Please help me make a good decision. I met a 34 year old Latina lady with whom I have become friends.?

Question

We met in a salsa dancing class. We were spending a lot of time together and things began to heat up a little bit. We did not kiss but we would exchange hugs. I wanted to kiss her but I was not sure if I really wanted her. She told me she had feelings for me and I was ok (it made things easier) with that so we started dating, assuring each other if things did not work out we would have no regrets.

She told me later that she would like it if I did not dance with other people anymore. Dancing with others is common practice in the salsa dancing circle. I agreed to REDUCE my dancing with others because as a couple I should pay her the most attention. But from time to time I would see my friends with whom I would want to spend a couple of dances with.

She wanted me to eliminate that too. I felt that I have already made a lot of compromises that I was OK with but to completely eliminate dancing with even my friends (and they are JUST FRIENDS, older, younger, whatever).

She has told me that she does not want to be my girlfriend anymore because both of us refuse to change. I think I changed a lot and she will not change her preference.

We recently broke up and I am wondering if I did the right thing by agreeing to break up. I mean should I have given in all the way?

She said she thought that love conquers all, and that I should have given her the attention she needs, and that the feelings of love would make me not care about dancing with my friends.

I do not agree with that. I think love conquered me that I changed my ways a LOT but ignoring my friends would make me live a life of resentment.

By the way in hispanic culture this is common - for couple to stay together in social scenes like that. She says that "Yes we (hispanic women) demand a lot, but we give a lot back as well." This is true because when we are alone she is extremely attentive to me.

Have I done the right thing agreeing to walk away? Should I reconsider?

Answer 1

she sounds insecure...I don't dig that but, hey it's up to you.

Answer 2

First of all you tlak about her as a hispanic women. If you dont like hispanic women then leave her alone and go find someone your own race.
But if i misunderstood you, then im sorry. Look im hispanic too and race doesnt have anything to do with a relationship. If you feel that you have feelings for this person, then go after her. Dont let her get away. Tell her how you feel and that you dont like the way she is bossing you around. Tell her that you love her but you also want to have some time with your friends, not only her. Tell her that she cant boss you around that way. Going out mens loving each other and becoming into a slave for your girlfriend. I think you should really think about this because love comes to your life once in a life time.
Good Luck!!
me- best answer!
:)

Answer 3

Well, I married into a Latino family and one thing I can tell you is that the Hispanic culture is territorial by nature when it comes to their lovers. Not all Latinos/as are that way, but it's definitely common among them. My husband refuses to let me dance w/ anyone unless they're family aka his dad. My husband doesn't dance at all, so this is really trying for me b/c dance has been such a part of my life for over 10 yrs. I'm not allowed to go to clubs, especially by myself b/c my husband doesn't want to take the risk of me dancing w/ another man, but at those kinds of clubs, I don't dance w/ guys at all (they can never keep up w/ me). Even tho' my hubby's Puerto Rican, he doesn't know any of the Latin dances, yet I do (which is how I got in good graces w/ his family being a white girl and all). If you're not ready to make that kind of commitment to this girl and cut out any and all female contact, then you need to find someone that's more suited to your beliefs.

Answer 4

For the most part Latin women are very possessive but on the other side they are very loyal.

Odds are that if you want this loose type of relationship it will most likely not work out. Personally I prefer a woman that gives me attention.

Answer 5

Say, this woman is not your wife. She's just a friend, a friend in the early stages of a friendship. You should seriously get to know her better. You said she is Latino. Ask her about her culture if you are not Latino yourself. Ask her alot of questions. She's either insecure or she portraying what happens in her culture.

Answer 6

I am proud to say I am a Latin woman, but I would never make my husband stop dancing with his friends, and your right if they are just friends what is the problem. She is being controlling and if you do not stop it now, then you will be in bigger trouble later.

Answer 7

I think her request was immature and possesive. I would be quite put off by this as it is only a sign of things to come....you are in a DANCING class, for goodness sakes! You're supposed to dance with everyone...I just think it's silly.

Answer 8

obviously this is why you joined a salsa dance class so whats the deal. is there somebody else youve got your eye on in the salsa class. HELLO!

Answer 9

oh no! this chick is trying to control you, and why do you want to be around someone that is insecure. in her mind she thinks your going to mess with someone else on the dance floor, like you did her, but let her know how you really feel and if she doesn't like it things will have to end.

Answer 10

nope I would not do that kind of compromise . It's like closing out all of your friends from your life ,because of her insecurities. Don't let yourself being controlled!

No your breakup was good! Don't reconsider

Answer 11

i think u did the right thing because she shouldn't asked to give up ur friend it's call controlling. now that u guys are not together anymore who do you dance with? ur friends or by yourself.