Children of divorce. I need help.?

Question

My 8 yr old daughter has severe abandonment issues. Her father has been in & out of prison since she was born. I have since remarried & we have a very happy home. Her father, however, is still in & out of her life. Now, she has issues with me leaving her. She knows how much I love her & that I would never leave, but she gets scared to death anytime she doesn't know exactly where I am. I can't afford therapy right now, but I don't like seeing her stress as much as she does. What can I do to help her? I have 2 other children as well, so I don't have as much time to sit & talk as I'd like. She stresses over many other things as well.

I do spend plenty of time with all 3 of my children. They are very loved. Hugged, kissed, etc. They are told 15 times a day, at least, how much we love them. When asked if I will ever leave her, she says "no". But that doesn't stop her from thinking about the possibility.

Answer 1

Sometimes school counselors can help you out. If your children attend public schools they always have a counselor on staff. Perhaps it would help to have the counselor talk to your daughter about what SHE thinks is going to happen, what might happen, etc. to give you a better grasp of how to approach her wtih the matter. 8 years old is an age where the child is old enough to really understand what's going on and to form ideas as to what might happen. Their imaginations can run wild. My stepdaughter had problems really explaining her feelings; we bought her several books from The American Girl Library. Here is the link to one of the best books that I think could really help you and your daughter out:

http://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Book-Emotions-Paperback-Unnumbered/dp/1584855282

She can fill it out and while she does, it gives her a chance to see her emotions on paper- and to start to understand how to deal wtih them. Best of luck!

Answer 2

I know this can feel like an overwhelming situation for you with 2 other kids as well, but its your daughther and you just have to make time and show her how much you love her and that mommy will always be there for her no matter what. You need to hug her and tell her that you love her and not just once but as a routine and start spending more time with her. Children feel good and special that way because it is very easy for them to put blame on themselves if they are hurt and wonder if something is wrong with themselves. They need very tender nurturing and care and only then they will feel at ease and begin to grow up as positive, strong, happy people who are kind and considerate to others. They learn what they see. I know you are doing the best you can and am sure you will do great! Good Luck.. my prayers are with you!

Answer 3

I would get her therapy no matter what. I don't understand why she would stress so much if you have always been there for her and the dead beat dad has always been a dead beat dad. My daughter has a "father" who has always been in and out of her life also and the only thing she ever stresses about is if he's going to call this year for visitation. She doesn't like to go and stay with him cuz she misses her real family and her friends.

Answer 4

Dont spoil her, as the other children may resent it later, but do make sure to be there for her a little more. And remember the little things. Have secrets just between the two of you. Make up a magical place or a safe zone for her to feel secure in. and maybe whisper words of strength in her ear. Share her dreams with her and build something so strong in her mind that she may carry it for a life time.

Answer 5

When you stop giving her special treatment for having an abandoning birth father is when she will stop begging for special treatment for it.

I am stepmom to two kids who don't get to see the other side of their family much. They had those issues too. They were so nervous about abandonment when we first took custody. But after almost 2 years of talking about the future... being old and senile... graduations... future babies... weddings...deaths... how long they get to live with us... I said as long as they want... (yesterday they said... "will you and dad die?" I said, yes... and you will say "thank goodness I don't have to feed them applesauce every night anymore!" Everybody laughed!) Maybe try to talk more about the future instead of the past.

Answer 6

Divorce hurts the youngsters. No thank you to get around it. (different than in the event that they are being overwhelmed or taken care of/uncovered to undesirable issues) yet, maximum divorces I even have seen are out of organic selfishness on the area of one or the different, or the two. Divorce is high-quality whilst there are actually not young ones, yet as quickly as a toddler comes into the dating, the duty to maintain the marriage jointly differences. that toddler merits a mom and a dad as long because of the fact the toddler is in the domicile; 18 - 19 years. everyone pondering divorce would desire to provide it lots of time, counseling, communicate, and attempt to deliver themselves jointly with the objective to maintain the family contributors jointly. maximum of those divorced with young ones have not have been given any concept how depressing and extreme priced divorce would be. maximum all I even have seen convince themselves that the youngsters are purely high-quality. As time is going on, issues replace and there is consistent annoyance, scuffling with, attorneys....and the youngsters are caught in the midsection.

Answer 7

you may not have money for a therapist, but your medical insurance my cover a child psychologist with a co-pay only. Just tell the psych, you are only interested in natural ways to help your daughter and have no interest in anti-deppressants.

You should still try to set aside a date for just you and her though, have a friend or your husband watch the kids while you two go out for ice cream and have a mom and daughter talk.

Answer 8

my friend was in a similar situation not too long ago...she thought her daughter(my god-daughter) was having a hard time with abandonment issues too i'm sad to say we only wish it was abandonment issues..we found out her older stepbrother(14) was molesting her she was 7 at the time...please talk to her and make sure nobody at home or school is bothering her....best wishes!

Answer 9

well if you love your kids you need to sit and talk to them.. i kno what she is feeling i kind of went threw what she is feeling too... and the one thing that i hated is me parent did not take time of to be with me.. i felt invisible and that they would not care if they just left me.. so i got scared if they just lefy me and did not care//. talk to your child even if you are busy... take the time to be like a best friend to her!... kids are always the number one thing in a parents life!

Answer 10

just try to show her that you'll always be there fo her when she needs you.if she says she needs to talk don't put it off stop and talk to her.