Need some advice about my mother?

Question

I have a good relationship with husband we've been togather for 12 years and married 9.We argued like any other couple till my mother (who is not sick just needs a place to stay for right now)moved in with us now we argue alot more mostly about her.Now she thinks I have a bad marriage and that we need counseling.I don't want to hurt her feelings and be like it's all your fault we are fighting if you did not live here we would not be fighting like this.I feel my relationship with my mother has already been damaged to a point that it's going to take alot to fix this fight might just make it unfixable.I've always had a great relationship with my mother till now and would like to one day have that again.What do you think I should do tell her the truth or just stay quit till she moves out in a couple of months

Answer 1

Oh boy, that's hard. It was really hard for me to adjust when my mother in law was moving in. And at the time, she was coming and she was going to help me with my 4 kids. And it ended up that 24 hours after we moved her in, she had to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with lung cancer. She only lived for about 5 months, and she stayed with us the whole time.

It was causing my husband and me stress and anxiety like you couldn't believe, well maybe YOU know. But on top of that, she seemed too young to be dying, she was depressed, my husband was depressed, and I had a lot of anxiety and was with her the most, plus 4 kids. Toughest thing I ever did in my life. I was having a tough time with it in the beginning, before she even moved in, and we have always been very close. And it was still difficult to adjust our lives and do it.

Now with your mother, she isn't sick, she's healthy, so you need to talk to her. I personally think no matter how close two women are, they cannot share a kitchen.

It's one women's home, and when you put them together, even if they're extremely close, it will become tense, one will wind up stepping on the other's toes, it will get more and more difficult as time goes by.

Maybe you could say that you fear if you stay in this living arrangement, it will damage your relationship, and you don't want to see that happen. She's used to you being the child, and her being in charge. Now it's the other way around and it's probably hard for her to accept, even though she's in your home.

A couple of months could feel like a very very long time if everyone is unhappy. I hope you'd be able to talk to her and she could understand without just feeling like you want to get rid of her. If you couldn't do that, maybe you should at least let her know the stress it's causing you and your husband, and that is the reason you two are fighting. Maybe she'll back off a little bit.

Answer 2

I feel you should tell her the truth and get her out of there and see if there is another way you can help her. Just because her and your husband don't get along you should not be in the middle because it is a no win situation for you or them. Your strong relationship with you mother will always be there and hopefully in time she will understand. Good luck

Answer 3

I think you should do both. Being honest with her will help you get over the bitterness felt or any resentment that may come from this situation. You and husband may need to have a sit down b/c I'm sure you know marriage is about compromise, understanding, and commitment! Over years we seem to get a little comfortable and forget all we promised to our spouse. The solutions starts with you two and then with her.

Answer 4

That's one reason why it's never a good idea to let relatives live with you, it will eventually put a strain on your marriage. Your mother should know this being the older one and try to make things as pleasant as possible. Speak your mind and point this out.

Answer 5

Tell her the truth or by the time she moves out in a couple of months, you might not have a marriage. She is in your home, while she is your Mother, she is still in your home and in your business.

Answer 6

This is not going to work.... if you want to keep your marriage intact you must get your mother out of your house..Mothers will always find the worst in the partner her "baby daughter" sets up home with..tell her outright why you are rowing with your partner..hurt her if necessary..but do it..This is the only way of showing her that your love is stronger for your partner than her apron strings..