Is "brown" an insult?

Question

My 4-year-old daughter has two friends named Suzie- one is caucasion (who she's known her whole life), the other is of Indian heritage (who she's recently met). To differentiate between the two, she says "Suzie" or "My brown Suzie." She says it as simply as if she was saying "My blonde Suzie." My question is: should I make her stop? I'm afraid if I tell her it's not nice to say that, she will somehow think that being brown is bad, and I don't want that. But I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, particularly the "brown Suzie's" family. Should I just ignore it?

Answer 1

maybe use the first letter of her last name for ex. have her say "suzie m.".... hope that helps!

Answer 2

I wouldn't take offense to it. It is just the innocence of a child. They may notice the difference in skin tone, but she's still not aware of the difference in race. Too bad we all can't be like 4-year olds. As long as she is not calling Suzie "my brown Suzie" to her face (because that could make a child feel a little alienated), then I think its fine.

Answer 3

yep, that sounds like a 4 year old.

i agree with you in that you don't want to tell her to stop, but maybe you can help her identify a better way to differentiate between the two suzies.

how about teaching her that when know more than one person with the same name then, it's good manners to use their last name.
like, i know a john Q. and a john M.

so, how about teaching her to call the "brown suzie" suzie "insert initial of last name here"....

that would solve the issue and it would teach her a lesson in etiquette!

hope this helps!

take care.

Answer 4

I think you should not allow her to say this. I'm not big on offense when it comes to the "right" terminology myself, but I know that you can never tell who will take things personally and you don't want to offend anyone. Parents are usually blamed for any behaviour that is perceived as "wrong" so don't take the heat on this one and teach your suzie to differentiate perhaps by last name letters instead. Be sure to explain to her why you are making her do this and she will be getting an early lesson in social taboos because they exist.

Answer 5

I think it's perfectly harmless. My adopted daughter is biracial, and she refers to herself as brown. If "brown Suzie's" family doesn't like it, then you might help her find another way to distinguish the two girls, but as long as she's showing only friendly feelings toward Indian Suzie, I wouldn't worry about it at all. It's kinda cute, but then I'm white, and don't know if Indians or African-Americans would find it offensive or not.

Answer 6

I guess it depends on her family. I'm native and I call myself brown, lol. Maybe you could have your daughter say the initial of their last name, like Suzie G. and Suzie L.

Answer 7

I don't think it is a big deal, she's only 4. When my son was 4 he said that one kid in his class lived in china (she was Asian) They're so innocent. Maybe you could explain that people have last names and she could use those because there may be other "brown Suzie's" out there and then how would we know who was who?

Answer 8

I think people are too hung-up on worrying about offending someone by using their color as a descriptive term. If I were the only white woman in a room full of black people, I certainly wouldn't be offended if someone pointed me out as "the white woman". This would make a lot more sense than saying "the woman with the green dress and black shoes".
There is nothing offensive about a persons skin color - be it black, white or brown. I think it's perfectly natural for a child to deferentiate on a most obvious difference - nothing shameful.

Answer 9

If Suzie called her White, would you worry? Its is good that you allow her to have friends of all races. I wish the rest of the World felt the same way.

Answer 10

well one thing you can do is what ever their last name is call them suzy A, and Suzy B. then nobody will get their feeling hurt and then you are not teaching your child different skin colors to name people.