I just found out that my estranged daughter is expecting. Should I use my rights as a grandparent to see baby?

Answer 1

How can anyone here give you a good, honest answer without knowing the circumstances of your relationship with your daughter? Talk to HER.

Answer 2

First I would have to ask Why is your daughter estranged from you? And have you tried talking to her and mending whatever rift there is between the two of you before you go to that extreme. Secondly your state may not even have any Grandparents rights. You don't say anything in your question about wanting to reconnect with your daughter and having a good relationship with her again just about being able to see the baby. Just because you are a grandparent and related to the baby doesn't give you a right to be in that child's life your rights are what the parents allow you to have. If you and your daughter don't talk and try to build a better relationship then she is going to feel nothing but bitter resentment at the fact that you are forcing your way into HER CHlLD's life. And when the child is older it will pick up on that resentment, if you love your grandchild and want what is best for him or her then you need to have a good relationship with that child's parents or your grandchild may grow up to resent your for making their parent or parents unhappy.

Answer 3

There are many grandparents who will say, "I don't care about what my daughter/son does, but I care about the baby." On the one hand, that may seem reasonable when there is estrangement; but on the other, there's the "if-you-don't-care-about-me-then-why-would-you-think-I-want-my-child-to-be-involved-with-someone-who-doesn't-like-me" factor.

I think you should be more concerned with making even some partial amends with the daughter you had or adopted, and as part of that you'd get to know your grandchild. Isn't there some way you and your daughter could agree that this would be a nice time for both of you to share (her pregnancy) and that you will not talk about those things that push everyone's buttons? If you could agree to talk only about "neutral" subjects or happy subjects it would give you both a chance to start to re-build some version of a relationship (even if it can never be what a parent/daughter relationship should be)?

The reward would be that you and your daughter become "un-estranged", your grandchild would have a grandparent, and you would get to know both your own child and the child of your daughter in the future.

Babies and children have a right to have the adults in their lives be on good terms (or at least pretend to be). If someone really cares about a baby or child he/she will not disregard that baby's/child's mother and say, "I don't care about her, but I care about the baby." All parents (as long as they don't lose their legal rights) have the right to decide who will and won't be in the lives of their children.

I know a family of children where family members took the "I-care-about-the-children-but-I don't-give-a-hoot-about-their-mother" approach, and those children grew up alienated from those very family members because they grew up knowing that those people didn't care about the mother they loved so much. I think if you try to bypass your daughter and get some kind of "rights" (if, in fact, grandparents ever have any rights) to the child that child will sense the tension between you and his/her mother and grow up every bit as alienated from you as your daughter is.

Obviously, this is only an opinion. I have no way to know if I'm right or not. Just thought I'd offer the opinion in case you could use another perspective. Best wishes.

Answer 4

It's so easy to be glib when responding to questions here sometimes. I was going to rattle off a few words about repairing the rift between your daughter and yourself so you could not only be a part of the grandchild's life but in your daughter's again, too. Simple, right? BUT I do not know the size of the hurt, the extent of the damage or how bloody the battle that caused the estrangement. I am not a grandmother, but I could be, and old enough to have dozens...but I still miss my mom. Is there anything you can do to mend fences and bring the love magick back? God bless the child who's got his own...

Answer 5

You have no legal rights - if your daughter is not speaking to you - then that is that. She doesn't owe you anything. It's not like you're the Father. If you want to repair your relationship with your daughter - then do it because you love her and you miss her. Don't use a baby as leverage to what in your mind would equate as vindication. Write her a letter and tell her that you understand that she's pregnant and you're very happy for her. Tell her that you'd like to be a part of the baby's life, if she would permit it. Apologize for what you did wrong in the relationship and don't bring up any bad points about her. Take the high road and it will get you a lot farther. Send some presents for the baby, that might help. But we don't know what you did to upset your daughter - so she may not respond. It's the chance you took when you let your relationship with her slip away.

Answer 6

It makes me so sad to hear that you and your daughter do not speak. My daughter and I have such a close relationship and speak every day on the phone and see each other all the time. She now has a 5-month old son and I couldn't stand not to be in his life. I wish you and your daughter could sit down and talk. No matter what has happened in the past, it's the past. Forgive each other for whatever has happened. This is such a special time for you both. I don't think grandparents have many rights as far as that goes. Make the first effort and try to work this out. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 7

This would be a wonderful time to put the past behind the both of you! Call her and ask her out for lunch. Let her know that you will be there for her no matter what. That's what being a mother is all about. What ever it was that drove you two apart cannot be more important than rebuilding your relationship. Let her know that you really want to be in the baby's life, and will help out with babysitting on occasion when she needs a break. But most importantly, let her know you love her - always have, always will-no matter what.

Answer 8

If I were you I would get back into my daughters life. Life is too short to be estranged. I just found out my 35 year old brother had a heart attack and has to have by-pass surgery in the morning. Your daughter will want her mother through out her pregnancy. Just a thought....

Answer 9

Maybe you and your daughter can work things out. I can't imagine anything so bad to keep a mother and daughter apart. My mother and I didn't always get along, but she was still my mother no matter what. Now, that I am grown up and have a daughter and grand-daughter of my own we are all a very close family. I don't always agree with what my daughter does, but I love her unconditionally. Just try to talk to her and explain to her how important it is for you to have your grandchild in your life. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 10

You could use this time that she finds herself in a "family way" to attempt to mend fences between you, and thereby being able to spend time with / see / help care for the new baby? Perhaps now that she's becoming a mother herself, she will have a change of heart (provided she was the one who put the brakes on the relationship to begin with). Once you start using terms like, "I have rights to be able to see this baby!" she will probably become defensive and not want you to be a part of the baby's life. Offer your help / guidance / support and maybe things will get better between you.

Answer 11

I would give it some time instead of doing something as legal as using you your (rights) at this time. Maybe as time goes along your daughter will have a change of heart and want her baby to know its grandmother, if not, at least talk to your daughter first and let her know the problem is between the two of you and you would like to be able to enjoy your grandchild. Maybe she will change her mind.
Good Luck.