do i move in with my girlfriend...? expanded (do i really love her?)?

Question

i realize that the latter question placed next to the former makes for a fairly obvious answer. but bare with me for a moment...

i signed up for a screen name so i could specifically try to ask these questions. and i feel like my idealism has been lost.

i dont know if others experience this but i have a strong attachment to a first love. nothing has been the same since her. before i met her and when i was with her i was so ideal, so spontaneous, i always had my head in the clouds and i loved it. we broke up a few years ago and thats that, period.

ive been with someone for two years now. i completely care about her and tell her i love her, but its not the same as my first love. i love her because shes sweet, we have things in common, we care about each other, do things for one another. but those feeling of blind love, fate, and idealism are lacking.

is it the person or have i just grown up?

btw, its her first relationship so im watching her go through those feelings of first love.

Answer 1

I've been in your shoes before, so don't worry, this is pretty normal. One thing to think about is, what made that first relationship so special? My first relationship was special because we always gave each other small gifts, for example. He would leave a sweet card on my car at school, bring me dinner to work when I didn't have a break, etc. Doing these things kept the relationship exciting, which I like. Then I started doing these kinds of things with my new boyfriend, and as a result, he started doing the same sort of things for me. It really is true that what you give in to a relationship, you will reap. You can never replace your first love because they were your first. But don't forget about all of the reasons that you are not together. Don't ruin your present and future by dwelling on the past...we tend to make things better when they are over/gone. Enjoy your new relationship, it is what you make of it. If you are not happy, maybe you are not putting in the work that you should be, or maybe you aren't meant to be with this girl, but until you get over the last relationship, you won't be happy with anyone. In any event, get this worked out before moving in....don't hurt her as a result of you being unsure.

Answer 2

ok........well i sincerely believe that in order to take suck a giant step...and it is giant from the point of view that it will dictate your daily life for however long the living arrangements may last....you should be totally and head over heels in love.
I am saying this for your gf but mainly for you.
Do you perhaps feel pressured by her into making this move?If so, bare in mind that you will hurt her far worse by breaking it up having lived together rather than at least delaying things now until you feel ready.At the end of the day, if you are asking this question on the net...you ain't ready babe.
Personally, I need to be totally in love with someone and and feel a burning passion for them at the start of the relationship,to consider something like this. I realize that those feelings may not last but I need at least to start correctly.
Last but not least.......look before you leap.
Best of luck my friend.

Answer 3

Of course your feelings would be different towards her than what you had with your first love. By the sounds of things, you have matured.

Answer 4

move in after u marry her