I want to protect my unborn child???am i wrong??

Question

My hubby and i have been married almost 4.5 yrs and i am 23 yrs old he is 29.We were seperated for 8 months due to fighting i felt he was pressuring me to become pregnant and a stay at home mom which i was not ready for at all so i kept taking the pill.During the seperation i started seeing my ex.bf and first everything from highschool. I ended it because he was a newly wed. I just found out i am 4 months pregnant but my hubby and i did not get back together till 2 months ago.This was a complete accident, I dont want my child be born into drama.My ex. bf is not the most mature or moral guy i am worried what type of parent he would make if i told him. We have a strange relationship that has included some flings in the past and dating.How can i protect my unborn child from this mess?

If my hubby and i divorce over this i only just started working a year ago after graduating college so i only make 50 grand a year.I would need finiancial help from my ex.bf.?

hubby will likely file for divorce when he finds out and our apartment sold.

We just moved to N.Y.C it's very expensive here.

Answer 1

It was an accident you caused though. To say you don't want a baby born into this drama is great, but you should have thought of that before you did anything.

Be honest with your husband and your exboyfriend. Tell them what's happened.

The best thing you can do to protect your unborn child is to do what is best for the child. Do you need to divorce your husband? Do you need to give your child to a loving couple through adoption?

First thing, TALK to both men and tell them what happened. It's better the drama happen now than later.

Answer 2

Can you support me? I only earn 24k per year... JKidding!

Back to your dilemma. This is definitely a trial for you! It is good of you to protect your child; you said that you were on bcpills with your hubby, but got preggy w/old bf? Hmmm. Your hubby MUST know about this; even though you may want to crawl under a rock - you will have to face it fairly quickly since you're probably going to show very soon.

I would suggest that you find some place safe & special to tell him about this. In privacy or in public; whichever is safer or more comfortable for you. Have some trusted friend or family member present? Maybe. But your hubby needs to know that you regret this trist with the old beau and that the old beau is GONE and has NO knowledge of the child. You want to start ANEW with your hubby, and the child will be his on both paper and eventually in time through love.

You also may see if he wants to adopt the baby out, but I am hoping that he loves you enough to overlook your slip-up and is willing to move on with the pregnancy like it is biologically his. This happens all throughout history; biology is not all it is cracked up to be - children grow under love - biological factors enter in when it comes to general health, and that baby is 1/2 yours - so hubby has to see the child as being a part of YOU and not dwell on the child being 1/2 of some old studd.

You might find that hubby has more of a problem dealing with the "infidelity" factor than the child's conception. If that be the case, then now is the time to check into re-building up your credibility with him. He will naturally not trust you on the same level again, so you will spend the next X-number of years working on gaining back his trust & love. That's going to be the toughest mountain to climb, not the child's birth.

Check into counseling ASAP to help salvage your marriage; find a counselor that believes in marriage (doesn't just sit there and ask dumb questions) and will help you two fight for bringing your marriage back stronger. And if you BOTH work on it with full hearts, your marriage will come back and it will come back stronger. And the central guidance of God will be needed, also. Sometimes, we just need to ask for His help and strength. So, if you do not have a church, find one that is very pro-marriage, and has counseling available for you.

This child needs acceptance by both of you; no regrets EVER. This child never need know of his/her beginnings. This child needs to have two adult, mature, committed and loving parents to help him/her through the teen years, and no interruptions for any "mistakes" need to be known unless a health issue comes up that needs to be addressed.

Ban the old ex boyfriend from your life in ALL communications from this point forward; no acceptions! He was nothing more than a sperm-donor and your hubby is going to be the DAD, which is what parenting is all about. Right?

032807 2:37

Answer 3

I think you already messed up your child's life by giving him a less than desirable father and you're blaming everyone else except yourself, the right thing to do is for you to accept responsibility for your stupidity by being completely honest with both your husband and boyfriend and accept the consequences of your choice.I hope you learn that no matter what others do,you do not have to follow.Get everything settled now before the baby is born and always be honest with yourself and those around you.

Answer 4

Sorry but your just going to have to make the best of this situation. If you want to get back with hubby you will have to tell him (obviously if you didn't sleep with him when you got pregnant) You will have to tell the boyfriend, too. There will be a lot more drama if you keep this from your child and boyfriend and the child finds out years later and hates you!!!

Answer 5

I don't mean to be outspoken when saying this but, you made your bed and now you must lie in it.

You are responsible for your own actions and with in actions, comes consequences. Have to face it as you did this to your own life. You made the choice to sleep with your ex bf, who supposely is not "mature or moral guy" and at same time, become pregnant, all together risk a marriage and the child's destiny as a family unit.

Have to come out and step forward to say "I'm pregnant with my ex's baby". This allows the guy to step up and be a dad, or this allows your husband to help you work out the rocky marriage, recommended counseling. or, both disappear and you are left for adoption or single parenthood.

You have to place this child before your own emotional needs now.

If this ex is not good enough of a moral/mature guy, then what made him so "good enough" to sleep with?

Think about it.

Would you blame your husband for wanting to leave after his wife is carring her ex's baby? It's a tough situation for him to be in. I do recommend you two working it out, but don't make it where the baby is born in drama.

Answer 6

K wait a minute....

You're married and screwed around...

And the guy you screwed around with is a newlywed?

Did I get that right?

And you're saying that your exboyfriend isn't the most mature or moral guy??

Well I guess it takes one to spot one huh?

50K a year is enough.

You've got bigger problems than money.

In the future, you can protect your child from messes like these by using your head and practicing common sense, not to mention safe sex.

You made your bed (or your ex's bed)...now lay in it. Fess up and move on and make due.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

You can raise a baby on 50 grand as a single mom in many areas, not maybe LA or New York, but outside there. Find a good daycare and adjust your standard of living, may have to move.

Answer 8

Seems like your in drama now. Im so sry girl. The truth is the only thing that will set you free. I mean you cant get back w/ your husband & pretend that your baby is his if its not. That wouldnt be a good idea but, i see your issue. Just tell the truth to both of them & go from there. Good luck!

Answer 9

Well, you already made your choice when you slept with your ex bf, so buck it up and TALK to your husband. You might be lucky enough that he truly loves you and wants to raise this baby. Either way -- you need to take responsibility for this baby -- 50k or not. Your last question of "how can I protect my unborn child from this mess" -- you can't, one way or another, he WILL find out in time.

Answer 10

Well, you really do need to talk to both men about it, and then see what happens and go on from there.

I know that you said that you only make 50K per year - that is PLENTY to raise a child as a single mother. I had to raise my daughter on 15K-25K per year, with no child support, no welfare, no help (except from family for food and clothes - birthday gifts and the occasional emergency help). You will do a fine job on 50K per year.