At House 11....
Sitting there in ash and mascara,
Learning guitar with a beautiful stranger,
Never thought I'd be doing that at six am.
Dreadlocks fall around his face,
As he teaches me chords on a double bass.
But I wasnt there for music lessons,
Infact I don't know why I was there at all.
2007-03-28 05:38:20 · 15 answers · asked by Lindsay T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I liked it too but it should have been longer....seems like a dream...but i give you a A- for it being so damn short...i was really getting into it lol please finished it I wanna know what else happened
2007-03-28 05:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by sexsired 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. It really depends on what you were shooting for. If it was a short hiku type poem, then I think you hit the mark.
I liked it but thought you could've taken it farther. But then, I tended to write epic poems...
A~
2007-03-28 13:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by BigMac2xk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was excellent and agreed with most that I'd have like to see more. Keep up the writing! You have a gift.
2007-03-28 13:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by pgmaxtwo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good but too short. There is nothing to it. You paint a great picture in the readers mind but you need a climax to it.
2007-03-28 12:41:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it kool man. but check out this:
i do believe in god above,
created you for me to love.
he picked you from all the rest,
because he knew i'll love you best.
i had a heart and it was true,
but now it's gone from me to you.
so take care of it as i have done,
becuase you have two,
and i have none.
what u think.
2007-03-28 12:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by bigshot_2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Save it and work on it a little more. Try using metaphors to improve your creativity.
2007-03-28 12:46:10 · answer #6 · answered by ♫ Melody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! THAT WAS TOTALLY RELATABLE! BRILLIANT!! I LOVE IT!
1 being the worst and 10 being the BEST, i give u a 20~!!!
2007-03-28 12:42:07 · answer #7 · answered by BabyPosh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that it should be longer. It's your poem... but I was just beginning to imagine myself there... and then it ended.
2007-03-28 12:42:00 · answer #8 · answered by SoulRebel79 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish it was longer, because i was kinda getting into the story.
2007-03-28 12:40:49 · answer #9 · answered by iCantAidYou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad, Lindsay. Not bad at all. In fact I like it!
2007-03-28 12:43:28 · answer #10 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋