I have often wonder if my husband's child is truly his. He has had doubt as well but, say he can not have a dna test done because if he is not his son then he will not be able to have anything to do with him and he doesn't won't to see him hurt. My husband has blue eyes, and my stepson's mother has blue eyes but, my stepson's eyes are brown, I just often wonder. I love him and take care of him as my own, he even has fought the courts to live with us full time because he does not care to live with his mom. Should I let it go and just enjoy everyday regardless, as long as it does not bother my husbad?
2007-03-28 06:58:08 · 24 answers · asked by true2b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
GET A DNA TEST!!!
I think that your husband should simply take his own DNA and the boy's and have a DNA test.
It is just important to know. If your husband is not sure this boy is his biological child, how can he even be sure the boy is his ex-wife's biological child? There have been many cases of baby-switching at hospitals... what if your husband's biological son is being raised by another family?
You just don't know, that is the point! A DNA test will show the boy IS your husband's (and put to rest all questions) or show he IS NOT your husbands (thus opening up a lot of other questions, such as is this a case of the mother cheating or the hospital switching babies?). It will then be up to the 2 of you if/when/how anything you learn is shared with the boy.
A DNA test can be done completely outside of the court system and thus not effect your husband's involvement in the boy's life. Private Laboratories offer DNA testing for about $200.00 per sample, you can do it through the mail, and it requires NO BLOOD. (They mail you a little tooth-brush-like thing you use to brush the inside of your cheek, you mail it back, they mail you the results). It is cheap, painless, and easy.
I agree with everyone who posted that you should continue to share a parent/child relationship... however, HONESTY is the foundation of any healthy relationship. AND, for many reasons a person has a right to know where they come from biologically. I don't think this should change the love between you, any more than adoption does... but a person's biological origin is an important part of them that shouldn't be hidden. The boy has a right to know his biological roots, and should have a chance to know his family medical history and to meet his biological parents (whether that is your husband or not). He isn't going to forget who it is who raised him and loved him. Especially if you continue to do so regardless of the DNA results!!!
2007-03-28 07:17:36 · answer #1 · answered by Heather L 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow... that's a toughie.....
Looking at it from the outside view ME personally would let it go. You love this boy, and you've cared for him for so long.
I understand that your husband would be hurt and devastated to the least, but what would be the difference between the boy being his or if he was adopted?
Love is unconditional.... If you love this child, then you love him. I don't know how a parent could EVER want nothing to do with a child after so long.....
Besides it's not his fault that the mother might have slept around.
As for the eye color.... Honestly I don't' think it means a thing. It's the dominate jean that will determine the color of eyes, hair, ext....
My example~ My mom told me this when I was in the hospital a while ago. She said that my grandma was A+, my grandpa was B- but yet my mom came out O- which is a extremely rare bld type. How does that work?
Any way, look in "YOUR" boys brown eyes, and ask yourself if you could ever not love him just because of someone else mistake?
Enjoy the life you have, and if he calls your husband DAD and your husband calls him SON.... why change it???
2007-03-28 07:30:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, you and your husband both agree that you won't feel the same about the boy if you find out he isn't his and you also are adamant that you don't want the boy hurt and you are there for the boy in every way. Enjoy the blessing that God gave you (even if not biologically).
By the way, I don't believe there is a way for two blue eyed parents to produce a brown eyed child but you could ask those questions of your family doctor the next time you go for a regular visit without the boy present. May God Bless you all and I wish you continued good luck.
2007-03-28 07:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the DNA for you and your husband then get back to loving the boy.If the test comes out bad, your husband will just have to take the boy fishing more often and hunting and to the races etc. Don't make the DNA known to anyone at all. Not even the fact that it was done no matter the result. Your last sentence could easily be the bottom line.
2007-03-28 07:39:58 · answer #4 · answered by Kenny Ray 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go, the person to be hurt in all of this is the child! He has grown up all this time thinking this is his father and if ever someone needs a kidney or blood tranfusion and he finds out in that way then fine, but to do this to because of doubt and then find out he isn't your husbands, then you have your husband hurt, the child hurt and a can of worms to deal with. And if you do this and he is his child, you will still have a broken a thread in the cord of the relationship. If he is with you all and safe, and loved and you are receiving the respect and honor, then what does it matter? He raised him and fed him long enough to make him his and by the way, the other preson if there is one, is just a sperm donor not a father your husband is the father.
2007-03-28 07:04:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible for blue-eyed parents to produce brown eyes children, see the USA article below. And if it doesn't bother your husband that be careful, his ex-wife might think you're butting in and this isn't really your place. Sounds like finding out painful truths might just harm your stepson even more and since you love him, it wouldn't be best to put him in a position where his mom can fight for him back. Besides, true parents are not always genetic. My stepdad has done far more for me and I love him more than the deadbeat who left when I was a kid.
2007-03-28 07:07:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not mention the child's age, or how many years you and your husband have been a part of this boy's life....but you should stop obsessing about it! For one thing if your husband wants the child in his life as his son it is not your call to request a DNA test...or even question it. It is possible for blue eyed parents to have a brown eyed child. And you claim to love this child...that is what being a parent is about not biology...just let it be!
2007-03-28 07:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by Becky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Based on basic biology class years ago I can tell you the odds of 2 blue eyed parents having a brown eyed child are very rare.
BUT - Your husband has been this boy's father all his life. The DNA evidence could destroy all of that. Heck, chances are the SUGGESTION of a DNA test could hurt their relationship. Is it really worth it?
Enjoy your step-son and do the best you can for him. Regardless of biology - he CHOSE to live with you and your husband - that makes him yours as well.
2007-03-28 07:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by Mary J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because the eyes are a different color does not mean the child could not be his. Does he love this child? I ask because most fathers will still be a part of the child's life even if the kid is not his. He need to go ahead and take the test. Find closure.
2007-03-28 07:05:08 · answer #9 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it go. At this point, certainly having a loving home and parents who give him a good environment in which to live is more important than heredity. It does sound like it's very possible that the boy is not your husband's, but why break up what could be a very happy family and turn the boy over to a life of uncertainty?
2007-03-28 07:03:35 · answer #10 · answered by Exhaustus Maximus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋