I was miserable for many years and then made a horrible mistake in getting involved with another woman. We did not have "sex", but it was still terribly inappropriate. My wife found out, filed for divorce and has not spoken to me in almost ten months. I confessed to her and asked her to forgive me but she has refused. I know I cannot "make" her forgive me, and as a Christian she feels divorce is justified under scripture. She simply tells people that she will never trust me again and refuses all suggestions of reconciliation. We have a 5 year old daughter who is a terrible victim in all of this and my heart is broken for my daughter. I felt complete shame for what I did, but have made my peace with God. I want to restore this marriage for the sake of my daughter and I know I can be kind and loving to my wife.
2007-03-28 05:17:26 · 18 answers · asked by crhdj20 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The adultery is a symptom, not the problem. The marriage was bad (miserable) for years before that. You must find a suitable marriage partner and co-parent effectively with your ex...
2007-03-28 05:22:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Very difficult, I know. I was addicted to pornography for many years and was almost divorced because of it, and yes Scripturally she has the right to do so. There is a clause though, and that clause is that if you are willing to work through the problems, then she is not Scripturally justified in divorce. But are you willing?
The first step has been taken. You told her. The next step is getting help, even if she isn't willing to listen. Find a Christian councilor and talk to them about your problem (and I dare say that it is probably an addiction - a chemical addiction).
If you are truly growing through counceling, and it will take a while, then it is possible that your wife will open up to you. If she is truly praying and asking the Lord's advice, then the Lord will show her your truthfullness or your lies in counceling. Try to be the best Christian man you can be. Pick up every book you find on being a good father and husband. Start off by reading 'Every Man's Battle' and 'Every Man, God's Man.'
Do not restore the marriage for the sake of your daughter though, that will only lead to a later divorce. Instead, restore your marriage for the sake of your wife and your love to her. Biblically speaking, your priorities are you and God, you and your wife, you and your family, you and work. Make sure they are in that order.
2007-03-28 05:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by justin singleton 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are praying for your marriage continue to pray. Also, if your church has marriage counseling perhaps you should make an appointment with your pastor and hopefully she'll come too.
However dude let's be real for a minute. You can't treat a Woman of God any kind of way. If she has served YOU and hasn't spoken to you in 10 mos, that might be it. Plus, if you're a repeat offender that's it. And if you are a non-believer and she's a believer, that might be it. She may feel she has no incentive to stay.
However God has the final say. If He knows you are sincere He can make it happen. Even if you have to grant divorce you can always marry a second time :)
Get it RIGHT next time, Mister. Peace and Blessings to your family :)
2007-03-28 05:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by hyrlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once the "five-year-old [son]" in this story.
My father committed adultery and hid it for several years. My mother's suspicions grew and grew until he finally confessed. The adultery definitely hurt, but the hiding hurt even more. She was too hurt to forgive, and he was too proud to go the extra mile. He thought "I did what I was supposed to. I confessed, repented and asked for forgiveness. What more can I do?"
What he didn't realize is that trust is something that must be earned, not given. By confessing and repenting, you have taken the necessary first step. Now you must continue to show love and care towards your wife and your daughter no matter what happens. Under normal circumstances, you would be justified in becoming angry and defensive when she gives you the cold shoulder, but when conjugal trust has been destroyed, you are forced to take the "high road" and give her the benefit of the doubt 101 times out of 100. You can never do "too much" to show her you love her and want to save the marriage.
Maybe you could request that she just put off the divorce for 6 months, so that the two of you can prepare your daughter for what will happen. The worst part for a kid is to see a household suddenly split apart without warning. During these 6 "trial months", you will reconcile your differences and hopefully, she will forgive you. Even after she has forgiven you, though, you still need to regain her trust. You will have to work on that for at least 2 years afterwards.
2007-03-28 05:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it's up to the person who feels betrayed to want to continue the marriage. Not sure what happened between you and the other women, but if your wife feels you transgressed, there's really nothing you can do besides pray. Staying in a marriage for the sake of the child is not a good idea, because the child is 1) old enough to know who you are (in the case of visitation rights) and 2) can pick up on something wrong between "mommy and daddy".
This is the wisdom behind Islam forbidding men and women being with some one they have no business being with (opposite sex).
2007-03-28 06:23:07 · answer #5 · answered by سيف الله بطل جهاد 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be brutally honest, it looks like you messed up and you're blaming your wife. It's wonderful for you that you "made peace with God," but whatever that means, it does not obligate your wife to forgive you for this huge betrayal. All the work and all of the effort are up to you because you, and only you, are at fault. Exactly how did you go about confessing and asking for forgiveness? Is this confession how she found out about your relationship? If that's the case you made her a victim of your own guilt. I imagine your confession was intended to make you feel better about your betrayal. In reality she need never have known, and you could have sought conseling on your own for the miriad of issues that mist've led to your non-affair.
Did you really and truly ask for forgiveness, or did you tell her that you made your peace with God and now she should forgive you too?
If your daughter is the only reason you want to restore your marriage I believe that she is far better off with her parents divorced. Your wife may well know this. It's better for your daughter to grow up knowing how to set limits and not allow herself to be emotionally used or abused in a relationship. Your divorce may be the only hope your daughter has of growing up and being able to see functional relationships after which she can pattern her own marriage later in life.
If you are truly serious about reconciling with your wife because you love *her* and want to make a life with her you'll take the first step and all the rest, all on your own. Go get counselling. Respect your wife's decision, regardless of what that is. Give her whatever space she needs to deal with your betrayal, and don't fight the divorce proceedings. You may only be able to reconcile after your divorce, if at all.
2007-03-28 05:54:24 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jesus speaks of adultery: whosoever looketh upon a woman; Jesus states a woman, not a married woman but a woman.
To Lust after her, a person can lust after many things, therefore, what is LUST, to have something that belongs to another is lust.
Jesus speaks on divorcement, saving for the cause of fornication, A person who has been married can not commit fornication, they can only commit Adultery.
The Next verse explains all that Jesus has ever said concerning Marriage and Scripture
Thou shall not make any oaths. Marriage is an oath, scripture is a oath. An oath can not be broken it can only be fulfilled.
2007-03-28 05:32:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
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It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.
2016-02-11 12:21:07 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The decision rest with your wife, based on a decision made by you. I am very sorry for your little girl, but the responsibility rests at your feet. Making your peace with God sounds terribly, suspiciously easy. I suggest you reconcile yourself to the situation you have created and find a way of making your peace with your daughter. Don't expect it to be as easy as it was with God.
And this reply is dedicated to everyone here who thinks that atheists are all immoral and advocate, among other things, adultery.
2007-03-28 05:23:47 · answer #9 · answered by Bad Liberal 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, but it doesn't sound like you have too good of a chance, there. The only thing I could suggest is maybe ask your wife if she would be willing to go to counseling with you for six months before actually divorcing. (Even if you're seperated during the process if you have to.) Good luck to you and your family.
2007-03-28 05:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by Jess H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋