my mom had to leave town yesterday. so i spyed on my dad, and found out he went to spend the whole afternoon with another woman. i had suspisions before but i dont know what to do? should i tell my mom?
2007-03-28 08:26:00 · 47 answers · asked by calle trece 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh My God, I feel for you, I had this happen to me as a kid but my dad caught me spying and knew that I saw him and ask me to let him tell my mother. I never knew the outcome of him explaining himself, and I was only eight or nine, but I do know for a fact that about 2 years later when he left my mom, my next step mom was that same woman I caught him kissing. Just remember, "If God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it."
2007-03-28 08:32:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sha-Na-Na 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't just suspect something like this. You must know that he is actually cheating. Spending time with someone is suspicious but not actual proof. However, if you are sure beyond all doubt, in my opinion, your mother has a right to know. You don't have to tell her though, but as a person, she has a right to the truth, otherwise she is being lied to. Talk to someone you can trust, and most importantly ask this question, the one you posted, to other people, get other opinions from lots of different kinds of people if you can, take all opinions with a grain of salt, then MAKE YOU OWN CHOICE after thinking about the advice from different people.
In my opinion it is not your place to tell your mother just yet. It is your fathers job to fess up. you should write an anonymous letter to your father saying someone knows and that if he doesn't fess up to your mom, you (anonymous you) will in another anonymous letter to your mother. That way you avoid blame and your parents may be mad at each other, but not at you. YOU MUST AVOID BECOMING THE VICTIM and you can do that through anonymous letter.
2007-03-28 09:21:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With family matters it all depends on the family, cos we all have different ways of doing things and different things that are acceptable... but, what i would suggest is go to your father, tell him you know listen to his explanation and go from there... the thing is (and i don't agree with this, i am just aware of it) because when our parents were younger sex wasn't an open subject, sex is obviously more acceptable and rubbed in peoples faces now.... so, before they could ignore it and now it's almost impossible... i expect also that with less practice and tip grabbing from various sexual partners like we have today, the older generation's sex is probably not as satisfying as what is promoted these days... so there are understandable reasons for this but not really acceptable... tell him you know, listen to his reasoning behind it and then decide what to do... but when/if telling your mum is what you feel is right then you must tell him that he has to tell her... if he does it you leave it to them to sort out and decide what to do and if he wont tell her then maybe you have to threaten to tell her. There are films and tv shows where the mother does actually know about it but keeps a blind eye cos that's what they wanna do, so if that's the case the maybe you wil have to accept that too... but for now that doesn't really come in to it... do what you think's right and make sure YOU dont end up feeling bad about anything that happens cos it isnt you that's done anything wrong. good luck, hope it all goes well.
2007-03-28 08:42:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I can say that most people that get told of an affair become angry and take that out on the person telling them. No, I think that if you feel like you absolutely must do something, it would be to tell your dad that you have proof and you want him to come clean about it with mom and put the onus on him. The debate would be what do you do if he doesn't tell her himself? Be sure to tell him the effect it has on you. YOU feel hurt too. You are having to live with his secret and what it would do to mom.
The easiest thing to do is to follow him again without his knowledge and get proof ... a picture or something and leave it for mom to find.
2007-03-28 08:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your mother needs to know. I would confront them together. My Mom and I found out my Dad was cheating when I was in High School. I had gone away on our HS trip and called home and my Mom was crying. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but the day we came back....we drove by an apartment and found my Dad's car outside. He was supposed to be away on business for the weekend. He also had left a day early for his trip. We drove by several times that day....even saw him in the doorway kissing this woman. It is a very hard thing to see, to deal with, but it has to be discussed. Try to think straight and keep an open mind for your parents too. I don't know how old you are, but as complicated as this will be, try to lbe strong and let your parents handle this. Since you are aware of it, they need to share this with you, but give them space as well. Good Luck, I feel for you.
2007-03-28 08:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by curious mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on how old you are you can either let your father know that your know what happened and tell him he either fesses up with your mom or you will (if you are an older teenager), if you are younger you should go right to your mom. This is not something you should be responsible for keeping a secret like that from your parent. I wish you the best of luck and God Blessings.
2007-03-28 08:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's happened to me before, and it hurts. You need to confront your dad about it and tell him you know what's going on. Let him have the chance to explain it to your mom. If he promises that it will stop, and he does not want to tell your mom, give him the chance. If he does not stop, then you should go to your mom.
I found out when I was about 11 that my dad was cheating on my mom. I don't know how my mother found out, but I rememeber how upset she was. However, he promised her that he would work on it. He's kept his promise all this time, and they've been together for 25 years now.
I pray that your parents will be able to work things out, and be strong for the sake of your mom.
2007-03-28 08:35:25 · answer #7 · answered by josefa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't do anything. If you tell your mom she will think you're making it up. If you tell your dad he'll have a great excuse to tell your mother by the time she gets home and she'll probably believe him, unless she already knows and doesn't care for then thought of a divorce.
2007-03-28 08:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by ann m 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your mom has a history of mental illness or has ever attempted suicide, then do not tell her. You should deffinately confront your dad about the issue. Be warned that he'll make up an excuse, so until you photograph them of actually kissing, you don't have a solid case.
2007-03-28 08:42:12 · answer #9 · answered by J Doe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First tell your dad. Let him know that you know what is going on with him and that other lady. Dont get carried away! It might be a huge misunderstanding! Tell your dad that you are going to tell your mom because you care about her not like other people(him).
Dont worry too much because after all this is between your mom and dad. But dont forget that you are in between.
me- best answer! :)
2007-03-28 08:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by bubblezboo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋