Ive been with this man for almost 3yrs. Love him and don't want to loose him. But we have issues. Mine are trust mainly. I have caught him in alot of things, not cheating persay..but, writing emails to other woman, ect.. I have a very hard time trusting him. I feel i have been let down alot. Im sure i have let him down too. Things that I have found really hurt me. I have told him in the past over and over that he doesn't have to hide the fact that he gets or sends emails to old girlfriend-friends. But the other day he recieved one and wrote back and forth with her. The part that hurt me is he deletes all incoming and outgoing from her. Well I did see them on her last reply and there wasn't anything (bad) in them but to me it seems sneaky. He cant tell me an old friend got in touch with him. Ive told him when he hides it, it makes it worse and I wonder. Am I wrong for snooping in his emails and seeing what he is doing all the time? Should I give him his privacy? do i have that right?
2007-03-28 05:42:13 · 14 answers · asked by felinashere 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I personaly dont think you are wrong. You have obviously told him that he does not need to hide emails from you because it makes it worse. You communicated your emotions with him and he fails to understand you. You have been with him for 3 years for God's sake you have every right to know who you are with. A similiar experience happened to me with my ex-boyfriend. Back in Jan I found a whole bunch of emails to his "friends" and even ex'girlfriend. All the time he told me that he didnt talk to anybody else (********) well like you said its not that I read alot of stuff but him lying and deleting emails too raised a concern. Well I broke up with him. Then we talked and got back together again in the beggining of March (bad mistake) well same thing he told me that he did talk to some of his friends but they were friends from his high school, whatever I was like cool. Well the ******* didnt know that I had his email passoword so here I am happy for about 2 weeks then the emails again to new girls, girls he was flirting with telling them he didnt have a girlfriend. It was terrible he broke my heart, but I finally ended the relationship. He will never change, so I guess I dont see you as doing anything wrong. You are just looking out for yourself and a heart break its only natural. Try and talk to him again, tell him that there is no need to hide stuff that he is making you think that he is cheating and if he continues there is definately something sneaky going on. I hope not...
God Bless
2007-03-28 05:57:43 · answer #1 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a smart women...there is something here and it's causing you doubts for good reason.
This is what he is, he will not get better after marriage. Clearly he likes to flirt and is thinking about cheating. All the signs are there, that you have open eyes and are willing to see them speaks well of you. Problem is that you now have a choice, to move ahead or dump him. You are wrong for snooping, but the fact is he only has some right to privacy. He gave up most of that when he became exclusive with you. You have a right to know what is going on with him and any other women. He does not have a right to hid that from you.
I would move on if I were you, the signs are clearly there. He will cheat on you in the future if he hasn't already done so. No guy is looking around that much without some intent behind it.
Your choice, but you have been warned...
2007-03-28 12:51:46 · answer #2 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are wrong for snooping in his e-mails.
When you spy on him, you are showing him that you have crossed boundaries for his privacy and respect. If he wasn't cheating on you before you did this, he may feel pushed to do so now because he knows you don't trust him anyway.
Plus he might start resenting you for being so possessive, just because you are with someone does not mean you are entitled to controlling their actions.
When people are committed to each other they should want to prove that they have nothing to hide, and not be forced to.
Sounds like you need to stop being so focused on everything he does, he will think you are too needy and this will only drive him into the arms of another woman.
Get a life of your own... Make him wonder what you are doing for a change.
2007-03-28 13:13:03 · answer #3 · answered by anosey1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one...because I think everyone needs a little bit of privacy and friends, partners, spouses should respect that.
However, having said that, if your guy is aware that you have some trust issues, and that you need some sort of reassurance, and IF HE IS NOT DOING ANYTHING DECEPTIVE BEHIND YOUR BACK, then he should have no issues showing you his e-mails and correspondences.
Is this a control issue on his end? Perhaps your end? Maybe there really isn't anything going on, but he feels that he shouldn't have to disclose his e-mail correspondence (tug of war with ego, control).
Whatever the issue may really be, I would suggest that you two sit down and have a true heart-to-heart talk.
2007-03-28 12:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by Strawberry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the most important factor of a relationship. Without it there would be fighting every moment. Talk to him, yes i suppose snooping in his emails seems wrong, but that only proves that you dont trust him enough. Be honest, let him know that you have looked at his emails, and apologize for that, but let him know that it bothers you to see that he's been keeping this suspicious contact with her. Let him know that you have been hurt and you want to know that this is a real bond you have with him, and you dont want to lose it. Good Luck!!
2007-03-28 12:57:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if my man can't walk out the door, or talk on the phone without me wondering where is he? what's he doing? Then I have a trust issue. Now, why do I have a trust issue?? Did he create this issue? Is this an issue I have from my past?
My view-
If i can't trust my man because of things he's done, then I don't need him around. But if it's because of my issues, then i need to get help.
2007-03-28 12:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by krazyshadowkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong for snooping, but not wrong in your thinking he's sneaking around. There shouldn't be a reason for him to hide anything from you. You need to either dump him and find someone who doesn't make you question him or you can put up with his crap. You make the choice here. He can't seem to let go of his past and as long as you continue to put up with it, he'll continue to do so. Thank you and good luck.
2007-03-28 12:49:31 · answer #7 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to trust him! If you don't have trust you don't have anything. But there is a reason why he keep deleting the messages from his former girlfriends, find out what it is!!!
He might be still seeing them or he could be talking to them about you or they might just be going through something and they need his help!!! Find out and ask don't continue to snoop around.
2007-03-28 12:51:47 · answer #8 · answered by Ash Kat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep telling him that you really don't mind him replying to his friends but just not try to hide it as that makes the trust factor go away. Make him understand very clearly and be serious. That's the only way.
2007-03-28 12:48:33 · answer #9 · answered by Cant stop thinking 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he acts like there is something to hide, then maybe he wishes there was. I don't know him or your relationship, but he doesn't have much respect for you to put your mind at ease, nor do you have the respect for him to give him his space. Careful, sweety your playing with fire!
2007-03-28 12:49:09 · answer #10 · answered by TootsieGirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋