

same time every day! He will complain about it to me while he's on the toilet, every time it

happens! Well, there are lots of examples for #1, but I don't need to list them all. He just

looses the point of any thing! How can we go out to have a good time when he starts bitching

at me at half day to get all the things done around the house? Then he decides to complain

that I'm not moving, or getting around fast enough when we're about to go out. He rather

argue about it, than be patient for me to finish getting around. I've even tried being

totally on time, even early with my getting around, and he can't seem to stop himself! I

thought the point to going out together was to enjoy eachother, not put eachother in a bad

mood from unnecessary complaining!

#2 Perfectionism... He won't finish things he doesn't think he can meet his own standards

on! Ex... putting away freezer items, organizing cabinets, fixing the waterfall he broke,

the IQ test he quit on, tuning his own drums... He has me do those things he can't meet his

own standards on because he thinks I can!

#3 Excessive devotion to work.... He believes that all things you need to get done around

the house need to be done before you can go have fun with friends, or even hang out with

your sister! As far as I'm concerned, things around the house will be there tomorrow! Today,

if the opportunity presents itself, you should be able to LIVE, and stop the doing, so that

you can actually take advantage of this opportunity you have today which won't be there

tomorrow! This is particularly a problem when there are several days to finish things around

the house, but today, your sister asked you to come over, and have a game night with the

kids! Tate thinks I need to come home & finish everything when I have NEVER had a game night

with my sister & the kids! He might even be at home doing nothing, but he still thinks you

need to be there finishing "your" work around the house!

#4 Being overconscientious... He has a tendancy to be overbearing in his own opinions of

whether something is right or wrong. What he thinks is right, is usually NOT right, but yet

he seems to think so, calls them morals, and values, and tries to force me to HIS way only,

even if it's me who is right! He still seems to validate everything to himself even if his

reasoning makes no sense at all! Tate is so inflexible that it's painful to me, because it's

so unfair of him! You know of all of his double standards! None of it really makes sense at

all!

#5 Inability to discard.... He shows no visable sign of this at all.

#6 Reluctance.... Well, when he delegates tasks to others, he gets specific, and if he does

not, he's always angry that you didn't meet his standards, or if you do not bend over

backwards to do it his way, he gets angry. Ex... Even though I was supposed to get to design

all the landscaping, and it was supposed to be my thing, He couldn't let me just do it. He

decided he needed to be in control of what went into the landscaping, how it was planted,

and arranged. I thought this was supposed to be mine! I didn't get to plant alot of my

favorite things in my own yard because he didn't like them!!!!! BTW, every party that we

have had has been a struggle because I used to plan all the parties in my house, but after I

moved in with the boyfriend... Every time we are going to have a party, even if I am

supposed to be planning it, somehow, he decides he needs to take over the whole thing! He

won't let me decide what's for dinner, or what we're going to do durring the party. I

planned a Halloween party, and was so upset because he wouldn't let me do it my way! I

wanted to cook... he decided we should have it catered. I wanted to decorate the inside &

outside of the house... he decided the outside of the house was enough. I decided to serve a

punch for the kids... he wanted to serve pop. I wanted to buy a pumpkin for each kid to

carve... he said NO! I wanted to get treats for all the kids... he said NO! I wanted to make

or buy some cupcakes for the kids... he said NO! This whole project was supposed to be mine,

as was my Birthday party, and he seemed to either take over EVERYTHING, or complain, and

accuse me of being some kind of liar when he didn't get his way, or I thought I was plain &

clear about something(even though I knew with him it was all a catch 22!) and he decided I

didn't mean what I said, even though he just wasn't listening, or he wasn't clear himself.

It's really rediculous how either he has to do it, or I get rung through the ringer if I do

something my way, or the way I said I was going to if it wasn't his way!

#7 Money... He doesn't want me to spend any, and thinks I have a spending problem, even

though I'm only making sure the house is stocked with groceries! He thinks he can just go

buy himself and others tickets to a whole bunch of Sox games, but if I want to buy myself a

record player and some vintage vinyl albums, it's not okay! If he's planning the party,

there's no spending limit if it's his idea, but for my Birthday party, he wanted to be

frugal, and not allow me to do a wine tasting, and spend $200 on wine because he wanted to

stock the bar that he hadn't since the Halloween party, even though my guests were coming

for a wine tasting party! They weren't drinking hard liquor, and that was going to be $100

to restock! I told him what I was going to get wine wise, and he told me to restock the

liquor. I went, bought it all, then he complained at me for spending too much, even though I

know he would have spent the same if he went! Like... it's okay for him to do it, but not

okay for me to! The same thing happened on the same day with the groceries, and party foods!

Then he said that since I spent $600 on my birthday (which was really $200 on groceries,

$100 party snacks & food for 2 parties, $100 for hard liquor, and $200 for wine), that when

he got his tax return, he was going to spend it all on what ever he wanted, and I couldn't

spend a dime of it! That's kind of like him telling me all year that he was bringing in more

money to the house, even though he wasn't, plus, he refused to include the monthly child

support in my amount!

#8 Rigidity and stubborness... Gosh, I could go on forever on this one, but I won't. This

applys to everything in our life together. My way is never bent toward, or a consideration.

Everything has to be his way, even if it's not the best thing, or right or fair in any way

shape or form.

#9 Urge to perfect every little thing... Mostly, he wants to perfect me! This perfection,

however, is what he, himself has made of it, whether it is normal, or not!

Actually, ACPD is different tan OCD. I have read info all over the place, and let me tell you, of all that I've read, including everything else I thought he might have, this is seriously the one if you add in anger management issues. I am actually really easy going & don't have a tendancy to fight unless someone is being unfair. I know the way he is is not normal. I've never met someone with these issues before!

I meant OCPD.... typos!

He has a false sense that only what he believes to be the truth is the truth, and only as he believes is what is right! It's so frustrating sometimes because he just doesn't understand, or comprehend himself being wrong about anything. He lies to himself about a situation after he manipulates it & then believes his own lies. I bang my head against the wall every day!

I can guarantee that if this didn't effect his every day life, and mine, I wouldn't have posted it! This is a long time thing going on. IT is more than just some normal problem, because if it was indeed normal, than what a person would normally do to solve a problem would actually work! NO PROBELMS EVER GET SOLVED!! To everyone else, the answers are simple to see, as they are to me, but a solution cannot ever come if one person is so dillusional that nothing makes sense!!!!! I don't have a problem admitting when I am wrong people!

Imagine crying yourself to sleep at night because you can't get through to the person you love!

He loves you, but will continue to hurt you, because he just doesn't get that he's not always right!

I REALLY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE THINK THAT A PERSON JUST THINKS THE OTHER PERSON IS SCREWY BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!!!! The problem is that I do! There IS NO OTHER ANSWER here!!!! He's got something wrong!!! I am so ready to take him to a psychologist!

Answer 1

Print out your list and if he will not agree to see someone, then you go. You cannot become someone's perfect. All of us have a bit of OCD in us (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), but this level of problems has to be interfering with his (and your) normal life which is enough criteria to base seeing a professional on. And look up more information besides on Wikopedia...sometimes the information there is right and sometimes its a bit off.

Dust in the Wind
Peg

Answer 2

I am so sorry for you and your boyfriend. This is nothing to make fun of. My X Husband had OCD and it was just terrible the last 3 years of our marriage. I was not allowed to leave the House without him, he had to go with me to buy the grocerys, because he wanted certain items bought and had a fit if I did not buy the right ones. I could not move anything in the house, or he would pitch a fit. His clothes in his closet had to all be hung a certain way. He was a Workaholic with 64 employees but would not take his Vacation each year because he truly believed they would do something wrong if he was not there. He was very frugal with money, spending only what had to be spent to survive, yet believeing that we never could save enough. Our marriage lasted 27 years and when the kids were grown and gone, I left also. I just could not live the rest of my Life that way . He refused to take his Medicine the Doctor gave him, and in the end it had gotten so bad he chose the clothes I wore daily. Nope OCD and OCPD are nothing to laugh about, its terrible.

Answer 3

After wasting three years of my precious life dating someone with this disorder. Knowing what I know now I would never ever date anyone with OCPD. They are very selfish and callous people who dont have a heart and dont care about anybody but theirselves. They are so determined that their way is the right way. They will discard anyone who doesn't fit into their little agenda and once they have no use for you or you don't go along with their little system, then they have no further use for you. As I said I wasted years of my life trying to be understanding and being there for this person when they had no one else who showed them any kindness only to be discarded like trash. So I warn anyone get out while you can. Its not worth it...

Answer 4

If your boyfriend has OCPD, the symptoms:
1) Would find him nit-picking HIS activities, etc. and not yours.
2) Would find him tweaking things HE does, not you.
3) Would find him working late hours and neglecting you, not badgering you to work 24/7.
4) Would find him nearly incapable of telling social lies, keeping an extra nickel in change from a cashier, etc., not ramming his opinions down your throat.
5) You say he doesn't show this one.
6) Would find him unable to give you tasks to do because he has an exact way he wants them done, no exceptions and no fudge factor.
7) Would find him unable to buy the Sox tickets.
8) Would find him being the toughest on himself, not you.

I'm speaking from my own OCPD.

He does not appear to have OCPD. Try looking up narcissistic behavior. And if he refuses to get relationship counseling with you, get counseling for yourself.

Answer 5

this is just who he is you can spend all the time and money in the world on therapy and things might change a little but not anything that is going to make a difference either you can deal with this the rest of your life or you cannot but decide now

Answer 6

The DSM is garbage. In 1950 they had less than 100 entries in there. How many are there now? Did mankind just now develop these problems? Sounds like you want to limit him or drug him. I'd knock that off and let him be who he is. Psychiatry is bs so anyone who would suggest needs real data like www.cchr.org. Go there and watch the videos of the psychs saying they have no valid tests for mental illness or cures.

Answer 7

Some people's answers I read are quite rude. And I am on your side. People have different cases of Down's Syndrome, so they can have symptoms of OCPD. I would reccomend seeing a psychologist about your boyfriend.Good Luck!

Answer 8

He might also have:

Hypoactive Premature Animal Syndrome With Incontinence (HPASWI)
HPASWI involves extreme reluctance and low energy exacerbated by an unplanned, temporally-distorted physiological response when near animals or beasts, combined with an inability to control one's own bladder.


Medication-Induced Bipolar Aversion Dysfunction (MBAD)
MBAD is primarily characterized by drug-induced toxic side effects impacting physiology and neurology exacerbated by unpredictably extreme mood responses in the rejection of others.

Paranoid Disorganized Anxiety Dysfunction With Itching (PDADWI)
PDADWI is characterized by extreme fear of persecution compromised by a striking inability to locate objects or information that occurs during episodes of extreme mental or emotional stress, interrupted by severe tingling sensations on specific skin regions.

Transient Premature Deficit Disorder With Flatulence (TPDDWF)
TPDDWF is defined as intermittent, rapidly-changing episodes in conjunction with an unplanned, temporally-distorted physiological response that exists at sub-optimal levels, interrupted by intermittent explosions of methane gas from the anus.

Answer 9

that's a tricky question

Answer 10

you question is way too long. No one is going to read all of that, unless someone has OCD.

I suffer from OCD.

Your BF does not.

Take my word for it. You are just being stubborn and unreasonable, and are totally incompatible with your BF.